how my heart wish'd to/thu.mp/ along with those that sat wispily[wispy as the barren trees that thin out toward the unforgiving east; shan't i venture there, rest my weary soul] beneath dusty lofts of liquid gold [it shone brighter than the stars above, the gold did, and it blind'd me quite so]and compress'd waves of bitter contempt. [their lives were good, the lives of the wealthy: they died young and wild, lungs choking and burning on year-old ale and *** and their lovers laying desolately at their selfish sides. and yet, they hold the right to say they lived, to say they took life by the throat and tugged.]
[eyes gazing out beneath heavy lids] i've done that a lot lately, walking [mind twenty-odd miles away] into doors that haven't been opened [feet move faster than my head] yet, fingers clenched around a **** [nose hits first; check for blood] that's only been halfway turned. [won't happen again, sweartofuckinggod]
you're a bluebird baby with a falcon stare tell me one more time about the cat-scratch secrets hiding beneath the ****** blankets you wash once a week that smell maroon and taste copper with a hint of saffron and poppy, just to add to the irony what else have you been keeping from us? sometimes I wonder if I had found you first it would have ended differently but maybe my fingers in your feathery hair can't ease your hurricane that we've come to adore and despise why did I never see it, screaming, swelling up in there, that human whirlpool how many nights were you alone? when did I see you and your sunshine smile and couldn't feel the gun pressed against your skull what else have you been keeping from us? because despite your skyward eyes you're one step closer to Hell please, don't take your mending wings too close to Heaven you're already there