Go on, take everything, you want to
so do it, take the money from the drawer,
the pearls from the little red box,
the watches - useless with immeasurable time,
cigars from Cuba, take those too,
Picasso rares, Da Vinci secrets,
take them all, go on.

Take the whole world into your palm
with your last inch of weakness,
just squeeze, bare your white knuckles
drain us of the materialistic monsters
and with your weakness bring us back to us,
bring us back to this earth, with nothing but a clean heart.

Loneliness is more than a feeling,
It's a creature that manages,
To swallow you whole, chew you up,
And spit you out on the bedroom floor,
Unable to move, but rocking from,
Involuntery sobbing. I know you're not the only one,
You're not the only one who has drowned,
In the beast's stomach acid,
And Oh! Don't salty tears taste so sweet,
You would know, they sneak their way on to those lips,
And you can't resist but to lick your own sorrow,
Your ribs wouldn't be so bruised either,
If it was easier to breathe.

The demons keep chanting.
Drawing you to them,
Closer with every song.
Their magnetic pull is too strong for you.
Before long
They'll consume you
And we'll laugh at your misfortune.
Like the soulless creatures humans are.

A vile taste, they spat words at you,
They thought nothing but a joke of you,
But I saw it, I saw you for you,
I loved you for they way you'd smile,
The way your hair tangled, and your past,
If only everyone had the eyes of mine,
So they'd see beauty in people's flaws,
If only everyone had the eyes of mine,
They wouldn't have spat at you so violently.

And I swear, I shouldn't have been
The first to see you swing,
I shouldn't have rushed to bring you the chair,
Your spirit wasn't there anymore,
And when I cut you down,
I couldn't inflate your ******* lungs,
Why did I have to be the one?
It's all their fault, they needed to see you like this,
They needed to see the red beauty dripping from your lips.

From that day, May the 5th,
Not once, did your family ever speak ill of you,
Always cried and said they missed your heart,
On that day, May the 5th,
So many lies erupted, that they didn't need dirt to bury you,
In the first place, you shouldn't have been the one to die,
And they should have never told you to take your own life,
Too many times, you'd run away to me,
And I'd see the damage of the words they'd speak.

Sit with a blank stare,
Mechanical chest,
In... Out.
In... Out.
Throbbing of a sore heart
Da dum.
Da dum.
Left foot twitches;
Itching
To walk the world.
Despondent minds.
Blink once, stare.
Sit and stare.

From across the dim
Hazy room,
I ask,
"What...
What are you...
Waiting for?"

Quietly, you answer,
Careful not to break
Your intense stare.
"Here, I wait
For the world to change,
For it to accept me
And my failed attempts
To be something more."

We were lost,
in the deepest,
darkest forest of death.
The blood had flooded in
and drained the trees
of everything but sin.
And we were there
dark, shadowy figures
chasing the darkness
longing for it's warmth
but we slipped and fell
on the moon's sweet beams.
Slowly you began feeding
I looked at you confused
and you nodded,
I knew what you were doing now.
"Tonight, We feast on their blood!"
And we drank three humans blood
all night long,
toasting to things we shouldn't know of.
Once they were drained
we left their empty bodies
in the formation of 666
calling upon the devil.
Our eyes turned black
and we sang til our posessed bodies
could sing no more.

You shake like a ******* crack addict coming down,
Yet, you've never smoked it in your life,
I don't mean to be obnoxious,
But, jesus christ!
Are you alright?
"Get out of here."
Pardon? I'm here to help you.
"They want me, and with you here,
You're in their way, Go."
Who is they, lady?
Who are they?!
"No! Please! GOD NO!
No. No. No.
Ple-" cough splutter urrrrrk
Speechless, I watched you choke
Twist and break your bones,
I've never, seen something so violent,
I watched you give in and die
To the voices inside your head,
And it was all their doing,
Whoever the **** they are...

I have more than just flames,
Flickering on the tips of my fingers;
Underneath and above the edge of the world
I will dance, similar to the way wind creates wars between the leaves.
A melancholy dawn to new days; and the fear of uncertainty
Rumbles through you, shattering all your teeth.
I will pour you another cup of tea,
From my psychedelic purple cat face teapot containing a stopped clock,
We will sit silently on the brink of disaster
As we always have... and something beneath us will laugh.

.                                                      I don't wish
                                          
                                                                ­          to read "Meaning of Life",
                      
                                                                ­     though,
                                                                ­                      tempting.

