Hospital haze,
sick previously for a couple days,
6am bed ridden,
Ma'am you're dying,
Apostrophe re,
The pain in your chest,
Sinking feeling in your stomach,
It's not in your head, not in your head.

The satellites parted, opening as her King stepped down onto the rings of Saturn. They'd meet like this each night, the Love gravitating her spirit towards Him. No telescope nor spaceship could ever come close to witnessing, the beauty of the eye of the beholder. And he beheld her. In the palms of His hands. His presence like oxygen, his tears like the guilt of life weighing down her back. The Stars danced for only her, and the sun only shone to come up and kiss her pale cheeks.    A father does whatever he can to make his little girl happy. But sadly I'm stuck on the earth, lighting my window on fire. Watching as the screen burns out. Thinking of the bruises along my back. A father is suppose to do whatever he can to make his little girl happy. One day I'll break your jaw, so I'll never have to see it clench up again, as you scream your worthlessness into my ears. I wish I was the reason that there was rings on Saturn.

I do not fear men, I fear the intentions of them.

You're the itch on my back,
that I can't ever scratch,
Belistic bohemian,
The headache,
That never parts ways with my aching brain,
Please just butter me up,
& tell me I'm alright,
You crack in the side walk,
You glass in the sand,
Hold me tightly never let go of my hand.

She said, I'll never love a man...
Who ridicules my weight,
I said then don't,
Who bothers me about my posture,
Being straight...scoliosis,
I said then don't,
Who says I can't wear this or that,
I said then don't,
Who questions my morales & beliefs,
I said then don't,
Who makes fun of the things,
That bring me relief,
I said then don't,
Who wants to have *** after the first date,
I said then don't,
She said, I'll never love a man...
I said then don't.

I want you between the seams of my love.

Her hips are angel wings,
Taking her higher,
Than the pitches in her moans,
Take a deep breath,

I plaster memories over faces,
Distant places in the present,
I dominate the room with the constant regrets,
Of yesterday 1978,
I pull the liquid thoughts,
Of what I can & cannot do,
Overlap it weighing,
Out the good & the good,
Don't tell me who I am,
You've got no right to be dating,
I'm your mother you'll do as I say,
Paper rain; origami,
Mailing needs to go to the vet today,
Today,
I'll have to dig her up out of her grave,
Today,
Tomorrow,
Yesterday,
Here & now,
I plaster faces over memories,
Room full of strangers could be enemies,
Get out of my house,
Get the hell away from me,
Daughter, brother, uncle,
Who are you,
It's hard being 20 when you're 93...

Whiskey weekends,
I promise im saved,
Round two,
Hands in the air,
Or on me,
Sweat dripping,
From lust filled minds,
Dance dance dance,
We laughed,
Over the glamorous house party lights,
He said im gonna get you so drunk,
You won't remeber what you said,
I said lets gooooooooo,
It's not beds,
It's walls and couched,
Keep it classy,
I'm too assy,
He said,
So many things,
As the clothes,
Dipped off the skin,
Saturated telephone poles,
In my drunken daze,
I looked up,
Whispering,
I promise I'm saved.

You will always be mine,
Even if I'm not yours...

is it bad, that I've never made love,
but I sure know how to ****,
My favorite line,
From my least favorite song.

Lifes a pair of pliers, a dog chained to a tree.
But beauty in it, there's grace for you & me.
So for now, I'll float; in this continuess river.

I fell on my knees before my King

He asked me what I'm doing,
I told him I was changing.

He said," I'll watch."

Pizza bagels & guacamole, thank God

We were a piano, you are the keys, I am the strings, or perhaps I am the peddles beneath your feet, we play beautifully when we're alone.

All the right notes, fingertips and tired sighs.
We make love, we make poetry, we make music.
Your tired back, aching over the keys. There's a violin somewhere in the back ground. But all I can hear is you. Everything is louder in this empty hallway, empty home. You echo...& return to me.

I will not be satisfied until, your paw printed blankets, are the only thing between us...

I've never been fond of the idea, of walls between lovers. Because usually, one of them ends up dead...

It's not about the fact that I can get the dress on, it's a about how quick I can get it off. And the answer to the equation is that boys like sleeping in there own bed. The problem is that the sum of life is ***. The square root is love, but no one rounds it up.

