I remember the first time I heard a poem and knew it was poetry.
Sitting in an audience twiddling my thumbs wondering when this stupid class would be over I never
Expected to find this interesting
Until they walked on stage
Every one of them dressed in black
I knew none of them
Minds wandering as one of those strangers walked forward, leaned toward the mic
My apathy and boredom causing me to ignore him
Until he spoke
He opened his mouth and the words fell out
But these were no ordinary words
They were filled with helium
And as they floated off his tongue up to the heavens
They took the mask hiding this mans face with them
He wasn’t a stranger anymore
We knew his dreams, fears, aspirations
He was an inspiration sending sensations in the form of goose bumps up my arms
I listened as the strangers surrounding me dissolved into something more familiar
Telling me their stories
Hearing their sweet voices would cause the corners of my mouth to curl up creating this Cheshire cat smile
While I was too afraid to snap or clap
Not thinking my opinion was worthwhile
All I did was listen
You see
I’m usually quiet
These thoughts run circles through my head
Until the ruts they make hit the bottoms of my feet.
With stuttering lips and chewed cheeks
Shaking hands, pounding heart beat
I tried to be that old stranger who was now a friend
I tried to speak
But my voice was weak
The muscles controlling my sounds
Crumbling from years of mistreatment
Somewhere deep inside my throat the thoughts they get hung
On something
Until one night at four in the morning suddenly the flood gates opening
My words flowing faster than the ink I used to try and jot them down
And with unstable body itch and twitch
I stood under those bright lights
Saying
this is me
this is my voice
Poetry gives me a voice
And now
You can still watch my legs quake my face turn red my voice shake
And sometimes my words fill like lead rather than light
But ******* at least I’m trying
this is my catharthacism
Helps to feed my narcissism
Tell me
What the **** is wrong with loving yourself?
I love myself
Say it
Write it
Because proclaiming your love or putting it to paper makes it that closer to the truth
Just Fake it till you make it
If I didn’t I couldn’t take this world
And I want so badly to keep on living
Breathing Speaking Listening
To your poetry
Until there are no more strangers

He used to quote John Green

Like the cancer kid he was "on a roller coaster that only went up”

He never told me he was afraid of heights

I never loved you

I never even really liked you that much

You were just a boy that was there, that was nice

That’s all just a boy

I just wanted to be a girl

I wanted us to be like leeches, like parasites

We get what we wanted and then fall off

And that’s what I did but you

You refused to leave, you grew attached

you said it’s over you said I’m done

But you were the one that wasn’t leaving

And when I did you followed me

You aren’t a very good leech

People say love is a game

Monopoly is more fun than this ****

and at least that comes with directions though no one bothers to read them

With love the rules change with every new player

The basics are

You should smile

Laugh at all their jokes especially if none of them are funny

do not be too “available”

do not awkward

do not be weird, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

I’m not a hopeless romantic

I’m just hopeless

People tell me to get a clue

But I’d much rather be playing clue

Yeah Miss Scarlett killed Mr. Body with the lead pipe in the hall

But hey at least she can’t break your heart

See I don’t mind losing a silly little board game

but baby I couldn’t stand to lose you

When you’re gone my hearts

when you’re with me it hurts even more

This hurt shooting through my veins and down my spine

like the rush of a thousand bingos and Yahtzee’s combined  

reminding me I’m alive

That I can feel and think and… love

I don’t want to lose that

I can’t lose that

But wins and losses are a part of life

And I’m not talking about the one I can cheat at

So I’ll just cross my fingers and roll the dice.

My momma always warned me
She’d say
“Baby doll liquor runs through our veins”
I was making a family tree for health class last week and a third of the people hanging from the branches had beer bottles clinking next to them.
My grandfather’s favorite hobby was downing a bottle of jack and carrying out the cliché tradition of beating his wife and kids
Just like his father did.
My dad learned from this vowing never to forget what alcohol did too his family
My uncle he drinks just trying to forget.
My mother has a similar background
She remembers riding into town with my grandma to buy her granddaddy’s medicine
It was only until she was older she realized the pharmacy was an ABC
The “medicine” cheap whiskey
As the elixir slid down my great grandfathers throat it trickled into the workings of our tree
Infecting its core
Yeah my parents would always warn me
Against the dangers of alcohol
Don’t drink the punch at parties
Don’t be like your uncles
Don’t end up like your aunts
But what they failed to tell me was depression runs through our veins too
They taught me how to ward off being a drunkard
But never told me to stay away from the dark spaces in my mind
They never taught me what to do about the numbness
And in my house people are more ashamed
Of going to therapy than alcoholics anonymous.
How do you protect yourself from something already inside you?
You see those relatives of mine
They were doctors
Preforming at home blood transfusions
Replacing the bad blood with good beer
The dark thoughts with white wine
Until the depression swimming through them was too drunk to see straight
We nurture our family tree with PBR and Prozac
Helping the roots twist and grow so they can grasp for the younger generation dangling from the lower limbs and I mean
Hey we all need something to make the feelings go away
And they say alcohol’s not the answer
But it sure as hell makes you forget the question
We all need something to forget the questions
And Like my kin I picked my poison
Because I felt it
The liquor in my veins I felt it
getting warmer
Hotter
Hot
This liquid in my veins it gets too hot.
I’m slitting my wrist to poor myself another shot
It’s not what it looks like momma
I just wanna feel that buzz and my blood is all I got
I picked my poison
I’m like my uncles
A crude copy of my aunts
I’m an addict
Just not an alcoholic