Doors slamming
And people yelling
Are two sounds that I
Prefer not to hear
Dark water
And boats
Make me feel
Afraid
Fire works
Pop Pop Pop
I ******* hate fireworks
They're stupid
And loud
And bring up bad memories
And on fourth of july
I hear those fire works
Coming from every direction
I sink deeper into myself
But out of my body
Away from everyone and myself
Forget forget forget
Then I feel selfish for wanting to forget
None of my friends understand what these things do to me
I'm sorry for not going to the beach at night
Or wanting to sneak into abandoned buildings
I'm sorry for crying when we went off-roading in your jeep
I'm sorry all I want to do is sit in my bed
And watch movies to distract myself from the
disturbing thoughts in my head

i could sit in awe of you for ages
but that is not what you want

I do not wish to be scarred, thickened, hardened
I do not wish to become knarled
I want, and I only want
to stay tender and soft
energetic
and naïve
my whole life.

I fall in love like the leaves from the trees:
every autumn;
I have to be scraped off the ground yearly
for I have lost all sense of direction
collapsed, dead
can be molded by anyone who stops by
unsettled by children
and, amid all of it,
it is frighteningly beautiful
and wondrous
as the wind takes me once again.

I am ready for my heart to be washed clean
I am done being wounded by myself and those around me
it's time to put it in the hands of those who will hold it tenderly
not my parents- they cut me and make sarcastic and mean remarks
not my friends- they value themselves over me
not strangers- they don't smile
It's time
it's time for everything I am to be
carefully bandaged and swaddled
and ****** until it is new
it is time for my heart to stop bleeding and scarring
it's time to go to camp.

people who use their religion to work 'miracles'
on the bodies
and end up dying
do not understand the reason why we have science.
science is for the body, the world, building and medicating
religion should not be applied to any of those things
religion is the medication of the mind and heart
it is the cure for the soul,
the formula for mental stability
the chemical balance of self-control
it is not a treatment for cancer, polio, or ***
it is a treatment for sadness, hatred, and confusion
both religion and science are:
correct when used correctly
lethal when used inappropriately
violent when misconstrued.
science can damage the soul like nothing else
and religion can destroy the body
they are both useful and good in their own right,
but terribly, terribly dangerous
and should be treated as such.

children
are a flame that is already kindled
and you must be careful not to extinguish it
for they will hold the water you poured all over their souls
deep inside them
forever.
children
are carpenters
engineers
painters
and when you build for them
build them a platform for them to explore from
not a box for them to fill.
children
are galaxies,
spinning, beautiful, incredibly deep
they are flowers, with tender pistils
and incredibly fertile stamen
they are grass that will not strangle eah other
until you stomp on them
they are clouds that move frailly,
bound by the wind and bearing but one load of rain
they are wells: the deeper you dig, the more you find,
the farther the bottom goes,
they are dancers: turn off the music for just a second, and the mood is ruined
they are all these things
but above all,
they are children,
and they should be guarded
and held as tenderly
as our own hearts-
even more so, for I am careless with my heart-
I will guard the children like I guard my mind,
lay down my life and pick up my armor
anything, everything,
for these, the most beautiful and perfect of us all.

They say they understand
But they don't
Emotions built up inside me
Like an overflowing cup
Things falling out,
But
Things left inside