7.13° N, 125.6° E


15:41

You were leaving.

I could have asked you
A thousand things
In the time we spent together.

I could have asked you
For the real reason
As to why you chose to spend
Those past few nights with me
In this nameless, blameless city.

I could have asked you
Who or what you were thinking of
In the times that you fell silent
And stared off into the distance.

I could have asked you
If you thought that
Coming here was a mistake
And that you'd rather be somewhere else,
Lost in the arms of someone else.

I could have asked you how I never
Heard you utter my name and yet
The taste of his name still lingered
On your lips and on your tongue
And down your throat.

I could have told you
A thousand things
In the time we spent together.

I could have told you
How I wanted everything,
And yet nothing, to change.

I could have told you
That the people we used to love
Didn't have to ruin the memories
Of things we cherished the most
Or the memories that we were
About to create.

I could have told you
About how leaving was such sweet misery
And yet it didn't have to mean
Saying goodbye.

About how I was still uncertain
About everything.
About you, about me.

About what this was
And where all of this
Was going.

But no.
I tried my hardest not to.
I was too busy drowning
In the things I wanted to ask
And the things I wanted you to say
That I forgot
That it wasn't going to matter
Soon enough.


16:02**

You were already gone
Before you even left.

When I feel myself unhappy
I take up my pen and my diary.
Then I sit by the window on my chair,
From where; I can feel the blowing air.

Subsequently I begin to write
I write about the ‘Sight’
I write about my pain
I write like a crazy insane.
I write about my feelings
I write about every thing.

No matter it (story) is a good one or bad
But I only write to escaped from sad.
I don’t expect it to be great
I don’t expect it in a higher rate
I only write to get relief of my pain
I don’t write for gaining my fame.

Only writing brings me tranquility
Only writing removes my anxiety.
This is why I always write
And this is why I will keep write.

It seemed like a joke last night,
Didn't it Momma?
The lies seeping from within clenched teeth
Pleading, begging, lying,
How do you deal with the pain
How do you Momma?
How do you pretend life goes on
When it stopped dead cold five days ago
You act like you're doing fine,
But your eyes lie Momma
Dark circles cling to the underneath
And red rims water hesitantly
But we laughed anyway, Momma
Because laughing away the pain
Was easier than crying about it

you fly with wings stained with crimson
catch flight as quickly as lungs fill with air.
it's only natural
for you
to leave people so breathless.
but you stole the feathers from my throat
and there's no tickle on the back of my tongue.

Dear Raven,

**I can't fly without you.

You cant save my life
I am drawn
drawn in my own pain

You cant make me happy
I am covered
Covered with my own grief

You cant read me
I am written in the paper
damped by my own tears

You wonder why I dwell in the dark,
You wonder why I never call back,
You wonder why I be a lost sane,
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again,

Evading the city flare,
Evading to the mellow lair,
Evading the caramelised routine,
Evading a contagious whine,

A thing of pity, years and hence,
A sweet  obsession, that only commence,
You wonder if I have lost every sense,
I wonder if I ever made any sense,

You wonder why I invest so much,
You wonder why I run on loss,
You wonder what became of us,
I wonder if it's fantasy or lust,

Come! Come! Sure let's reshape our maps,
What has been and maybe perhaps,
Swoosh! Whoosh! Be undone and done!
How awfully convenient, is it not, hon?!

Exuberant creatures they flatter me often,
Those lofty lot, enticing I find none,
Sure I shall allow an unbiased  trial!
Sheath the heart, her eyes a biased thrill!

Never mention my poached heart,
And we'll get along just fine, love,
And be forever entwined,
In that same old fairytale, concubine!

You wonder why I am a repugnant aristocrat,
You wonder why I am a narcissist in grave dearth,
You wonder why I am a deception to change,
I wonder how passionately I was never your gain...

Of course I am not an island of my own,
Of course I am but a mere fraction of the whole,
Oh! Tempting balms! they embrace me so,
Quite the way you wrapped me Cozy, long ago,

You wonder why I am stuck in a rut,
You wonder why I choose not to be smart,
You wonder why I wait without disgust,
I wonder where my rescue boat is lost….

You wonder why I let the years fly by,
You wonder why I live in the bygone and deny,
You wonder why I never forget your voice,
You wonder why I keep every memory alive,

I wonder if I'll ever see you again,
I wonder if it will all be the same.....