I opened up your diary to inspire me
The shaking in my hands
I'm breaking down your tyranny
Why I'm like this?
It's definitely not the pride in me
I don't need your white lies, see -
I am complete
While half of you is unsure
with more drama
I write down one stanza
less filler - a smoother smoke

I see past the bright colors and
I believe that we can live like kings
If we can see past the bright colors
And just accept whatever life brings
Be kinder to each other, no broken links
I find its better, but, we'll still need shrinks.

Alone on a Friday
What else is new
All my friends graduated
To learn they're better off with you
Buts its too late, I've left this place, for good.

So what if the early bird catches the worm?
I'm night owl at a crow bar -
dim lighting dusty drinks and dead sets
of eyes around the room -
Barely visible -
I twist my neck again for you -
I've been working on a nest egg
while walking egg shells
I've gazed at the moonlight
And I've waited for you.

I don't think
the muse -
appreciates being copilot.

i miss her like the
clouds drifting miss
an ocean crashes against the shore -
a child reaching for a red balloon is
like our lungs miss flames of the youth -
it's not that i don't want to smoke
and it's not that i cannot fly -
it's that i read an article once
that said if i quit before 26
it will be like i never started -
but now, with my lungs clean
and my mind cluttered, i wonder
if i ever should have started with you

You say words
I speak my mind
You fight wars
I spread inner peace one piece at a time
You cast stones
At glass homes
You are too much alike.

where did the day go?
i look back
and touch last year
like it was yesterday -
i look back
and i hear you calling my name
down the hallway -
dust on the lampshade
coffee stains on the counter -
half empty ash tray
and since then my life's never
gotten better - rotten ever -
since i suppose - since

plenty of fish in the sea?
who ******* cares when your
heart sank into a shark tank -
we part ways and
I get sharp pains
in some dark days
for a guy light years - ahead
of the hard faced, ******, instead
of times we carved names, with stone
blaming your anger
on my tone
but my home
is on the road, I bet

14 years ago?
I was getting
off the bus walking
up the stairs
thinking something
was off
all day.
The low voices
The lower eyes
I was getting off that yellow bus
walking up those stained stairs
as an anxious new brother
Her feet were in the air giggling.
My mother said
(almost from the other room)
"Something has happened."
I went to make a joke
and then saw the television.
I thought it was a joke.
I wondered why.
Now I wonder how
one act of evil justified another
and another and another and another
And when
it will end.

Lately I been lost in the darkness
candlelight - pen on the parchment
**** right, I used to be so quick to start ****
freckled reckless and record almost speckless
never arrested, it was never expected, suspected
to lose direction, maybe I did maybe not
they say as long as you have a soul to lose then a soul you got...

She - had a birthday recently,
and I didn't say anything.
She - got a new job recently, according
to LinkedIn.com, and I didn't say anything.
She - posted something ****** on Tumblr recently,
and I didn't say anything.
She - took a left on Main St. and stopped to get coffee,
(iced regular) - she paid cash, she dropped her straw
wrapper, she smiled and waved -
She - never saw me and I didn't say anything.

doesn't anybody even look at the sky lately?

like there's nothing between
me and this screen
- nothing.
no purpose
no moment of wit
no urgent revisions of loyal commitment -
just forget it -
- in this odd object is the origin
and the horizon
- by the time you noticed
it was already over
overwhelmed
unenthusiastic
i guess when you've been through hell
you're okay just making it to the mattress -

      but maybe you don't know.
      maybe it's not so bad.
      maybe we can get together
      and share the laughs we used to have ----

- nah.
   she said.
i got things going on
   she said.
plus it's already been so long
we might as well keep going strong -
   she said.
jeez, i mean, i guess i agree.
but look at it like this
- we already have everything we'd need.
- it could be worse, you could fall out of a tree -
- plus it's already beginning to seem, not so bad.

      don't ask me why we relapse on a kiss of the past
      when there's a smorgasbord of other organs to explore?
      sure, we could share all the laughs we used to have
      and who knows, worst of all, we could make even more -

too deep and been here before
and i didn't wanna come back
i knew she'd be on the fence
i sat in the same awkward position
going through awful images and thoughts of vengeances
exacted, exactly - I wish we could say why
so no wonder we haven't the time
to eye the sky and imagine lives
where we're happy and calm and by each other sides
no wonder we didn't do this
or find the moment to do that
and we make excuses like
"i wish time didn't move so fast."