The mirror has never
ever really been a friend of mine.
It twists and distorts my body
in ways unimaginable
even to horror movie directors.
showing the ghosts
slipping into my body
between these pale lips.
Swirls of black
and blood red
pulsate in the background.
What the mirror does to me
is evil, and i wonder
if it's ever met the devil
or is the devil me?

Yes,

       They

T-to-took

                 Her-

S-s-s-*******

                       All

Be-b-b-beauty-ty

                            From

H-h...h­er

                                     *Wrists

We let the last breath
Slip between our southern hands
And each air bubble
Was strangled
So violently
By the ocean which guides us.
The sand and salt
Erodes away our toes
As if telling us
That the water is ready
To wash us away.
Always seeming to eager.
It puts you on edge.
You are forever in control
But what now? What now?
As the blood inside you
Slowly turns blue
Like you are the ocean
You realise that it's time.
It's time for nothing
And everything.
It's time for you to float away
And swallow the salt.

Broken bones and fractured skulls
How much longer can we take the heat?
They expect us to be okay
Under depression and the weight of the world
But have they ever measured it?
Our knee caps are exploding
We're falling apart
No ones ever done it quite so tragic
Hearts have never been so full of plastic
And so scarred with paper cuts
Swords in our eyes and we breathe
Through rotten lungs and sewed up mouths
Happiness and death have never been so similar
We have no idea why we're here
Or who we are, our heads are high
And bleeding from our ears
Filthy words and filthy judgements
We turn to the only acceptable places left
And they still don't apporove
Much of the drugs we take
And many of the liquids consumed
Are just for the relief of them
Those horrible humans
Who think they're better than us; the outcasts
Too bad they made us who we are.

I think that's why therapy scares everyone;
No one likes realizing that they're ****** up.
And therapy is just raw truth being fired at you like cannon *****.
Raw truth hurts, but sometimes, it can save you and your soul.

Behold!
The Ugly world!

Come on now, kids.
Open your eyes,
Open your windows.

Everything here can
and will **** you.

Every breathing, talking
human being will judge you.

You'll fall victim
to sins that religions fail
to take from you.

You'll be a ******
and grow up to be a *****.

Darknesses will come and go
You'll fall down rabbit holes
but you'll never disappear.

Every thing is possible
in this ugly place,
or so they say,
everything is possible
except escape.

Breathe in now, kids,
absorb the vile smokes,
toxins and dust,
these will **** you too.

Here, is the land
of "freedom";
it's a lie.

Take a gun,
swallow the smoke,
and brace yourself to fight,
fight against governments,
laws, lies, religions and yourself.

Go on now, children.
Go fight.
Have fun. :)

fading away
and losing hope
grip
on everything that ever mattered.
i'm ******* losing myself
to the void.
that big ******* void
of nothingness.
i can't stay here
and i can't leave
either.
but i can be swept
somewhere
else in my mind.
Where am i going?
That wonderful void
i dread so much.

I hate that you took away my ability to believe that anyone loves me.
I hate that you twisted my mind in places that forced me to be afraid,
Constantly.
I hate that you made the self hate cut deeper.
You made me hate myself so much more.
I hate that you made me feel so ******* insane,
In a way that I thought I deserved the pain…
Self inflicted or otherwise.
I hate that I begged you to **** me
Just to make the pain stop
And to satisfy this weirdly imbedded thought that somehow it would make your life easier.

I hate you and the ghosts and the scars you’ve left me with.
I hate you and I didn’t deserve this.

And whilst there  are moments like this…
Where I feel empty and worthless.
Know that the times where I feel ten feet tall and more powerful than a god are far more common.
You’ve taken things, pieces of me. But you can’t take anything else.

We always knew I'd be the one to drown,
How I was surrounded by confident people
Never really made sense to me, when I was so
vunerable and selfconcious.

I never quite understood how I always knew
that the water would be the only one to take me
and the only thing I ever learnt to respect.

They always said drowning was peaceful,
But it always seemed a myth
Until the seabed caught me, and ****** away my fears,
fears of the future, the past, the truth and life.

And all the burning suddenly stopped,
like the water knew how to put out the fire in my lungs,
The voices in my head, floated away
and the scars seemed to vanish in the salt.

"Death is just another adventure..."
They were right.

Drag me by the heart strings...



                                                   ­        Make me feel something.

I'm always
                   tired and
                                  sick;
find the security in that.

My mind wanders
                               way
                                      too
                                           close
to the edge;
                   it's wiating to be pushed.
there is no comfort in that.

