Yo! Yo! My Drug of Choice (**** Poets)



Yo! Yo!
Member of the troupe?
You up all nite?
You always hungry,
Making trouble, rite?
You one of those?

**** poets!

Exist on strict diet?
Pleasured-pain,
Constant-continual surges
Turn into urges,
Full-time suspense,
Juices always flowing.

**** Poets!

Yo! Yo!
You one of those?
Never knowing,
What? When?
The eyes gonna invert
Retina images into words
Brain signaling, semaphoring the fingers
Yo! Yo!
You don't get nine months,
Maybe nine seconds,
Then mother-birth another verse,
****** poets!

Yo! Yo!
Remember your first real high,
That moment
No absolution, no return.
That moment
When you admitted, confessed,
to yourself:

I am
Forever forward,
A home-grown poet.
I am
Soul enslaved to words.
The alphabet - My oxygen molecules,
I am both,
Addict and dealer
A ****** poet

Yo! Yo!
So you do recall,
The exact moment,
God-spark-within, ascendancy gained
You lost control,
Wept words instead of tears!
A ****** poet ******!

Yo! Yo!

Sophie's Choice.
You chose writing over breathing,
Worshiper of the purest pleaure,
******* in deep the smoke-high of
Head-nodding discontented contentment
Stealing anything you saw
For to satisfy the need, the craven
Craving.
****** poets!

Yo! Yo!

Don't you're ever sleep?
Hear that the city, the state,
Gonna methadone your kind
In a special program
Teach you only language to sign.
**** poets!

I am a ****** poet.

The first step taken.
Admission.
Poetry is my default rest position,

My drug of choice.**

5:07am
June 12, 2013

I can’t sleep.
My mind is a mess.
Every moment I’ve lived.
Every memory I have.
Every experience I’ve been through.
Is coursing through my body.
Screaming to get out.

As if I was dreaming while still awake.
In front of my eyes are projected,
Images as clear as a movie on a screen.
Can’t tell reality from fantasy.

Poetry is a drug.
Its an escape that I can run to.
Always. Whenever.
My mind, always composing.
Sometimes things I want to write
Sometimes things I don’t want to write.
But I’m an addict, so I write them anyways.

There's a war in my head.
Raw thoughts,
still jumbled looking for shape.
Sentences with no sense
fighting in my head.
Riots of ideas,
wishing to be expressed.
Waves of words clashing against the feelings put into them.
An eternal minefield.
A loudness that only a few comprehend.

Therefore,
I can’t sleep.
My mind is a mess.
So I’m writing this instead.

I wanted to sink into soft white fluffy duvets with you,
So we could pretend that we were laying amongst the clouds.
I wanted to wake up with the smell of you on my skin,
And the smell of fresh coffee in the air.
I wanted to kiss your lips the second you arrived home from work,
In hopes you’ll never want to leave my side again.
I wanted the thoughts of you to always bring happiness, warmth, love and excitement,
Not what they bring me now.
Now they bring grief, regret and want.
Because the whole truth is,
I wanted to spend my life with you.
I wanted to keep the warmth that felt like sun beams on my face,
first thing in the morning.
I wanted to keep that love close to my heart for all eternity,
And show the world just how lovely you are.
Were.
I found you,
And with that I found the feeling of never wanting to lose you.
Thoughts of worry and insecurities kept into my head,
And ****** out all the light.
I found you and I never wanted to lose you,
I found you and it was like seeing fireworks light up the night sky.
I found you and I saw the stars forming galaxies,
Just for us.
I found you, but soon after that’s when I realized,
I think I had lost myself.
This isn’t a sad poem,
I know it’s hard to believe.
It’s about revelation rather than grief and remorse.
I thought I had found the one,
It wasn’t until I healed and realize that he was only taking a piece of me.
I’m whole without you now,
I hope you know that in the back of your mind.
I hope you are too.
I have flashes of missing you,
I will admit.
But,  
Now I’ve realized who should forever be my one true love.
Myself.
-j.p.