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  Feb 2019 Marrisa
R T Dawn
I tried to say
“I love you”
but the words caught in my throat.

I think I still do.

But every time I go to say the words they fail me.

Because every time I try,
I remember that even you
painted me
a shade of monster.

And try as I might,
I can’t get away from
the bite of your words.

So forgive me.
I think I still do,
but I can’t say that I love you.
Marrisa Jan 2019
I am like a painting understood by none.
Making people question their own sanity
With contrasting splatters of passion and depression,
And colors thriving on hidden emotions,
Showing the darkest hues that I can no longer hide.
Bright as the dawning of a new day
But meanings as dark as the howling night
And deep as an unforgiving ocean.
Marrisa Jan 2019
I put you myself
in solitary confinement
by building walls
high enough to keep
most people away,
but then there are some
who keep climbing,
thinking there’s
something beautiful inside
only to find out it’s a mess;
weeds lay here and there
which might blossom into
flowers one day —
but not today.

So you stayed just
like the girl sitting behind
the window in her room,
waiting for the plain sky
to turn into a sunset one.

I tell you that,
like the plain sky,
the grey is all I have to give
and late in the night,
when I am almost asleep,
you write four words
with your finger
on my open palm —
one by one
spelling out each letter
slowly,
clearly,
“Your grey is enough”

And a lone tear
makes its way out
carving a path on my
frail skin
and I hold your hand
thinking if
I am the graveyard
you will be the green grass
and our love
will be the flowers
Marrisa Jan 2019
Flowers bloom,
flowers die.
Sometimes we smile,
sometimes we cry.
Time, it gives;
time, it takes.
Love is beautiful,
love is fake.
The world passes by;
We’re born.
We live.
We die.
Marrisa Dec 2018
You smile like you have nothing to lose.
You speak like you have nothing to hide.
You play like you have nothing to fear.
You love in a reckless way with questionable decisions.
You never gave up though, did you?
From that first “only fools fall in love” to the midnight calls
and crying girl, you didn’t shy away.
You spoke your mind and told her what she needed to hear, not what she wanted.
You were still there when there was no where to turn.
You kissed her with compassion and held her when life’s frustrations hit.
You taught her that not all guys are the same.
You taught her how to love and be loved.
Marrisa Dec 2018
I can’t help these thoughts
of not being good enough,
of being a burden,
of self hate and insecurities,
of death and the many ways
I could finally be released
from this Hell of a life.
But then again it is my own fault.
“I’m okay.”
“Yeah it’s fine.”
“I understand.”
“Oh no don’t be.”
“I’m sorry.”
  Dec 2018 Marrisa
Ally Ann
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't
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