it HURTS
when his eyes no longer watch my body
he barely lifted his head
only to mumble a few words
and back to whatever he was doing it

it HURTS
when I realize he is familiar with me
it no longer interest him
you can only love a game so much
until you grow bored of it, right?

it HURTS
when his eyes are fixated onto the TV
even when i present my most vulnerable form

it HURTS
when he lies to me
and says I still make him feel things.

I am not blind.

I am upset,
there is nothing more poetic than that right?
didn't all great poets write about great sadness?

is this is my muse--why am i in pieces?
i am full of questions with no one to answer them.
i've been telling myself time heals all

but its been so ******* long already.
When will time heal me?
because I am running out of time.

I hope you find peace
when your fingers search that keyboard
a heavy heart that beats for no one
even if it feels like its not beating at all

I can only walk this earth for so long
before i learn to glaze over tears.
I yearn for a leap off the cliff
but i am  a slug in a salt bath.

I could barely find the shadow
that lurks over my heart
for 2 whole decades,
i cascade into a mess of chaos.

You would've saw it coming
if you paid even a little attention
you watch me sleepwalk
right off a balcony.

I found myself almost struggling
to keep my head under water
I dont want to breathe
but the thought of my mother crying
pulls me up like a force of gravity

I emerge above the surface
the air poisoning my lungs
i want so bad the sweet embrace of water
to blank out for a bit
but my sweet mother, like a force of gravity

I saw myself
living in a green cottage near the sea
a bike ride from town to fetch fresh fruits
my lover,
planting new flowers in our yard.

Then the crystal ball broke
and i was back in my room
singing upon the mirror
to a lover that didn't exist
But with hope

i push through each day,
a step towards that green cottage near the sea.

Now I am truly suffering,
so I must be surrounded by love.

what if
we just love
instead

Soon self-driving cars will be the norm
And we will long for the days behind
Because we are unable to just go for a ride
Without a destination in mind

If you were the moon
I'd lie awake with you each night
And help you battle the sun
For your place in the sky.

If you were a soft breeze
I would chase the wind
Just to feel your breath
As the air caressed my skin.

If you were a dream
I would never want to awaken again.