You counted the seams on my sundress,
Stopping at my hip,
The flaring floral pattern, opposite attraction,
Swirling spirals against thighs,
Fingertip lullaby,
Desire deepening in the heart of hearts,
The butterflys don't flutter,
All they do is kick,
The taste of your spit on my tongue,
As you kiss me like I'm the only one,
I'm afraid of heights, as I watched the clothes,
Flutter to the ground,
It's too late to turn back.
Swans mate for life.

I talk to God about you lately, more often then not. He's a jealous father, with overprotective ways.

I lick the sores in my mouth, the toxins running out. It feels like it's been ages since I've eaten. Living off long gone love. Sitting in praise and worship, feeling the weight of a God I need. I'll come crashing to my knees. For now I'll sit in my seat. It's not jiving. You make me laugh, with how uncertain you are of yourself. This red carpet beneath my feet, keeps me alive. The ghost of something holy, so tangible. In his arms, ghosts can love...

I watched as you made your bed in the sand,
Laid down to sleep,
The tidal wave of your own mothers words,
Cømîng crashing down on you...
I'd hate myself too, Id look in the mirror & cringe at what Id see. But I've become so distant from my body, I'm just a memory. My bestfriends a seahorse. Makes me feel a little bit less empty. He knows I'll have to go away soon. Or maybe close my eyes & drownd. I won't face my creator cause all she thinks is of my mistakes, of being born overweight. This solitude is confining, I'm losing it. I wish I could bury myself under a rock, dig all the hooks from under my skin. An old net from an old boat.

trampoline youth in revolt, got kicked off cause I'm too old. Tattle tail toddlers thought you were twenty. Forgot you grew up to be a Scrooge. I'll sit under this deck, rewrite old poems to a sutle headache that never goes away. You are my favorite pain.

You were just something I needed to get off my chest...

I wore the words A M E N on my wrist,
Like a bracelet tattooed, permanent.

I laid shirtless on the bed for hours, there was no form of release. I traced the veins on my arms, wondering if they carried a disease.
To my heart, that would drive you away so soon. They say loves a fragile thing, it fades out so quickly. Who's to say what love is & what's not. You were the lamp shade to my nightlight, keeping it out of my eyes. So I could sleep at night. I feel my heart being dragged back into the undertow of this ocean I call home.

Bean bag wasted dreams,
Legs on your lap,
Making out with a bottle of jack,
My bestfriend is on crack,
Cause life is wack,
I like the awkward faces you make,
& the way you always lick your lips,
After the first sip.
I like the human species,
And how were convinced you can fight with your eyes closed and still win.
Hawks always fly by me, with sad eyes,
They know something about me, that I'll never know. You said, " man I could sleep on you"
Butterfly kisses on bridges of my nose.
Drunk expierences.

I took a bath in alchohol, to clean the wounds no one could see, all the sins washed away.
I let my hair down, and took a walk in the wind bare.

Why do cuss words come out,
Unrighteously in pain,
Our brain,
Triggering the thoughts...or emotions.
Dislocating your leg, chapped lips
broken heart.
Dead Sea ****** mask,
Keep the positive vibes flowing,
Over this cup I refuse to drink of,
This sorrow that holds on so strongly,
I'm an ant at a picnic of life,
Wasn't invited, wasn't invited, wasn't invited.

My alarm went over at 8:00am
I gave it the ******* & rolled over.
You weren't there.

Because God where are you...?

One day I'll have a dad, as great as you pretend to be.

If I die before I wake, I accept my fate.
Hell Yeah!!!!!

I like this side of my door, I like the lock on it.
How there's no key. Solid wood, pretty. I like the boxes I can stack against it full of the things I promised myself I'd never open again. The diseased words of people I thought I meant something to. They stick nicely with tape.
He said tonight's the night like any night, to lose it. I leaned my head against the concrete, staring at the castle I built infront of a door that should've been a window. Cause there's on one to play with. I make myself sick to my stomach thinking. I'd rather be puking from drinking. Where's your friends Madison, where's your friends. What were you thinking...

