Emily

Emily Nov 2015

i have a hope that we can make it through
i am trying to decide why i would ever mistreat you

i am sorry for the way that i've acted
for always being confused and distracted

i can't undo the mistakes i have made
i just don't want this love to fade

it scares me to think of a life without the one
that would be like the earth and no sun

i feel things for you that i don't quite understand
i feel like i know you like the back of my hand

but at the same time i don't
i've never known you and probably won't

it's saddening to think we live so far apart
we deserve so much more for the longing in our heart

living my life day by day, doing the same
i just want to wake up with you and feel no shame

i don't want to be embarrassed that my love is for you
everyone makes me feel like it's wrong to do

maybe nobody will ever see what i see
but at least your love makes me feel free

i feel myself, i am not ashamed
with you, the person i was meant to be, i became

thank you for giving me myself
thank you for your love, and yourself

i have a hope that we can make it through
i have a feeling i will always love you

Emily Nov 2015

hold my hand

it's not an unfamiliar touch
but it makes my body tingle
when the slightest brush of your finger
graces the top of my hand
i get a cooling sensation down my back
a smile wide across my face
and butterflies dancing in my stomach

your smile is worthy of a prize
it stems right from the lightness of your eyes
i think it stands out as more than precious
something rare
not often come by
the warmth of your smile
along with the specialness of your touch
is all part of the drawing factor
that brings me closer to you

i want to know you differently now
i want to know you better
i want to be an adult with you
i want to explore all that is your mind
and all that is your body
i want you to explore me just as equally

i love when you look at me
deep into my soul
i wish that i were around you all the time
never having a moment so dull
hold my hand
and tell me you love me
call me baby
tell me our deep thoughts
take me out for talks and long walks
play my favorite movie
and sing my favorite song

i want all that is special in your mind
just please hold my hand
that will be infinitely enough from you

to my special someone that i love so much.

Emily Nov 2015

this is true

you are beautiful,
gracious,
and kind
there is nothing
that i would change
you gave me peace
you gave me security
you made me happy when i was at my worst
you gave me purpose
made me feel beautiful
made me feel wanted
and adored
it's not that i don't love you
because i love you very much
from afar
but my heart doesn't want to continue
it is tired of the struggle
it is tired of trying to find all the right
in the midst of all this wrong
i am dragging you down
deep into my confusion
into my loneliness
into my dissatisfaction
you deserve so much better
than what i am offering you
i can't continue to short change you
i am not made for you
not right now
you are my soul mate
you are my first
you always will be
i will never stop loving you
never cease to pray for you
you are the highest of the high
and the most beautiful person i have ever known
don't you ever think for a second that it is a lie
because this is the truth
i love you
i will always be here for you
i know you will be happy in this life
because God knows how much you deserve it
and He will make sure that you get it

break ups are difficult and anything but ideal, but sometimes they are necessary.

#heartbreak #up #break #girlfriend #ups

Emily Oct 2015

rain

something about the rain
the gloom and doom sensation
yet it feels like relief
all your emotions and sorrows
pouring out and coming down
banging ******* the driveway
window cracked open
the repetitive sound in your ear
nothing to do but listen and think
the rain brings long thoughts
frustrating, sad, anxious
but at the same time, freeing
parts of me are washed away
parts i wish that weren't there
a new chapter can begin after the rain
the smell, the feel, the look
out of dark clouds comes light
you take a deep breathe
cleansed

#rain

Emily Oct 2015

stomach

what are you supposed to do
when you get that feeling in your stomach
you're gonna be sick
your heart drops
no air in your lungs
your heart stops

what are you supposed to do
when you get the feeling in your stomach
the one that's terrible
the one that makes you feel like your world is crumbling
the blurry confusion
the inability to know how you feel
when your sanity turns into delusion

what are you supposed to do
when the feeling in your stomach
is caused by wanting it all to end
by wanting to give up
what are you supposed to do
when the same feeling occurs
because you are scared of it ending
you don't want to lose it

the feeling in my stomach
it makes me sick
i am so conflicted
it's like an evil trick

wishing i could shut off my mind
wishing my stomach could feel fine

Emily Sep 2015

back in time

Sometimes you wish you could just go back
Take away all the pain you caused
What you did
And what you said
The mistakes you've made
And the person you became
Sometimes you don't see what's in front of you
You don't realize the importance
Then it's all gone
As if you just flinched
Your life passes before your eyes
But you're not on the brink of dying
You're on the brink of life
You're now aware of how you have nothing
You let it go to waste
All because you were just bluffing
You were fake and you were mean
You ruined people's lives
You acted obscene
You deserve to be lonely
Deserve to have nobody
What goes around
Comes around
And you can't take it back
You can't go back in time

How I feel about myself

Emily Sep 2015

F U

I hate you for destroying everything I had
I hate you for always holding me back
I hate you for the times when you'd mess with my head
I hate you for all the damage that you did
I hate how you watched as I wasted away my life
I hate how everything you ever said was a lie
I hate how even today, the affect of you still remains
I hate how for all my problems, you're the one to blame
I hate the stolen hours, days, weeks
I hate how you turned me into a freak
I will never forgive you for what you did
Not just to me but even to little kids
I hate you