I've told you a million times I believe in your dreams-
But not in the ones that haunt you in your sleep.
Those silly premonitions you truly believe,
I swear will be the death of me.
You awoke inside me a glowing flame,
And then for my strong feelings you put me to shame.
You broke my heart over a misunderstanding.
And it leaves me wondering-
Did you ever really care for me?

There's a first time for everything.
First love-
First kiss,
First real relationship.
First time I knew you were looking right through me.
First time I doubted you,
First time I questioned the motives for the things you do.
First moment I suspected you didn't love me.
(First time you proved that theory)
First time I knew you thought I was inferior to thee.
First time you yelled at me.
First time you touched me and it wasn't lovingly.
First time you pulled away from a kiss and then wouldn't look me in the eyes.
First time I knew some of what you said would still be just lies.
First time I could see myself building a life with another person.
First time I loved freely without needing permission.
First time I thought you were different.
First time I realized you were just like the rest of them.
Remember the first time you got so afraid I was going to leave?
First time you made me cry, first of oh so many.
First time you hugged me.
First time you spoke without love or sincerity.
First time you said you missed me.
Our first, and our last, anniversary.
First time I prayed for a cardiectamy.
First time you told me I wasn't special or smart.
First time someone ever broke my heart.

I've been staring at you all day, my lonely little scar;
The first I ever made on myself,
And the deepest by far.
I made you two nights ago with tears running down my eyes.
I made you when I didn't care whether I was dead or alive.
Lonely awful cut on my thigh;
Now you've collected some friends and you add up to five.
You're my secret.
If anyone ever sees you I'll be on suicide watch, again.
I made you because I'm weak,
And I am too afraid of my own voice to even speak-
In my defense.
And I cannot alone bear all my inner demons.
I guess that's why I cut you out some friends.
See, my parents say I'm normal-
Like they don't know I'm crazy.
My old boyfriend said I'd be okay-
But he was one of the main ones to hurt me.
**** it all, I just want to be happy.
Momma says I'm lazy,
And daddy's not so worried about me,
Cuz they don't know the half of it.
I am ever just trying so hard to please them.
Why would I tell them they've got such a ****** up kid?
I watched my blood trickle down like rain,
And it took my mind off the pain.
I made my outsides match my insides.
Little slice in my skin, why do you think I made you somewhere I could hide?
Would it help anyone at all if I admit I'm not better?
Is it still a cry for help if it's just a whisper?
Or if I don't tell anyone?
They can't ever know what I've done.
So I'll write it in a poem,
So I'll never need to tell them.
And I promise it'll be one of the worst things I've ever written,
Cuz for once I don't feel this in words, just raw emotion.
Lonely little scar,
No one can know but I'm falling apart.

Why hold on?
If what little we had- is already gone?
I was told to make a list, of all of your rights and wrongs.
If you came out ahead,
We should work for what we have.
If you were still in the red,
Then our relationship was dead.
But you came out precisely even,
And I'm unsure of that meaning.
So I don't know,
Where our love is meant to go.
But I do know you want a fresh start,
And I don't know if it matters to you anymore that you leaving would break my fragile heart.
If you're just waiting for this to end please just tell me now,
And spare me the extra pain of holding on to someone who is already gone.
But just know I'd do anything to make us work,
I really don't care about your insecurities and all your little quirks.

Christianity:
Love everybody, no matter what;
If they're homosexual or even a ****,
It doesn't matter what life they lead.
Help your fellow man if he's in need,
You really needn't add to your growing greed.
Jesus said the most important thing in the world is love,
And that we should be kind to others even if they're not kind to us.
We've all sinned and we're all equal in God's eyes,
So mistakes of someone's past are no excuse for us to despise.
We know we are all children of The Lord,
So we should love every last person in this world.

Bigotry**:
If they're different, they're evil.
If it scares me, it's from the devil.
If I feel uncomfortable about something done by my fellow men,
Then surely it must be a sin.
Always judge, always be intolerant.
I think I'm moral, but I'm just ignorant.

Sharing headphones, secrets, and dreams. It's one of my favorite memories. Remember when we told each other everything? Every thought late at night, all the sounds beneath the bed that gave us a fright. I thought I'd always have you till the end. More than sister, you were my best friend.

Whispers beneath blankets in the back seat. That those days are gone I still cannot believe. You understood her hatred, we were each others' saviors. But now my favorite person is just a distant stranger, and that kills me. I lost you gradually, you faded till you were gone. And all of sudden, I realized I was all alone.

You just didn't come back one day, it was as simple as that to leave. I know why you did it but I hope you still miss me. Cuz I miss you, I always do. When I hear the songs you got me into, when I'm alone and I just wanna be near you. Oh. Why'd you have to go? And leave me all alone.

I hate, oh I hate, that its awkward now between us. She's driven us both away with the petty things she does- but she still pulled us away from each other. Thanks for that, mother. Oh, my sister, my old best friend, I beg of you, come back again. Cuz I need you so. Oh why'd you go? And why'd I do the same? Just about three years later and neither of us is to blame.

Our silent understanding, we could tell what the other was thinking, without even speaking. One look, and we knew. If I had one wish, I'd wish I never lost you. I knew every time you left you'd be back soon, you'd never leave me alone.

Until one day, few months, a couple years, you didn't come home. I was in denial, soon you'd be back, then you'd laugh at me for doubting and give me your brightest smile. Silly child. It was for more than just a little while.

I hate, you should know I hate, that its awkward now between us. She's pushed us away with hate but she still pulled us away from each other. Thanks so much for that, mother. Oh, my sister, my old best friend, I beg of you, come back again. Cuz I, I need you so. Oh why'd you have to go?