oh see,
i will take this outlet
[this two pronged outlet
one of you and one of me]
to reply because
i picked up the phone today
and called someone else
thinking
"oh hell i'll warm up a bit
before i dive into this-
i mean, i want to get
my personality right
don't i?
I MEAN DON'T I?!?!?!?
WHO THE HELL AM I ANYMORE?!?!?!?!"
panic set in.
i called my dad.
he's always calming.
we talked about christmas ****.
what he wants. what mom wants.
it calmed me down.
i figured out who i am:
i'm just a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude,
not breaking character til we're done the DVD commentary.
[paraphrased of course cuz I don't plagiarize.]

i'll call you
but how late will you be awake?
i'll call you
but what are you doing right now?
i'll call you
but why am i nervous?
i'll call you
but aren't we all one Being?
i'll call you
but but but but but but burt but but but but but but but but but
don't you have home work
or something better to do
than listen to me preach
and flap flap flap flap
and not hug me again
and not listen to me
or are you listening to me
or am i neurotic
or is it all smoke and mirrors
and seriously i'm coughing uncontrollably
and you'd think i'm crazy
but it's that holiday season
and for the next handful of weeks
i've got a handful of excuses
of why and how and what and how
but burdens only stack up
and i've released literally every single one
except i'm still replaying josh ritter in my head
and the car ride home from that purple chair
and the walk around the duck.

[not stopping for breathing
or trimming my toe nails,
which started growing again.]

and LA and Delaware and pencilwania and where we met on that pier at that show in socal and house of blues and mini golf and lists and names and places and "there's no hell when you die, so don't look so worried."

and i'll call you
but will you answer?

You looked at me, with those gentle
eyes,
On the balcony of that cold starry
night.
The hours ticked away, filled with our
laughs.
We hoped for longer but you had to go
back.
Ever since then we've talked, but who
knew,
That even though apart, the closer we
grew.
Your beautiful words of love fuel my
smiles,
And they make this long wait totally
worthwhile.
These 350 miles won't stand in our
way,
For I continue to love you, every single
day.

.
we were meant to be soldiers in a dark army,
we were meant to write poetry and get lost in sad melodies,
we were meant to start contraversy, you and me. we were
meant to be wild and free you see.

we were meant to think,       when other minds go blank.
we were meant to have strong opinions and beautiful visions.
we were meant to be empathetic, crazy, chaotic, and poetic.
and maybe they dont understand you,
but wherever you may roam, just know that you are beautiful,
and you are not alone.