ideas,
rambling about,
a story, a play,
a novel, an essay,
rants and poems alike,
climbing over each other,
an eternal game of
"King of the Mountain"
for which one gets worked on next,
while the others sleep
in separate bedrooms of
this house that has no doors.
nothing escapes,
but lives here forever,
within the walls of a cluttered mind,
a hoarder's paradise of thoughts and expressions,
just waiting to be emptied,
let loose,
explode upon an unsuspecting world
that may or may not be ready for it.

Don’t pick the flowers child they’ll die*
Said my grandmother
And I listened

She promised that if I left them
Untouched
They’d grow and bloom with care

But she never told me that
People are like flowers

And when I picked you
All your petals fell

We are never the same person twice.
"Now" ends as soon as the word is uttered;
whoever we are in one breath
flickers and fades in the next
until it is a thing of the past,
a guttering candle.

We are never the same person twice.
I promised myself I'd never fall for a smoker.
You promised yourself you'd never smoke.
And we swore to each other we were not promise-breakers.
So tell me,
when I first saw you with
the ****** thing
between your fingers,
why did I so badly crave
the taste of nicotine
as long as it meant
your lips against mine?
And why was I willing to risk
entering your carcinogen-filled haze
just to be near enough
to hold your hand?

You turned me against my own self,
yet I could not bring myself to hate you.
You could not bring yourself to love me,
though I've given you all the reasons to.

We are never the same person twice.
Yet we are not always so volatile.
I constantly find myself on my knees.
I am constantly digging through our ashes,
Searching for embers that must still be there.
I constantly find you towering above me.
You are constantly pacing around in your drenched shoes,
Blindly extinguishing everything we could ignite
With your saltwater tears I know will never be for me.

We are never the same person twice.
I await the morning this actually feels true.
The morning I wake up a version of me
That is no longer in love with every version of you.

Did you consider the consequences when you left? When you decided your new life was more important,
Did it ever occur to you what it would do to me?
Or was I already a nuisance?
Sometimes I wish you would have left me in that ditch,
I wish you would have left me to my own demise.
But you carried me out,
Then left me alone.
You should have let me die...

You once asked me if a monster could be loved.
I said it depended on the monster.
I knew what you were really asking though.
You wanted to know if you could be happy without always looking over your shoulder.
But I didn't have the answer.
I didn't believe you were a monster.
But you always did have to be right, didn't you?
You had to prove me wrong when I said you were a good person.
So you destroyed our friendship.
No chance of reconciliation.
You become the monster you didn't want to be.
I don't know why.
I know that I don't want to help you anymore,
But you already know that.
You made sure of it.