IF THIS MY GOODBYE
SO BE IT
IF YOU FIND THIS
JUST KNOW
I LOVE YOU
WHOLEHEARTEDLY
MY DECISION
MY LIFE
YOU COULDN'T STOP SHEIT IF YOU TRIED
PROBABLY WOULD HAVE MADE ME STAY ANOTHER DAY
AND MAYBE ANOTHER DAY AFTER THAT
BUT EVENTUALLY YOU WOULD HAVE GREW TIRED
AND EVENTUALLY I WOULD HAVE TOO
I NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER BEFORE
LOOKING FOR FLOWERS TO BLOOM
IN PLACES THAT NEEDED FIXING
OR I THOUGHT NEEDED FIXING
FOR THAT MATTER

I HATE IT HERE SOMETIMES
THIS PLACE IS NO PLACE FOR ME
BECAME SENSITIVE TO EVERY TOPIC
BECAME SCHIZ EVEN
WAITING FOR YOU TO COME HOME

HOME
BECAME FURTHER THEN I THOUGHT
I JUST KEPT SPIRALING
SENSITIVE BECAUSE SHEIT GOT REAL
AND TEARS STARTED FLOWING
EVER SINCE THAT CALL CAME
I BECAME DISTANT
THAT OUTER BODY EXPERIENCE
WAITING FOR YOU
TO GET BACK
FELT LIKE I ENTERED ANOTHER
DIMENSION
LOST
TRYING TO GET BACK
EVERY TIME I HELD YOU
I FELT THIS DISCONNECT
WITH BEING PRESENT
I CRIED THE LOUDEST
YET NO ONE HEARD ME
EVERYDAY
FELT MIXY
I TRUSTED YOU
GOT ME
KILLED
****
YOU GOT ME
I HOPE YOU FEEL ACCOMPLISHED
WHY ME
OVERPLAYED
LIKE AN UNRELEASED BEAT
YOU HAD NOTHING TO LOSE
I FELT PLANTED
IT WAS **** ME WHEN IT RAIN
OUTTA STATE
OUTTA MIND
FEELING BODIED
DRIVING THE BOAT
PRAYING IT DON'T SINK
PRAYING THIS RAIN DON'T LAST FOREVER
HOW IT SUNNY OUTSIDE
AND ALL I FEEL IS RAIN
DRIVING THE BOAT
YET IN OUTER SPACE
MIND SPEEDING
IF ONLY I SMOKE THAT
THERE WOULD BE A LOT OF SMOKE IN THE AIR
IF I LEAVE NOW
THERE AIN'T NO COMING BACK

WEIGHING EVERYTHING
BECAME TIRESOME
I BLAMED MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
TOOK A HOLD ON THAT SINGLE THOUGHT
I THOUGHT
FOR SO LONG
AFTER THAT

DISCONNECTED TO RECONNECT
DISCONNECT TO FEEL
RECONNECTED
YET YOU STILL LINGERED IN MY MIND
I AM LIVID FOR SPEEDING
MAYBE IF I SLOWED DOWN
YOU WOULD HAVE MISSED ME


WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE ME LIKE THIS
WHEN I FEEL LIKE I'M AT MY LOWEST
TOO WEAK
TO WANTING TO GET UP SOMETIMES
I RATHER JUST STAY HERE
FAKING THAT SMILE KNOWING THAT SHEIT
WEIGHING ON ME

FELL TOO MANY TIMES
TRYING TO GET YOU TO
COMPREHEND ME
IT BECAME TIRESOME
I MISS YOU LIKE VACATION
THIS THAT YOU NEED STOMACH FOR
THIS THAT YOU READY HOLD ON
TRYING TO HOLD ON MYSELF

TO FAST FORWARD
I FINALLY MADE IT HOME
BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG
HOME FEELS FOREIGN
HOME DON'T FEEL LIKE IT DID BEFORE
SO I'M ALWAYS OUTSIDE
TRYING TO STAY OUT MY CONSCIOUS

SMOKE THAT DRILL THIS
THIS CONSTANT FEELING OF NOTHING CHANGING
HOME SUPPOSE TO FEEL WARM
HOME SUPPOSE TO FEEL SAFE
WHERE HOME AT
WHEN YOU ALWAYS IN OUTER SPACE