You can't shut me out forever.
I yammered
cooking dinner steam in my eyes
it already smells spoiled, but we feast.*

our love is like a potted plant
I brought home one night -
poisons coursing in my veins -
I plucked a pretty flower from the Earth
and raised it to the sky
I bought fertilizer and dirt
and forgot about the sun shine -
I let flowers turn yellow and wilt
I let spiders make homes in your hair -

i used to give a ****
now i couldn't give a **** less

i,
touch -
- pens
paper - money
pieces of food - i
- touch
- people,
shoulders,
babies -
i - touch
rooms
walkways mucous tan
i - touch
moments in time still forgotten -
i touch
through the doorways of creation
i touch
handheld messiahs and they're false proclamation
i touch
open wounds of men and women
i touch
i can't let this all be forsaken
i can't have been so mistaken -
i touch
sound and light
and not know it
but
i touch
darkness then
light, and i know it
i wish
i
could let go of -
it

no tie
third button unbuttoned
bare knees
open toed shoes
but what good is it
if the yellow tape tastes like plastic

they are multiplying
growing
and splitting, at the seems of sadness
glowing screens and madness
it happens, a lot
you're distracted, a lot
and I'm attracted, to thoughts
of where i'm trapped into -
accidents -

The cameras got there too fast.
Me and you?
We weren't too last -
Then metals bent, and glass shattered

kiss the ring of the employer
holy matrimony, me?
join ideas with a ******?
I'll go grey hair as long as I can stand here.
and watch.
Listen. I'm okay with this.
it's there when I need it
it's there when I don't
it's in the air I'm breathing
it's in my hands my hair and my scalp
it's behind my eyelids and in my mouth
it's all the violence, in the South
It's black on white crime
It's money inside politics
It's a sweaty lipstick ******* in San Francisco
It's you
It's me
It's America, it's the whole ******* planet I say -
Where scientists are the only ones who don't sin -
Not the religists, or people who's kids go to elementary schools that cost more than my college degree I now only know I didn't need
It's the color wheel
It's everything
And it's mine, please.
Please Please Please.

i pray for rain
plead the stars
shun the sun
and abuse the earth

warm blankets and a cool breeze
my window's open
but no one knows me
swing dance with dark drinks
don't get me started on
plenty of fish to match in the sea but
the only opportunities are in shark tanks
drowsy and running on fumes
i move with the light of the moon - so dizzy
revolting, im molting
this cold skin 'til im molten, sowed - is he
a volcano
going to reap soon?
there's some seduction in sudden destruction
I hope - I stay
busy enough
with the cards until still
i land my soul in the stars -
i know it's can be hard to go with the art
but for me it's a part of following my heart
existence apart, from my brain -
because it does things, i can't always explain


https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/stark-darkness-v2

i can't always explain.

I don't wanna wait, she said
Throwing her hands like a child
I had to turn away
I couldn't
Deal
With
It.
Her... Innocence, we'll call it...
(More on that later) had me sick
Like, here's someone who
Thinks they know it all,
But lives with mommy and daddy,
Pays for a tanning bed - and
smokes occasionally, and
brushes her eyelashes on the road - she's
On a family phone plan
Doesn't talk to her sister
And tells me she doesn't know like most bands,
I mention. That's cool, I say.
There's so many it's tough to keep up with.
She smiles with her eyes lips pursed,
ready for the taking.
I tell her, I can't, I have to go
- ***, first.

I'm a nice guy (nice guy)
Wasn't always the case
I'm doing alright (alright)
But it
Wasn't always the case

I wasn't always so willing to speak about it
See, I was just as lost reading out the
Fist fights screaming shouting - matches passed it
almost me sapped of passion
no shocker I
zapped back into action
People confused might say it's
acting and passive
My alphabetical magic is massive -
Please!
I don't seek the blood of my enemies!
I'm so nice
I'm so nice
I'm too nice.

