Another day in the ground
And there's dust in the air
--haunting the hot dusk--
The horizon bruised
purple and red

But that's all behind you.
As you drive down home
The burning in your periphery
is just sweat
And the taste of dirt is fading

Even the crackle of the radio
grates softly--as it settles down--
under the blaring A/C,
Dry and cool

You might look back
once or twice
And catch a ray through the swirl--
Though it'll only blind you
before disappearing

And when you're home
You'll lay in your bed and discover
you have a sunburn;
But it won't matter--
Because the day is over
--and everything returns to dust.

Staggering around lazy like in
The four walls of my room
Trying to construct situations.
Digging up past memories
Linking them together
Layering them
Placing reason
Gathering material
Then writing
Then staggering around lazy like in the four walls of my room.

No one really understands
And even if I wanted to talk about it
I'm afraid no words would come out
Of this quivering mouth
I don't know how I'm feeling
I don't know if I'm feeling anything
The world is in orbit
And it will remain alive and well
Even if I'm long gone

Maybe this is what people call relapse
Maybe it's my hormones
These feelings never went away
Everyday I apply a new face
And put up the barriers to my soul
No one can see this

No one can know

The Soul selects her own Society (303)





Emily Dickinson, 1830 - 1886
.


The Soul selects her own Society —
Then — shuts the Door —
To her divine Majority —
Present no more —

Unmoved — she notes the Chariots — pausing —
At her low Gate —
Unmoved — an Emperor be kneeling
Upon her Mat —

I’ve known her — from an ample nation —
Choose One —
Then — close the Valves of her attention —
Like Stone —

c. 1862

A torrent, a tempest
with nowhere to blow
water overflowing
pouring below
nothing to hold
water only flows
no where to go
spattering below

boiling, but no steam
as pressures increase
insanity in reach
with each, with each...
nothing to teach
just energy to burn
and burn
nothing to learn
only burn and burn
until smoke screams

trapped in a dream
can't run
or release, the page
'til it's done

If I had but one prayer answered it would be to heal like Paul and Peter.
If I could be remembered for one thing when I leave this world .
I pray that it would be for the way that I love everyone that I meet.
For I pray that Christ will in my life always become accomplished.
For to love not just the people that love you but even the ones that hate you.
This is my prayer that I love even those that despise me unconditional.
Now this is what Christ meant when he said love your neighbor as yourself.
Then I shall be blessed, because I am obeying Christ teachings fully.
Because if you love them that way then you love Christ fully as well the most.
Because you could n to ever love that way on your own mindset it would have to come from God.

I've been here for five days now.
Five days in this white walled, roomy apartment
With my other half.
Four nights we slept together.
When I go home, everything will change.
No more random kissing,
Or bass playing,
Or random I love you's,
Or even hearing his voice mumble
Some silly thing as we lay in bed.
We may sit in silence for a while,
While he works but it doesn't matter to me.
Just being near him is beyond good enough for me.
It feels like my heart will burst from
All of the love I have for him.
Tomorrow I go home.
It will be extraordinarily difficult
For me to leave him.
He will be in an another state
And an hour away.
Yet every single second with him,
I'm so grateful for.
Even when we do nothing, I'm grateful for it.
I'd rather do nothing with him
Than with someone else.