If I had to read one of these
Terrible things
That expell the thoughts in my head
I wouldn't know what to read
For the only words I care about are the
Ones that mention you
But you are not worth the publicity

Because life is hard, baby
And if you get it all down in writing
You'll never forget the lessons learned

He whispered "come as you are"
While the rest chanted,
" C o n f o r m "

reminders for tomorrow:
wash my hair
don't eat ******
don't be ******
smile at the stranger
slow down
be better than today
do a facemask
call the financial aid department
apply for a credit card
look at clothes you can't afford
buy something you can't afford
go to the gym
or don't
but cancel your membership
go to yoga
look up what namaste means
don't be ******
email people your new phone number
make friends
smile with more than just your mouth
wear something comfy
relax
take patrick and leo to golf
patience is key
let them look out the window
be on time
hug leo when he cries
hug myself when I cry
don't cry
don't be ******

Today was the windiest day
of all the days
street lights swung hard
like children trying to get high enough to touch the clouds
skirts flew up
hair was pointed in every direction
I usually hate the wind
I have said before that I wish we lived in a world without it
but the cold brisk air kissing my ankles
and ears
were love letters
being delivered from a long ways away
from a city I have longed for
and belonged to
without noticing
I suppose the breeze was so light
until today
I suppose Chicago needed to get my attention
and sweep me north with the wind

In the years to come,
you will learn you weren't a part of the five year plan
beautiful you, left me with a random roommate
but you were the farthest thing from random
my first witnessed miracle
know this,
you may have been an accident
but you were never a mistake
You may not see it that way,
so in simpler terms
You are the most gorgeous train wreck I have ever been stunned to see
You are an unpredicted storm that cleans your car the day before you were planning to get it washed
You are the pillowy sand after the tide has been swept away
You are the stomach flu that saves you from the test you didn't study for
You made everything out of nothing
with your first 2 am diaper change
came meaning
April 10th is always a beautiful day to be born
I thought so
Even when I thought I was the tragedy,
I knew this day would be the days stars are born

I no longer wake up in the morning longing for your touch
or wishing I could see the tired look in your eyes
as we rush to a class we don't care about
I don't search your stupid youtube videos anymore when I am lonely
When I am lonely
I often have to remind myself it is better to be alone
I unfollowed you on instagram
but I still keep tabs on your pictures
not because I miss you
but because I often have to remind myself where this bitterness comes from
why my chest is ice cold
why I am angry at geography
why
I no longer dream of you every third night
but you flutter on the inside of my eyelids
before I fade into darkness
I no longer dream of you every third night
because I no longer dream
There is only darkness
until I awake
where I do not even wish for light
because then I would see what I am missing when my day begins