NOT SUICIDAL
THIS AIN'T NO SUICIDAL NOTE
NOT SUICIDAL
JUST CURIOUS ON
THE KILLER ME
NOT SUICIDAL
I JUST MISS ME

ＪＪｓｂｄｋｓｎｄｋｋｄｍｘｍｊｓｈＪｕｓｔｌｅｔｍｅｄｉｅｍｍｍｋｂｈｂｘｊｄｎｘｎｂｄｊｘｂｄｎｘｎｎｘｎｘｎＩｍｓｏｔｉｒｅ­ｄｏｆｔｈｉｓｎｓｊｓ ｎｋｋｓｂｄｎｄｎｂｄｔｈｅｓｅ ｔｅａｒｓ ｗｏｎｔｓｔｏｐｊｄｊｄｎｎ ｚｎｊｓｎｎｄｕｄｎｄｋｄｋｎｆｋｄｍｓｓｎｆｎｊｄｎｄｎｎｄｂｄｂｄｂｄｎＷｈｙｔｈｅｐａｉｎｓｔｉｌｌｌｉｖｅｓｉｎ ｍｙｈｅａｒｔｊｊｘｎｘｊｘｊｄｎ ｍｙｋｄｊｄｖｊｓｎｄｊｃｊｎｄｎｄｎｃｎｘｋｘｎｋｘｎｄｋｄｋｊｄｎｓｋｘｈｊｓｈｄｊｄｄｎｄｅＩｍｓｏｆｕｃｋｉｎｇｔｉｒｅｄ­ｍｓｎｎｄｋｓｎｘｏｎｓｈｘｉｄｎｋｘｎｄｊｓｊｄｂｊｄｋｓｌｍｓｎｄｊｊｄｂｄｉｓｂｄｊｊｄｋｓｎｄｊｄｈｂｓｎｄｎｎｄｊｄｊｄ­ｎｄｎｄ


Ｙｏｕｌｌｎｅｖｅｒｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄ ｍｅ

THE DEMONS YOU CAN’T HIDE
I KNOW YOU HURTING DEEP INSIDE
I KNOW THAT FAKE SMILE
HOLDS A LOT
I COULD TELL BY YOUR EYES
YOU NEED HEALING
I COULD TELL BY YOUR MIND
EVERYTHING FOR YOU IS MISLEADING
TRYING TO PIECE PIECES ON TOP OF PIECES
WHILE MIND SPEEDING
MIND ALWAYS RACING
ONE THING TO KEEP IN MIND IS TO
ALWAYS HAVE PATIENCE
HAVING WITHDRAWALS TRYING NOT TO GO
BACKWARDS
SO YOU UP
THINKING TO YOURSELF
LET’S SEE HOW FAR I CAN GO
BEFORE I CRASH
HOPING I MAKE IT FURTHER THIS TIME
I CAN’T LOOK BACK NOW
I MADE IT SO FAR
FEELINGS IN DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS
GOING THROUGH DIFFERENT EMOTIONS
PIECES WITHIN MORE PIECES
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MESS
I CALL ART
A MASTERPIECE IN THE MAKING
WHEN I EXPRESS
I BREAK DOWN
EVERY SO OFTEN
THROUGHOUT MY NIGHTS
THROUGHOUT MY DAYS
THIS FEELING HURTS
I AM HAPPY FOR MY FUTURE ENDEAVORS
I DESERVE THIS
AND SIMULTANEOUSLY
DEEP DOWN I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN
INTERNALLY
AND AS I FOCUS
I FEEL EVERY BIT OF
EVERYTHING
I AM LIVID
I AM DISGUSTED
WITH MYSELF
FOR ALLOWING THINGS TO ALTER
LOOKING AT MY REFLECTION
AS I SPIRALED
I WENT COMPLETELY BLACK
I SUNK
I WASN’T ME
I WAS IN A DARK PLACE FOR A YEAR
FOR THE TIME I SPENT THERE
IT MADE ME STRONGER
NOW IM DEFEATING MY DEMONS
IM WARRIOR
IM BECOMING EVERYTHING I WANT TO BE
THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF
SCULPTING EVERY BIT OF ME
STARTING WITH MY MIND
THIS JOURNEY ISN’T GOING TO BE EASY
WE BOTH ARE AWARE OF IT
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT
YOU ARE IMPORTANT
YOU WEIGHT
YOU MATTER
EVEN WHEN YOU SINK
EVEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU CANT
YOU CAN
AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE
DAYS
EASIER THAN OTHERS
NIGHTS
HARDER THAN OTHERS
AND WHEN YOU FALL
FROM SUCH HEIGHTS
DON’T GIVE UP
STAY STRONG
LOVE YOURSELF
FORGIVE YOURSELF
EVERY SINGLE TIME
TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF
WHEN NEEDED
FIGHT FOR YOURSELF
LIKE YOU FIGHT FOR OTHERS
THEY NEED YOU
SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF
BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BECOME
DON’T LET THE PAST HOLD YOU BACK
OF YOUR BLESSINGS
LET GO OF ANYTHING THAT’S HINDERS YOU
THE ONLY
THAT CLOSURE YOU THINK YOU NEED IS JUST TAKING
STEPS FORWARD
AND NEVER LOOKING BACK
A DAY AT A TIME
WE GOT THIS
THROUGH TRAILS & TRIBULATIONS MADE 
FOR LESSONS LEARNED
AND SO MUCH MORE TO GAIN
❤️‍🩹