In one motion
I pulled a flower from the Earth
Brought it to my face
And threw it over my shoulder
You laughed with your lips and eyelashes
My other hand I took a drag of a cigarette
and spit salvia through my teeth at the dirt
Soup salad and break sticks baby
Iced coffee honey
You want it now baby?
In this patch of grass honey?
You always do this **** she said.
You always make me feel stupid.
{maybe that's because you are}
You always make me feel like it's never good enough.

*** i love this song!
- backing up the volume drops - ugh.
D - for drive, I rewind the track
S - sport mode, I never ran track
Skipped my exercises last night -
Binged on gluten.
Catatonic at a parallel universe.
Eyes glazed over, I barely comprehend
the plot, it's cool, this crowded room
voices over mine, I never know what to do.
I could clean. I could learn.
I could believe. I could earn.
Instead I relieve and I burn.
Because it seems, I have a date with an urn.
**** **** ****.
Outta My Way - if my boss calls
What am I to say?
I overslept? I felt sick
these are the cards I was dealt
I can't help this.
But this Toyota  couldn't go any slower
I swear!
Move your *** over before a new one I tear!
Sorry, grandma. I didn't mean to be such a cancer on society. I didn't see you there.
But the guy on the right side of me, holding up the *******, what irony.
He's not watching the road.

Sorry ***, spinning these plates, I haven't the time to eat out.

Let's go for a walk, my love,
The air is full of Blue Jay's
The music is a new familiar type
of hypnosis, I kiss dollar bills folded into swans as I throw them into fountains at malls -
Yes, we'll all float on
Whether it's in the ocean
Face down, a new ecosystem of love
and death, and mossy micronutrients
bubbling popping into rainclouds
Ah yes. I love a good margarita after a long day.

the thorns of the roses she wore in her hair
got my cheek as I tried to kiss her

I'm a snowman
In a jacket

I'm uploading
another
hip hop instrumental
right now.
Twitter
or Soundcloud works.
Thank you.

The sky is falling!
Just watch
Your significant other falling for another lover -
Don't fall for the scam of the century
They don't want you to know
There's better out there.

Ask me to hang out
Your anticipation ringing
I'm sorry
This line is dead
I'm away
Answering my calling.

it's not really something i think about anymore,
she said.*
     i hate this tile floor -
smokers downstairs hijacking my sleep
with nicotine nightmares and a dry mouth
awake tastes like ash - black - i nod
- smile - as we pass each other in the halls
begin to wonder, why life
is dependent on their preferred method of death?
it's fine -
because at night
i reciprocate as i read my poetry aloud

whenever i watch the news
i leave the room feeling weak and awful too
persuade me i'm unfaithful for eating a falafel
helicopters flash across my sky
more bloodshed to shock the soul
can't help but be asking why
obstacle after obstacle, is coming after me
even waking up is impossible, actually
i should say, i got to go, got to go
instead of sitting at the home, at home
see the world, you got lot's to grow, lot's to grow
but i'm firmly planted in outer space
everybody i used to know says i vanished without a trace
trying to be human without the race
trying to be honest without the consequence

weeks pass
when i begin to
think fast
a bullet train behind my eyes
another half assed afternoon and
i am blind
i gaze from the balcony
looking for the light
who said it was cowardly?
to never put up a fight?
i can't see the future
although i might wish.

Plymouth Street
Was like Plymouth rock
We broke new ground
And explored new thought
I hugged her twice
On the day we met
Never in my life
Had I felt that yet
More than carnal -
It was more like cosmic -
So no wonder why I saw stars
Once I lost it - pitch black
My voice box barely intact -
Waking up in the night
Like I'd been slapped
With the cold hand of death
No man, not yet. And I'm wide awake.
I can't leave the bed even though
I try to escape, I am trapped in my head.
Mislead by myself
I need to find myself, again.

I'm not to blame for
Something you lost -
I'm not to blame for
When we bump into each other
I
was just passing by
your new apartment
on foot barefoot
at midnight
alone.
This is my new thing now.
You could know something about that.
But you left -
What else would I be?
Obviously not 'keeping it together'
obviously distraught
I gotta be kidding you, you say.
Yeah.

