There's a thorn in my finger
I pull and watch the black pour out
Watch as anger takes me into stone
I stop
Frozen in place
Filled with a dark heart
I spring back to life
Leaping at the enemies that put knives into me
But as soon as I walk away
The feelings fade
No knives
No ******
Just me
Alone with a dark heart
Alone with black blood
A monster inside
A passion of mine
Escape is no option
Can't run
But I'll hide

I don't want to stop writing these words
No one might read but I write
because what I feel is too deep
what I feel for you what I feel for them
what I feel for everything
I need to make sense of it
I have to
so I won't stop writing
cause if I do I might drift away and end in a dark place where the people around me feel like that animated caroline movie
where everyone had buttons for eyes
they were made of cloth and strings
And She, she  thought she was going crazy
I might be going crazy
Everything is the same
everyone is the same
and the more I learn about this world the less I understand
And how how could it be that you feel something so strong for someone but it goes away
infact you hate them
I don't want to hate
but I do I hate you
And everyone I knew
cause they keep changing
and I keeping loving hating
loving hating
No constants in my life
Cause they're all made of cloth and buttons
And they have buttons for eyes
I used to know those eyes
lies lies
made your eyes buttons
I feel nothing now
I'm becoming a piece cloth and button
come to think I about it
ha3 I wish
Cause I cry every night
and I laugh all day every day
and I want I analyze  relationships
While u see goals
goals
And I see holes holes
You try to paint a realistic picture
while I drip paint my decisions
my life
And you try to figure me out
you try to understand it
till u get bored and you can't stand it
how can you understand if I myself
keep trying to
Let's just go away
and leave this goals and messs
and stresss
Let's go
to fordham road
that's a bad neighborhood
I would walk and walk till it's night time
That's when all the stars come out
I don't know what it is that I wannna say
I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way
but I'm not ganna do what I hear me say
I'm just ganna walk
I'm ganna walk away

I'm sorry
I'm sorry* I'm like this
I'm sorry I'm stupid
I'm sorry I'm mean
I'm sorry that when someone
Tries to love me
I push them away
Because once they start to
They always leave

Because right now
I'm not ready
For someone to love
Every inch
Of the parts of me
That I hate
With a burning
Passion

And don't say
"It's okay."
And that you can
Wait for me

Because you may
Be waiting on me
Forever.

Because maybe
I'll never be strong enough
To trust someone
With the beating thing
In my chest
That breaks
Oh-so
Easily.

-e.w

I want
To feel
Love
So bad.
But at the
Same time,
I don't want
To feel like
I finally
Matter to someone
And then get dropped
Because I know
That I will
Shatter, once again
Into a million,
Teeny-tiny
Pieces.

-e.w.

You tell me
That I'm "pretty",
Inside and
Out

But you don't
Realize
How hard
It is for me
To actually take these words
To heart

Because once,
A beautiful boy
Who's eyes
Were as blue
As the ocean
Told me
That I was the
Most beautiful girl
He had ever seen

Coincidentally,
Just two weeks later
There was another
Blonde hair,
Green eyed "beauty"
That I was
Replaced with

Because guess what?
I wasn't pretty enough
I wasn't nice enough
I wasn't good enough.

Because I am
Never
Good enough.

And trust me,
I know
I never will be.

-e.w.

hearing Shakespeare,
my-own-voice
crack'd, stilted,
stuttered-shut by the
mocking silence of still
waters on the brain

poverty exposed,
raggedy verbiage for a
raggedy man's
frayed fringed garments

ashamed of
every word I ever wrote,
not even ten survivors,
not enough to pray collectively
for muse~forgivement

****,
hush me not,
no chairs turned,
the public has not texted,
new tattoo:
write on for audience of one

a necessity, a life sentence

a single topic, a subject,
a life, mine,
still unmastered,
decades of trying

poverty exposed, unmasked
for what it is worth,
or what it is not