The child trapped within me, wonders
She still does…her heart filled with curiosities about the world around her
She still loves the smell of concrete after it rains
The feeling of velvet, the sound of Velcro as it detach itself
She is still intrigued about the intricate bends on an elderly face
And finds herself dancing among strangers to the tunes on her head
She still likes to feel the cold floor under her naked feet
…and at times she allows a smile without reason to fly away

The child trapped within me, still sings the songs she learned decades ago
When innocence couldn't make sense out of the corrupted lyrics
…she dares to invade my brain in search of herself
and  tries,oh how she tries to take ownership of absent things, that no longer belong to her

The child within me doesn't understand

It is time to disappear
Lost among the day to day
She cannot add the weight on the shoulders
the creaking of the joints, the sleepless night of a busy head
the tired feet
rhythm-less arms that forgot how to fly, and now…now can only float guideless
among thousands of face, hitting the shore
lingering in an ocean of responsibilities
drowning, my child, refuses to sink and resurfaces
intrigued by a reflection of intricate lines

Lost, I find her
Hidden deep inside, she escapes at times
To remind me of what life ought to be,
…afraid my child, hides again.

10 years ago and today: there is an
empty space at some table
non-given advices or hugs dwell in the could have been
Knots of silences forms in the throats of those as they remember the names, the moments
Soothing memories are shadowed by the present pain
We promised not to forget.
Even if desired, is impossible,
When your disappearance has impacted so many, even if they didn’t know you
Even if they can only imagine who you were among the thousands of faces lost forever that day,
They can imagine you were
someone’s daughter, or son
Someone’s father or mother,
Someone’s grandfather or grandmother,
Someone’s brother or sister,
Someone’s uncle or aunt,
Someone’s friend or significant other
They can only imagine you, as a figure
fallen within the statistics
HOWEVER,
they cannot feel what some of us felt
In the agony of resignation,
slowly accepting the crude fact
As the days went by, as we held the thinnest of hope alive
In the unconscious human belief (it can’t be happening to us)
And the eternal minutes of waiting for a
phone call, turned into hours
and the visits to strangers in hospitals hoping to see a familiar face
And the dreaded visit that confirmed our biggest fear
To hear a five year old said “I’m mad at god” because he took you away
Some of us saw our sanity crumble
As the reality presented itself
Slowly digesting it during the holidays,
Our birthdays,
Your birthday,
The births of those that you did not get to meet,
Of those that find you strange in picture.
The moments in which we imagine what you would have said
The moments in which your memories comes interrupting the conversations and creating the eternal silence…
We may never forget, but we are still
learning to live without you
Love you always

Once upon a time
I was your little girl
I didn't know of heaven or cared about hell as I slept in your arms
The resonance of your voice was sweeter than any lullaby as I slept in your arms...
Once upon a time
I used to look up to a giant,
my doubts, my fears: inexistent
Once upon a time
turbulence did not dared to touch me
as you held me tight to your warm

What happened to my fairy tale land?
I climbed a beanstalk to never return to you,
I grew as you became little,
Disappointment never failed to show,
as I lost faith in you
And you...you lost me
...I was your little girl once, everything was okay as long as you held my hands
But, it was you who forgot
the excitment of having a little girl,
the joy of seeing me grow
it was you, who missed...
What do you hold dear now days?
I honestly do not wish to know
You took a magic eraser and erased your little girl,
I still haven't found the magic that would make me return...
Or the spell to bring back the man I barely knew...