got her a gift I
thought was clever and hastened
I tell her I'll always love her, I can be exceedingly patient,
through whatever weather
I'd be there in a fire and rainstorm
told her that forever I’m staying
so when she said
let's take a vacation
my eyes light up
a permanent one
oh. wait.
no, me? - no - when -
she said, when you begin to intervene with scenes of dreams we breathed?
I'll say you're lacking persuasion
and - don’t ask the occasion.
They’re reasons I cannot be placing.
And life's short why would I waste it
with you? (the eyes)
plus
someone else’s name.
I can taste it
and stupid you and I
with the everyday doubt and shame it became abrasive
don't you see?
the pouts and pangs started replacing
every-single-*******-thing we were chasing
so everything small claim brings out the fangs
I'm so sick of thinking I’m all there is to blame
until I'm on the brink of insane?! (eyes)
I don't owe you any explanation
I don't care what you consider courageous
you don't know how anxious my core is
imagining the sort of - future we'd have
- No, I’m sorry -
I mean, I feel your pain,
everything around me, just happened in a hurry,
people and shadows, blended entwined and blurry,
all that **** before, I didn’t mean to instigate such a worry (the eyes)
I don’t know when you developed this fury
I wish I could help
I wish I knew sooner
instead of assuming useless rumors
always clueless and using excuses
fine. I agree to not be.
but please there's some putrid humor in this
maybe I got the chance to think for myself
maybe the cards I was dealt
got me almost broke on the felt
and since every emotion I felt
since the moment we met
was new
but maybe things end
without without clear reasons

I had
no sign no angels
warning me
just Satan himself
courting me
ordering
thinking
This beautiful life's
rewarding me!
me
me
horribly bordering a drunk and disorderly
currently imploring virality of spirituality
I hear them saying
we ought to be quarantined
for unseen mistakes
exploring these train-station streets late
wincing at these morbidly boring estates

Don't tell me things could be worse.
They are, for someone else, somewhere else.

the hailstorm path i failed warning signs at
i was so sure, i knew where each the demons sat

when it makes sense
the air is fresh
access is with ease
it's just what you needed

Don't quit your day job!
they said, when I was imitating stand up comedy
routines - and when I made her a stuffed
turkey - the time I tried backwards skating on a pale
blue pond - I could see this frozen
fish underneath wondering when I
will ever break this glass ceiling -
Life goes on!
they said, when she said we were no longer
going to be seeing each other on weekends, on phone
calls into the wee hours of twilight haze -
dull ***** on her cardigan, our footsteps in the streets
I saw your eyes in your hands and
my heart was in my lap -
I gave you a warm bottle of water, left
and never came back