the boys of summer were vast and many
they were long distance and down the road
they were temporary as they always are
but permanent in their scars
the one on my leg and the ones in my heart
none were deep just little scrapes
barely drawing blood
the boys of summer don’t bring pain
just stinging when they’re gone

Inspiration comes only after three glasses of wine or a 12 hour bus ride north 
Some things never change. 
What happens when wine runs out or when people stop breaking my heart
It's bitter sweet to think this will all stop 
The catharsis 
I'm home within my pain because I'm home within my ink 
I suppose I've done it before in times of desperation
Ripping out my own heart, picking my own good grapes
Stomping on them both as equals 
As nothing but something to choke down and spit back up onto paper 
After all, the sun can only shine for so long until we all start dancing for rain 
You and I both know we do it for the rainbows and the clouds

I was always taught not to feel so bad
that bad things happen to bad people too
I learned not to feel sorry for myself
because everyone else already did
I realized everyone hurts, everyone feels the pain
not everyone suffers
This is how I learned to feel
everything
loudly
in my finger tips
and my toes
the ends of my hair
the tip of my nose
I feel everything as if it were a massive earthquake
even though it was just a paper cut
I can't tell if this is a blessing or a curse

I never say things forthright
I can't help but speak in metaphors
There are things I don't usually tell people
But I always say them
You will never hear I love you, just :
are you wearing your seatbelt?
be careful tonight
sweet dreams
have the best day
don't do that
please don't do that
it's not worth it
I wish you were here
You will never hear I like you, just:
what's your favorite color?
I look forward to talking to you
What did you do today?
I hope you have fun
I like you....r face
I wish you were here

i know i should leave you be

keep you wanting more

play hard to get

but i was never good at childhood games

you can catch me so easily

and yet you'll still always be it

I have so much love to give and if I were given the chance I would love you radically, I would let you feel everything so loudly it would radiate off your insides and it would move tectonic plates in California it would move mountains in Colorado it would be life changing, mind altering, it would be everything and nothing all at once
I have so much love bubbling up inside me I think the butterflies are starting to attack each other I think they are frustrated that I won't let them free but I'm afraid they won't come back if I do
I have so much to give and so much to tell you
I want you to know you belong with the wildflowers baby, but I will pick you for myself. I will wear you in my hair until all your petals fall off and fly into the wind I will mourn the loss and always keep the stem as a reminder that beauty is in your roots
I think you make it easier to laugh that belly laugh from the ground up the laugh I feel in my toes and in the ends of my hair you make things easy
You make things so easy baby suburbia might be enough
I might want to walk these streets forever I might want to be grey with you
But we could never be grey not you and me not us no never
We are already bright on our own and that's what makes us technicolored that's what makes us loud
I always liked things loud and you came screaming and wailing you came with an amp attached to your love you were so loud baby but you never made me quiet our sound never clashed it harmonized
You are my harmony
You are my mantra
My peace
My mine mine mine
I will love you down
I will love you loudly
It will be brash
It may hurt
But I will be gentle in the biggest way possible
Because love is a verb
And it's been a noun in my mouth for far too long

There are things that I don't usually tell people
things like I wish I could remember my fathers voice
or that sleeping alone is the most daunting thing I face in darkness
I don't tell people that I pray for them at night
or while I'm on the subway
or walking home from work
I don't tell people that they brighten my day
or that they make it a little easier to breathe
but i know I should
There are things I keep to myself
like that i discovered the fine line where being independent becomes being lonely
I don't tell people I still think of you so many months later
and I don't tell people that you haunt my dreams even though i've only known you for a week
I don't remind my friends that I do love them
I don't tell the boy on the corner that his smile makes my cheeks hot
i don't
instead
I say things like :
I want to *******(i want to be close to you)
I'm fine(its hard to get out of bed today)
I love working so much(i wish other people still took care of me)
There are things I don't usually tell people
I don't explain the scars when they see
I let them fill in the blanks themselves