There's something in the pizza, I thought
as I could feel the mechanics of my jaw
compress the wet paper ball caught in my throat -
"Your best days are behind you," I heard
through a cup against the wall -
I'm 27 - how could this be possible?
Yesterday I had a birthday party and no one showed up.
I didn't know I was supposed to invite them.
I didn't know it was a party.
I didn't realize I was invited.
Had I known, I would have declined.

watch me saw her in half
but i saw half of her i wish i never had
pulled a rabid animal out of a hat
cards i can't face
dice i can't keep
coins ringing my head
i hear them say
heads or tails, no matter what
you lose
binary contradictions
wonder why nobody listens
just the reverb of your own voice
wishing you still had the option of conviction





https://soundcloud.com/the_mjv/mate-tricks

You didn't read anything
You just skimmed the surface
Yes, you were throwing rocks
- that only -
You deemed worthless.
Well, you might've already heard this
but they just could have been repurposed, to persons,
new versions, for virgins - you've never met
call it perverted nerves but I'm sure it's perfect
the weight of the cards, I'm dealt
I even prefer it - for it's
making my opponent sweat
there's no better feeling felt
no taller ceiling shelved
I melt, getting this high.
I'm helpless, alone in this sky.

there’s this part of it
that just
happens
and you go with it
you don’t plan it
or think it
or know anything
about it
it just happens
and its’ beautiful

my eyes
tingle, and my lips
curve
my music...
the music -
shadowy slates
a cold surface damp
pixelated vibrations
i tend to ask too many questions
i'm told
i tend to ask too many questions
i know

suburban visions
of
frickin’ picket fences
and
sittin’ in picnic benches
thinkin’
my luck was endless...
unlike living under their lenses
unlike the unbecoming friendships
grapefruit sunsets and
violet nights ventured out
into seedy spots
with a
black maglite - now just a flashback.
a past life unsure what it was to act right
pain in order to laugh blind
if only i knew
ignorance is a trapped mind
but
I'm not a bad guy
I've witnessed ways to
pass time
that I wish I gave
more
thought
too.
urban sounds
sirens gunshots whisper
down alleyways where trash
scatters blame, who's fault?
who cares.
as long as I got
what's fair
it's fine. I'm afraid
it hasn't been fine in sometime.

constant practice just isn’t
something that happens, it’s decisions
thoughts and repeated patterns

She's your friend
Your friend
He's got his hand
On her leg, he's -
got short hair
on his face, she's -
got a short skirt
on the way to his place -
I'm at home
With my hands
At last alone
With my hands.

I'm five nine
I work a nine to five
My hands at ten and two
To intent to fall away
I drive home without the radio
The windows are closed
Kids in backseats gazing into iPhones
I'm fine, nice
I smile and kiss
The sky at night, day too
I reuse grocery bags
And I let bugs outside
I will call you once a week

I told a story
But not the ending.

it's almost 2 years
since i saw her last, -
her eyes in her hands
and my heart in my lap -
- it's been hours i can't count
and days since we spoke -
i read frequencies and signals
and drink in the smoke -
- and in early mornings, i glow with the stars, -
and nights, i get back late and sit in my car -
i think about her and how
it's almost been 2 years

pleased to meet you
you piece of meat you

Have you
ever drank warm whiskey by a cold sunset?
Do you ever eat apples to the pits?
Does the moving moss see a meal in a man?
I sat on top of campfires
flogged by flames
waiting to be forgiven -
I kissed frogs and mushrooms
while listening to the fractured pink noise
of horrible screams -
A horrible scream, it
wears white in black lace, it
wears down a man's pride that way
- I'm wasting, away
I'm wasting -
My time with you, she said about
with ***, in her eyes, it
was just exercise
and her and I
won't work out -

... so how about a..

"You sure you wanna leave this page and ruin that massive masterpiece you mistakenly wrote here rather than in a document?"

                        ..window that pops up before one of my dumb fingers slips against glass?

                                   relief

that'd be fantastic.
because sadly it happened to me, yesterday.
i wrote up this giant thing
and then it got annihilated
so with that in fact let's say
that every shed of light that this poem accumulates
we put towards this - feature, okay?
and i'm well aware i don't have the greatest of reach
but sharing and liking and blaring this message deep
is just as important for this to be
successful, because please
it's stressful. not being able to speak.
knowing it was only expressed tongue in cheek.
i refuse to admit defeat.

because let's be real people.
we owe this to our future selves.




//i just realized i wrote this here right now, luckily i didn't lose it.
:p*//

crawling the web
at night
come closer