Mishy Kim

Mishy Kim Jul 2015

This has been tugging my heartstrings
for as long as I can remember

I look around and try to find things that can
get my mind off it

I had relationships that temporarily got it off

But loneliness is still there.

It will be there no matter what.
No matter what you do,
No matter how you dress,
No matter what you say,
No matter what you're in,
It will be there
bugging you,
pushing you,
breaking you
until you start crying

You try to blame it on other people
so you don't feel the shame
but the pointing will always come back to you.

You finally realize it's your fault
but you do nothing to fix it
because you didn't have enough time to find the answer
because you were too caught up blaming it on other people

You lost yourself,
trying to find another you.

Now, you're back at the same place.

Sad, lonely, crying.
You just have to realize that loneliness is part of life,
it will always be there.

Sorry for all the sadness I just had to get it out hehe

#feelings #sad #lonely

Mishy Kim Jun 2015

Amour.

I have a million ways I can say it.
Whether it's through text, call, photos or even in person.

I don't know why I can't say it to you, though.

We talk about it like it's nothing to us.
We act like it's nothing to us.
But it seems like I'm the only one who feels it.

I don't know how to put this in words.
I adore you, I admire you.
Je T'adore. Je suis amour de vous.

I love you.
I love everything about you.
I love your flaws.
I love your strengths.
I even love all the pet peeves that makes me cringe.

Who knew that I would fall for you?
But I'm glad I fell for you.

You know who you are :)

#love #feelings

Mishy Kim Jun 2015

Untitled

I'm a over thinker.
I think to the point of not comprehending my self.
A thought branches into another thought and branches into another thought
In a few minutes, it becomes a tree.

When I get attacked by too much thoughts, I start to break down.
I cry without even knowing why I cry.
Maybe I'm just scared.
Scared of what?
I don't know.

#thoughts

Mishy Kim Jun 2015

I love you, dad.

I bet you're not going to read this

I don't think you'll understand
The pain that you put me through

I hate how you underestimate me
That you think all I do at home is use my phone
And play games on my laptop
I actually study too, just so you know.

I remember all the days you made me cry
I felt like my insides are going to explode

I hate how you would never compliment me on anything
Not how I look, not how I do in school or anything

I remember you telling me I was useless
That I would never amount to anything

You never really realized I was depressed and heartbroken.

You never read any of my poems.
Because if you did, you would feel sad for me.
You'd realize I don't fit in to the perfect daughter cookie cutter.
I wish you could stop trying to cut me into that.
And just realize that I'm different.
I'm not the honor student,
I'm not the best in time management,
I can't get my life together.

Sometimes, I just wish I could turn back time
And make sure you and mom never met
So I don't have to be born
So I don't have to suffer
And so you don't have to handle a misfit teen.

I'm sorry.
I know I don't say this often.
It's not that I don't feel it,
it's just that I don't know how to put it

I'm sorry for being born
For having me as a burden
For spending 16 years raising a
heartbroken, depressed, abnormal teen.

I guess you're right.
That I will not amount to anything.
Look at me now.
I'm in my room, writing poetry.

But after all the torture,
I know you did it out of love.
I know you said it out of love.
I know you were thinking what's best for me.
I know you said things so you can push me harder.

I love you, dad.
No matter what happens,
No matter what you do or I do.
You raised me to be a teen that knows how to express herself.

But if you ever find this,
I just want you to know
I love you.
I love you so much.
I still love you after everything.
I will love you even after everything.

Happy Fathers' Day! :)

#feelings #life #father #fathersday

Mishy Kim Jun 2015

Wishing never works.

I wish I could feel nothing.
I wish I couldn't feel heartbreaks.
I wish I couldn't feel pain.
I wish I didn't have to care about anything.

I wish feelings didn't exist.
I wish I could push things away and not cause commotion.
I wish I could stab myself and feel nothing.

#death

Mishy Kim Jun 2015

Untitled

Broken memories on the floor cut my feet when I walk.

I carry my burdens and mistakes on my shoulders.

My eyes are filled with tears that won't stop forming.

My mouth opens but makes no sound.

I don't know what to say.

I see pain and misery.

Nothing reflects my eyes because there's nothing to be reflected by.

My insides want to turn itself around.

Time slips from my fingers just like you did.

#thoughts

Mishy Kim Jun 2015

Untitled

"Thanks." he said.
"For what?" I said.
"For sticking with me," lacing his fingers through mine,"for trusting me."

My heart sank.
I realized I was in love.
I never thought I could be in love.

I was a machine,
Destined to destroy people.
Wanting to seek revenge.

but then,
I fell again

I promised myself I would never fall
But I did

I wondered if he felt the same way

It's not possible
I say quietly to myself

He kisses me on the cheek, "I love you."
I suddenly freeze.
"Why..?" I ask
"I don't know. I get this feeling that you belong to me."
"What if I don't?"
"That's not possible."
"It's possible."
"I won't let that happen."

It felt like my world suddenly came crashing down on me.
I didn't know what to do.
But I knew that he loved me.
"That's all I needed to know"

It's kinda long soooo enjoy haha

#love #story