he was a mystery in himself,
allowing me to have no trace of an idea of how he felt..
i was kind of mystery too, but the kind that if you got close enough you could easily find clues to whatever you were unsure of..
sometimes i wondered.. if behind closed doors he felt the way i did..
did he obsess? did he shed a tear? was he still awake at 4am?
of course he wasnt.. i was in this alone, werent i?
was it only me shedding the tears that burned my skin in the most beautiful way possible? was it only me obsessing over the things i would say & the things i wouldnt?
i believe it is only me..
but you know, i dream of a time where both he & i can feel the same unique feeling of love & bliss for one another, at the same time..
on the same level..
and for all the right reasons i have hope!
hope that he too will shiver at the wrath of my touch,
hope that he will open up to me enough so that even if i wanted to destroy him.. i would have the power to.

and with a heart so empty,
so fill with nothing..
does it even still beat?
i dont know, i cant hear a thing!

with my thoughts so loud,
they never let me rest at night
& when i finally do close my eyes in hopes to escape..
i know that the sun rises again to give me hell.

when i try to forget you,
thats what makes it worse..
i try to eliminate the urge for you to hold me,
i would hope that my screams are louder than the sound of your voice,
that lingers throughout my body at 4am.

when will i find peace?

i allowed myself to destroy myself in the process of loving someone who could never love me back..
                                                         ­            *-an 18 word poem.

ive been brooding,
lurking your pages,
thinking of how we would conflate so well..
do you think of me?
do you ever ask yourself, "does she exist?"

i admire your cynosure.
& i hope my eloquence impresses you.
will we ever be?
erstwhile.. maybe

im tired of relationships that are evanescent,
so when you get here, will you be here awhile?
i will imbue my love in you..
it'd require you to have interest in a non-ingénue being.
a being so brilliant that you will start to question your soul and the size of your crown, my King.

you will not become jaded,
inure,
for i am a Queen of lagniappe.
i will have you twisting and turning at the quakes of my soul..

is your mind as beautiful as mine?
is your soul as deep?
can we be panoply, i hope.
can our love be sempiternal..

*wherewithal of our love.

It's a beautiful morning
Although it's freezing outside
And I'm too lazy to get out of my bed.

It's a beautiful feeling
To get back home after working 9 to 5
And see my lazy cat still sleeping in her tiny bed

It's a beautiful world
Imperfectly perfect, filled with many wicked people
But treasured with few, everlasting loved ones

It's a beautiful life
Of happiness, dreams, hope and butterflies
And, everyday's ordinary victories make me feel alive.