Sparkling red droplets
                                     tangle
                                                their
                                                         way
around wrists, a beautiful dance of mixing sins.

There is no security, no safety, no comfort
within me anymore.

I'd describe it as turbulent beyond silence, an unedited, untouched sequence that spills like blood from the pen.
Unintentional wounds to minds as feelings are played with like Barbie dolls in a 5 year olds prime.
Unrelenting and unpredictive thoughts lash out viciously in sweet melodic pulses.
Da DUM   .   .   .   DA BURST
Who is really the first to drown?
The living or the sea?
Deeper down and disturbingly fluent; the wash of words become clearer, stuttering.
You forget what really needs to be learnt once you start learning.
So much becomes lost the moment you are influenced.
But who writes the rule books on which rhythms take control?
Easily said but not easily discussed.
Choked by a thousand thoughts a minute, we lose track.
Healthy are those un brainwashed and remaining at 68% anarchist, still refusing pollutants fed straight into our veins.
4 jabs a day is the recommended dosage.
Desensitisers, artificial frontal lobotomy replacements, constant comatose states; you breathe for yourself but who thinks for you?
Whose mind do you have?

At nineteen,
I told you my deepest darkest secret.
I thought I could rely on you to hold my hand through the pain.
Figured the fact we knew each other for so long meant we had a bond.

At nineteen, I told you he ***** me.

At nineteen, you shapeshifted.
You morphed into a volcano.
You became explosive with rage.

You told me it was my fault.
That I had to make it up to you.

At nineteen, I told you more truths.
At nineteen, you refused to believe
Or acknowledge, understand,
Or even think for a second that he tried to **** me.

I guess that was something only you were allowed to do.

But it’s all true.
The years I’ve spent walking through hell.
From both of you.
I know you said to never compare you to him.
But you’re much the same.
That’s why you were so afraid when in a sentence I spoke both your names.

Whose gun is at your head?

Whose gun is at your head?
Tomorrow I graduate,
And feast on my heart; they're giving it back.
Only small parts though...
Freedom is not exactly free.

As I tick through a day that doesn't feel
     R. E. A. L.
I'll remember a time when eating clocks
Was a delight
And night never came
Because time never sung.

But what will tomorrow bring?
The final burst of detrimental metaphors and acidic teachers egos,
Who depend on a pay package
"Not enough" for their knowledge.
They should've stayed human.

I wince as the cogs twist
And an ever continuing robotic system
Chomps down on thousands of more souls.

And I beg for new a freedom.

drink to your teeth and sweat,
i'll drink to the bruises you built
pray to the flesh you tore
cigarette ashes settle on your eyes
You'll drown, you'll drown
this is your demise.

burns stay
and not all scars are my own.
every droplet of wine
spat in my face,
every knuckle
that broke a bone.
you let him leave.

but i made you watch,
i made you watch me walk away.

It's not my fault,
That I can't leave the house.
I can't stop
Being self conscious at all.
It's eating me alive.
It's taking my soul.

I wish I could leave the house
As easily as
Every other teen.
I want to be like them.
I wish to fit in.

Most days,
It's hard to breathe.
Most days,
I struggle to eat.

I hate me.
I hate who I am.
I want to leave this shell I'm caged in.
I want to be someone else.
Anybody else.

Stealing innocence from a thousand children,
we watch them bleed *****,
we know this is the end of the beautiful era,
where the only monsters that existed,
were in our closets,
imagination flowed through every vein,
kids could play on streets without a fear,
and they were all friends,
this is the beginning of something horrible, unimaginable,
this is the age of paedophiles,
eating disorder increases,
gun wars, ***, technology, drugs and knife fights,
too many of today's kids are being ****** into,
these blood splattered, ***** streets,
and we can't fight this movement.

I found hell sliding down
The slight curve of your flawless porcelain back,
Embedded discreetly in electric spinal cord buzzing.
And yet... Your eyes moistened with
Glittering pools of heaven.
The reports say I drowned...
But I know your back cracked,
Hell scrambled out...
Breaking my neck
And crushing my ribcage
In a swift enchanting dance.

Everyone uses me as a diving platform,
To plunge into their own happiness.
But I still have stage fright.
I’m still scared of drowning…
Of trying.
Shuffle my feet to the edge…
And I jump backwards.
My biggest regret
Is the plunge I won’t take.
Because what if the pool is empty?

Like eyes,
(a) heart know(s)
(how to waste) away time.
(With every) smile,
(&) day
(a) mind just
forget(s) past
(& current) fear(s) (of) life.

