If you see me lying in the street, with a bottle of whiskey at my feet
And you hear me mumbling under my breathe
It is because my pants are wet.
I had a case of the runs, and you know that is no fun.
It is such a disgrace when you are covered from feet to waist.
Therefore, I will lay here on the ground until by the police I am found.
It is easier to say it happened when I was drunk
Rather than hear all their junk.
When I got home, I was surprised to see that there was a bath waiting for me.
I took off my clothes and into the garbage it went
As I sprayed it with “HEAVEN SENT “.
I climbed into the water and let out a scream – there was
Something burning in between.
My wife came running in when she heard my cry.
Then I heard her say to my surprise
OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY SOUL, I NEVER SAW A ****
WITH A RED A—HOLE.
(Ha ha – we need comedy in our lives)

The missus bought a Paperback
  ...at Val Village, Saturday,
  I had a look inside her bag;
  ....T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

  Well I just left her to it,
  And at ten I went to bed.
  An hour later she appeared;
  The sight filled me with dread…..

  In her left she held a rope;
  And in her right a whip!
  She threw them down upon the floor,
  And then began to strip.

  Well fifty years or so ago;
  I might have had a peek;
  But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
  She's eighty four next week!!

  Watching Mabel bump and grind;
  Could not have been much grimmer.
  And things then went from bad to worse;
  She toppled off her Zimmer!

  She struggled back upon her feet;
  A couple minutes later;
  She put her teeth back in and said
  .....I am the dominater !!

  Now if you knew our Mabel,
  You'd see just why I spluttered,
  I'd spent two months in traction
  For the last complaint I'd uttered.

  She stood there **** and naked
  Bent forward just a bit
  I went to hold her, sensual like
  and stood on her left ***!

  Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
  My god what had I done!?
  She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
  "Step on the other one"!!

  Well readers, I can't tell no more;
  About what occurred that day.
  Suffice to say my jet black hair,
  Turned fifty shades of Grey.

It was a shoebox of poems written over the years
Of joyous moments, heart aches and tears
The fond memories of her life, of being a mother and a wife.
Poems of her child bearing years, and all the joys that she shared.
A poem of the moment that she had dread
Of the day that she wed.
With butterflies in her stomach and tears in her eyes
And being strong so she would not cry.
Poems of when her children reached school age
And each year was a different phase.
Poems of family times, vacation times
And even of the nursery rhymes.
Waiting till the time was right, and to have
Quality time with her husband at night.
Her entire life was in a shoebox of poetry
Left to read by you and me.

She is as fine as vintage wine and as sweet as a Georgia peach
She was picked at the moment of perfection under the
Watchful eye and Gods direction.
Then she was sent here to earth, given to me by natural birth.

He said:  this is my gift to you –she will be with you your whole life through
She is more precious than diamonds and gold
And your love for her will never grow old and will not tarnish or fade
For her heart is like a jade, and it will show her beauty day by day.
She is my daughter and I sent her to you, because you know
Exactly what to do and you will raise her and give her the teachings
That she needs= for in you I also planted a seed.

Just like I – she is a giver of life and she will make any sacrifice
She is the water of the earth and to life she gives birth.

I just posted my first lyrics on utube at the link shown below
and I need as many people as possible to check it out and let me know what you think of my country song.


http://youtu.be/G1JPoA3589Q

He was sent to us from our father on high
To spill his blood for you and I.
MARY was chosen as the only one
To carry his begotten son.
Then he revealed to MARY and JOSEPH his intent
That this child would be heaven sent.
GOD’s angels spoke to each one
And told them what would be done.
From the moment that he was conceived
GOD’s steps he would achieve.
He started preaching at a very young age
The synagogues were his stage.
The rabbi s all stood in awe, as his words
Echoed throughout the floor.
A rabbi asked: how can he know as much as us, unless
In him the lord put his trust?
The road was paved as to what steps he would take
And the trials that he would pass, from the first to the last.
His miraculous feats became renowned
As the word spread from town to town.
From the blind to see, the deaf to hear
The mute to talk, and his walking on water
Changing water to wine – all of these were miracles divine.
The biggest miracle is yet to come
When GOD again will send down his son.
Nations will collapse and evil will fall
As the good will conquer all.

a patch of blue sky was all that was left
as the rainclouds hid the rest.
thunder and lightning all around, and nothing
could be heard except that sound.
there wasn't any more birds flying around
they were all on the ground.
they were in every tree and every bush
and every other place that you looked.
sharing the homes of squirrels, raccoons, possums too
afraid of what the storm would do.
all of GODS creatures know where to hide
they have that instinct deep inside.
not even one can be found, of the creatures
that live below the ground.
even the water creatures know where to go
as they hide deep below.
that patch of blue is a light of hope for all
of GODS creatures who have hid away, to let them
know of a brand new day.
so to all that are going thru a storm and can not
find the way, put your faith in GOD as his animals do
and you will see the patch of blue that was meant
just for you.

louis rams