I’m drowning and nobody can hear
I’m suffocating but nobody sees
I’m slowly dying
But not a soul is there to witness it
I’m alone
In a room full of people
My heart is shattered and strained
From loving too much
Love without reciprocation
They see me but they don’t see who I am
What I feel
I spent every wish and piece of luck
Wishing they wouldn’t leave me
Even though I’m drowning
And they’re not there to pull me out

I only drown us more
When I reach for your light
Pull each other down deeper
Into the eternal night

I packed up my life
Uprooting all I had known
Loss like a knife
On a plane all alone

Only luggage I had
Harsh words in my mind
Not lovely, but sad
Unlike most words I find

They say time will heal
I’m not sure it will
I left, but I feel
I carry it still

Christmas used to be cookies,
Left out for Santa
Christmas used to be hanging ornaments,
Collected over the years
Christmas used to be waking up early,
Trying to catch Santa in the act
Christmas used to be real trees,
Piled high with presents
Christmas used to be family,
Happiness, safety, and home
Christmas is now saving money,
To buy enough presents for everyone
Christmas is now plastic ornaments,
Because the old ones aren’t at this house
Christmas is now sleeping late,
The only break from life you get
Christmas is now carrying in the fake tree,
Leaving small gifts that mean nothing
Christmas is now disappointing,
Just faint memories, forgotten traditions
What Christmas used to be
Different now-
But we still pretend it’s the same

I had a piggy bank when I was young
Cheap, easy to break
It cracked once,
But my dad could fix it
He could always fix it
He sealed it up to look brand new
Eventually it was thrown out
It was too broken,
Couldn’t be fixed

I’m the piggy bank
So many cracks that are just sealed shut
But glue doesn’t always hold
Sometimes things creep through the cracks
I’ve been fixed,
But never enough
People only see the outside
They don’t see the breaks
Ones that have been hidden
When will I get to the point,
When I’m just not worth fixing?

I cover my tears
Masks made of too bright smiles
My eyes hold tears of sadness,
Though they see them as tears of joy
I drown my thoughts with lyrics
When they become to much to bear
I talk too freely,
laugh too loud,
Just to cover up the silence
The darkness clouds my brain,
My thoughts,
my feelings
I hide my pain with my humor,
But the jokes feel empty when I’m alone
The silence screams louder than I ever could
And I can’t say it out loud
I know they would laugh it off
Or tell me:
“That’s not you”