My
                    
                  Whole

                                     Life
                                              Is

                                                        A
                                                               Poorly

                                                                               Written

                                                                                              P O E M.

"I hope you have a lovely new year and that you have many happy New Years to come. I also hope that your years are as good as mine were"

But what is a soldier without his gun?
A brave little boy, playing makebelieve
in his room with a plastic G.I Joe doll,
his camouflage inaccurate and too yellow.
Plastic sand bag barriers scattering the floor
this boy has never learnt a thing of the war.
leaving it all up to imagination
he takes the tiny plastic radio
and calls in, "Mission complete -
Commander, we're comming home.
Over and out".
Creating a fake static noise with his mouth
which takes us to a new scene.
Accurate camouflage colours this time,
the australian flag on his shoulder,
but that little boy from his room
is now wearing them as a man.
A soldier he has become
with destruction all around him,
he was flown to Vietnam.
A high-tech radio for real this time,
"Man down! Man down!"
One of his unit fell heavy in the mud.
303. slung over our little-boy-from-his-room's shoulder
he drags the wounded behind trees and shrubs
an act of valour.
Though, our little boy did not know,
that he'd be wounded too
and comming home tomorrow.

She never said it'd be a clean break
because Her train has derailed again
and this time she made sure
you were crushed in the collision.
This is the end of everything,
She's made sure of that.

Perhaps I'll find my tongue one day,
Soon after I stumble upon stable feet.
Dreaming of colourful winter days
Spent waking you up for tea.

I am 26 letters more empty,
Than I was yesterday.
This world is the constant dripping of a tap,
Drilling into my skull one millimetre at a time.
This world is safely wrapped in bubble wrap,
Beautifully shattered from the inside.
We have thousands of bubbles to pop,
One god ****** pope at a time.
Interfering personal spaces,
Dancing wildly on the edges of dust.
We sit and rust on O2 particles
Kissing dreams of lust as our bones cuss.

I swear I've never seen a more beautiful body than yours
as it was swinging from the roof.
You were almost hypnotic.
your whole life was always something of a dark show.
And i memorized your peaceful expression
seeing you happy, atleast, for the last time
It gets me dizzy and jealous, i think.
I think i'm just dilerious and beyond the point
of sane,

I fall in love with concepts of the simplest human movements.
I find my sense of purification and healing in the way you close your eyes,
No different to any other person.
A powerful burst of anger overwhelms me as you clench your fist around air.
The way you walk brings fear...

Are you staying or going?

I thought I was dreaming when you said you loved me.
You uttered I was a fantasy...
The whole world unravelled and gave way beneath me,
Revealing a colourful universe.
A world I fell in love with.

But now you’re gone...

And you don’t love me anymore.

And I am lost...

Sunk back into the darkness.

I want to break these dice,
There's not chances anymore;
Only the restful slumber of drowning.
I'm not going swimming
But my own ******* heartache is swallowing me
Whole; and I am not whole.
Not now, not anymore.

And you still love me,
You haven't even left
And that's an admirable thing
Because I'm ******* nuts
And I'm thankful.

This distance is forever widening
Giving birth to more space between us
Weakening the strands of a paper thin
Tight rope we situated our love on.
About to snap and you don't feel a thing.
Your love has changed;

I used to be comfortable with the idea of loneliness,
And for the most part welcome it as normal.
Solitude was my high ground
And I didn’t need anyone.
Self sufficient, functioning.
I was strong.

But then you showed me it didn’t have to be that way.
I didn’t have to ‘survive’ alone.
I wasn’t an outcast.
I wasn’t alienated.
I was loved.
And could love.
You showed me that I could be accepted.  


And then you left.

And loneliness is so terrifying.

And I am so scared.

I was going to write a poem today,
About love and loss,
Sin and gin,
But the motion was buried
By the question of how to drown myself
In the puddles outside my window.

I hear the heavens getting angry at me
They said to me, "follow us, for you have sinned"
I have lost control
I've lost my soul
And they're letting the rain pour
I await the storm to drown me
I'm stuck in this world, like a prisoner of war
The heavens want to wash me away, this I can forsee
No longer can I pleed
They want me gone.

I don’t know.
It feels like I’m floating in limbo
Wrapped in barbed wire
Watching you tug the end
As you walk away.

I am waiting. I am aching.
I need to know if you’re working on this too.
Because yesterday was my last day and I’ll be better from now on.
I hope you’ll love me, from now on.