I asked a man for a ciggerate, he pulled the pack out of his back pocket. Handed me one, like it was a loaded gun. Like I was going to laugh and make fun. Turn on him quick & run. I stood there in the dark breeze humming Bob Dylan. He turned to me and said, " kid I see you with a gun to your head, always hiding in bathrooms like that's your heaven instead" he layed out the floor plans on how life worked. Graphs and data of the sorts. No fancy words, no past life inquiry. Not a man but an eagle. He said he still sees me with a gun in my hand as he flew away to some unreachable tree top. The lights faded out, realizing how alone you are, with a gun to your head, on the bathroom floor trying to make it to heaven instead, you dip your toes in the lake of fire. It's warm, I could stay a while.

Laugh until you cry, you stupid stupid little girl

Tommorow I won't wake up happy or well manufactured, things came crashing in.
I'll stare at the sky like a ballroom ceiling, ballroom ceiling. That's where I left you, my angel in disguise. Negative anatomy, childish at heart.

Innocent adolescence, my favorite words.

Gnosticism guacharos, live disorderly, in the thick of the juncture. Junkyards plethoric, plagiarized with pandemonium, adapting to the actuality that were all inanimate commodities in well built bodies. Garage permeated minds...you cannot preserve a disposition. Then I shall have the upper hand my friend. Cracks in the side walk lead me home...

They played in the Garden of Eden,
After hours, when the street lights when out,
And the pavement cooled down,
They drank from green hoses,
Fine aged wine in a different world,
He gave her a boost,
Soft hands on bark,
So close to touching the moon,
The earth beneath her,
No fragile wings opened,
They chopped down the tree the next day,
No Garden of Eden,
And no little girl to play,
He spends his days making paper airplanes,
Thinking of the sky that took his bestfriend.

I heard you have a crush on Luna,
That beautiful girl up in the sky,
It makes me jealous that she caught your eyes,
Before I, it sounds childish and transparent.
But I know she has you wrapped around her finger, her unearthly glow. You've fallen into the craters of her Creator & that's okay. I know we look at the same piece of Art, but we don't see the same. She'll always be your lover & I'll never be tame. She's there for you every night. Consistently consistent on proving the point about how truly perfect she is...it's not in my nature, I run & I'll live how i please.

I can hear the whispers,
Leaving the sinking sunkin feeling,
Like my heart is a pit,
My favorite position,
Chriscrossed hands on my ankles,
Book in my lap,
Turning in on myself,
Like a well phrased chorus,
Everyone can see the notes,
But not all could read,
I'm not sad nor bitter,
I'm a bird in a cage full of trees,
A fish on a leash,
Going no where, don't follow me.

Wash the backyard off your face,
And the two am swing sets,
Cheers to the forever long gone sandbox toys,
The treehouse we burned down in 03,
Blue fruit snacks,
When being first in line was a win,
Scraped shins & knees,
Bandsids they could fix anything,
There's no such things as love,
Just lightning bugs & undreamed of,
Worlds....

i wrote a letter on a napkin,
Left it in the break room for all to see,
Butterflys & dragon wings,
Dented brains,
Zombies are lame,
Apostolic Atmosphere,
Coke pancakes,
Canadian convos,
Metaphorically you're a drawr in reverse,
I'm not ****** just lonely.

Date a girl who doesn't need you,
           Let her take you higher,
Fall into her depths,
                                  Or the emptiness,
        You'll know if it's real or not,
            She smells of daisys,
  

She'll drive you crazy,
Her words F
                       L                   T
                                O   A             I    N
                                                                    G

Through your brain,
Like drift wood in the ocean,
You'll love her,
Like Aphrodite,
Diamonds in her eyes,
Silk for skin,
An angel in disguise.

For the love of God,
Just love Him.

Feeling a little bit crazy,
Lifes getting kinda hazy,
Is this more than a crush?

We **** in the name of lust,
Calling it just,
Because you can't afford to feed another mouth,
Yet you can afford to sleep with a man,
Who can't even support himself,
How selfish,
1.2 million deaths,
Unjustified their lives burnin out like candles,
The only way to solve the dilemma,
Is to **** something you claim to not be alive,
It's heart beats at the age of five weeks,
Smaller than a penny,
Already depending on you to live,
But clinics make it easy,
Less messy,
They don't tell you about the emotional,
Damage,
Day in,
Day out,
The blood on your hands,
Under your finger nails,
It doesn't wash out,
This unholy war needs to stop.

Poems in pill bottles,
Prescribed to your brothers ex,
Laying in the palm of your hand,
Like an injured bird.