Your love is *****
Your body is cheap
Your disease is the sickness that i desperately need
I cannot be free
I cannot be well
I want to die with you at the bottom of this hell
I dont need your fears
I dont need your ire
I need to feel from the inside your greatest desires
Enslave and enrage me
Confuse and conflate me
Keep upping the pace of this maddening race
Id do anything if it meant that youd save me a place

This is what animates me
The force to set the motion of my soul
Gears that grind, thoughts that whir, the sustenance of something holy.
I do not think I sprang from Adam’s Rib
I think I must have been struck into the ground like a stone
A thread of lightning from the leaden sky,
And the mechanics that rose after
Demanded fuel, demanded heat
And thus was born in the cooling core of me
This mad desire, this stumbling, ceaseless search
For words to light a fire in my head
For eyes to light a fire in my bones
For some weapon of beauty
Some flaming sword
A tool- nothing more-
To sift among the dust and grit of time
To stoke the embers and evoke a spark
Prodding, prospecting
As for gold
Searching for a remnant which still burns
Softly, feeble, buried but unquenched

I chase the fire
For it must always be:
It cannot die
But cannot be held
It is escaped and never captured,
Only felt and lost, an infinite second-
A running step to overtake itself.

She's got me involved and needing
One more kiss and I'll be just fine
Let me follow your perfect leading
Wait who's that , I thought you were mine ?
Who cares let's jump the question
The answer spawned from conversation

It's just like a dream I've seen before
You held him again and i wondered why
Everything I did just seemed like a bore
You looked right past and left me to die
I ran after and screamed out your name
How can you say that we're not the same ?

As you held me down and bruised my skin
Tore me apart with a comb in my hair
Watched me shake as it began to thin
Scared of the truth - how about a dare ?
Too dumb to talk - what should I do ?
I think I'm a mute - how about you ?

Let's get off on our minimal trauma
Lame post-dramatic sorrow competitions
Let's dance another dance with Karma
Turn our happiness into contradiction
I'll jot it down and read you a story
Paint out a picture - exist in a memory

this is a poem for the night
and for the dawning
of the darker dream
where we’ll go watching
waiting for a sign
that we might be free
of ourselves
in laughter
in a moment
in response I can’t tell
if it’s serious
are you serious?
am I serious?
are they serious?
on the other side
where everything is made
of eyeballs math and color
are they serious in the capital
or more serious with lights off
when the mask of form is stolen
and then free to create
are we free in dreams
or do you dig the weird collapse
of the winking eye
to reach a point of limitless cohesion
in a black cup
do we take the leap
of faith to sleep
a second longer
knowing that our dream
is the more real &
the nightmare is an image
of inverted faith
decaying in a flash of
meteoric sparks burning
up the sky to light
this new joint in the atmosphere of
the living room
dropping LSD in
VR
to paint a picture
with mental pixels
or build your inner fire
or net an alien
or get in bed w/ grandma
& her bronzed boots
behind us where an open window
calls the night in cool
cascades of secret drunken knowledge
or else obnoxious wisdom
with apology
when we’re closer to
that which knows no logic
moves in shadow backwards
up the wall
to find us
when the sun shreds all
we thought we knew

gravity acting on the sun
gravity in all directions
every person whose smile
is that of a seraph
sometimes thinking
maybe someone else
maybe the only
straight one
in five billion years
we will all still be here
no bigger than ourselves
not incredible
not violent
not becoming

I could build a fortress
out of time

Midnight
criminal metabolism of guilt forest
Rattlesnakes whistles castanets

Remove me from this hall of mirrors
This filthy glass

Are you her
Do you look like that
How could you be when
no one ever could
~~~

Poet of the call-girl storm

She left a note on the bedroom door.
“If I’m out, bring me to.”
~~~

I dropped by to see you
late last night
But you were out
like a light
Your head was on the floor
& rats played pool w/your eyes

Death is a good disguise
for late at night

Wrapping all games in its calm garden

But what happens
when the guests return
& all unmask
& you are asked
to leave
for want of a smile

I’ll still take you then
But I’m your friend

Kali, make me an implement of your final cruelty and wisdom
Where there is motion, let me slow the vibration
So that your senses might attune to stillness
So that you might destroy my innocence and abolish my existence
May Kali Yuga swallow every form
May the myriad wonders go rushing, gushing thru your fangs
May the birth pangs of tomorrow chase the fortune of today
May the endless hours be abolished in calamity
Teach us to acknowledge the concrescence of our essence
Show us finality of form
Destroy the walls of every home—for we have willed it
Forever in a vacuum
May there be no sound of seasons
May every reason fall to chaos
You have made us in your image
Teach us to recognize
Where there is form, void;
Where there is truth, deception;
Where there is certainty, a cosmic pun;
Where there is reality, hallucination;
Where there is touch, neglect;
Where there is growth, a garden full of ashes;
You of many names: Anima, The Serpent Mother, Blessed Other,
Mind of Nature, Mind of Man, She Who Can, She Who Is, Spider Woman, Tao
Bring us to the edge of the unspeakable now
Disrupt our petty play
Absolve us from decay

Amazing how we’ve come so far
And are still so far apart
Everything is natural
I tell myself
But then
What makes us so strange?
Something here is strange
We seek to make it known
Like a deadbeat injuring himself
On the job
In Tennessee
Subject to
Endless repetition
In the marble quarries
Of old Athens
We copy what is known
Expecting praise
While cities of the night
Reveal an ancient face
The body is the portal
The world is but a riddle
On the stone cells of
A tomb
Golden wax
Breeds life
From the base of a great tree
Where an old woman
Sings in praise of Kali Yuga
Calls the pasture to her hand
And all the humming things
Come forward
Blind & obedient
Like unpolished flesh
The drapery billows w/
No motion
Sends the eyeballs off
In search of internal shadows
Where the Other waits
Where it always has
Where it will be confronted
Where it will be embraced
Where it will be known
Or die to our division
& cover up our genitals forever