BUT THESE BUTTERFLIES CREATE FEELING
SUCH GREAT FEELING
YOUR PERSONA / AURA QUIET
BUT I BET YOUR MIND LOUD

AND
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE NOBODY'S REACHING
JUST KNOW YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
ALWAYS
I'LL COME RUNNING
I KNOW PAIN
& IT'S NOTHING NICE
DIFFERENT STORIES
MAYBE
BUT ITS ALL PAIN
NO MATTER WHICH PIECES YOU HAVE
OR MAY HAVE LOST

I WANT TO GIVE YOU ALL OF ME BECAUSE
I CAN'T DO HALF *** FEELINGS
SOMETIMES I WANT TO EXPRESS MYSELF
OTHER DAYS I DON'T WANT TO SHOW ANY EMOTIONS
KISS MY MIND GENTLY
SLOWLY

I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANY
GOOD INTENTIONS FOR MY LIFE
NO PLACE HERE FOR ANYTHING
DRAINING, STAGNANT, OR MISLEADING 
I WANT TO BE LOVED ENTIRELY
KNOWING MY FLAWS
WANTING TO BECOME A
BETTER VERSION FOR MYSELF
UNTIL I CAN'T ANY LONGER


SO MUCH TIME WASTED
ON
PEOPLE NOT REALLY KNOWING THEMSELVES
NOT KNOWING ANYTHING BUT EVERYTHING
OR FOR THAT MATTER OF SECOND GUESSING EVERYTHING
THAT FEELS RIGHT
BECAUSE IN A COLD WORLD
THAT FEELING RIGHT JUST DOESN'T SIT RIGHT WITH THEM ANY LONGER
BECAUSE WITH EVERYTHING THAT FELT RIGHT
SHIFTED LEFT

CONGRATULATIONS YOU DONE PLAYED YOURSELF


SIMULTANEOUSLY FEELING EVERYTHING
ALL AT ONCE
FROM NOT WANTING TO FEEL ANYTHING

MOST DAYS
CAN BECOME DARK FAST
NOT WANTING TO FEEL ANYTHING
JUST SO THERE'S LESS PIECES OF ME SCATTERED
A PIECE OF ME WILL FOREVER REIGN 
& I'LL FOREVER NOT EVER BE THE SAME
I ACCEPTED THAT
FEEL LIKE I WANT TO DROWN WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER
AND OTHER DAYS FEELING UNSTOPPABLE
ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE I FEEL PIECES
WITHIN PIECES THAT HELD A PIECE OF ME
TRAILS & TRIBULATIONS MADE 
FOR LESSONS LEARNED
AND SO MUCH MORE TO GAIN

Hottest Summer turned to the coldest Winter
Drinking all this liquor, it keep me burning ruining my liver
Oh I can’t sleep
Hell is loving you in my sleep and waking up alone
I met you in my dreams
Stories were untold
Told me
We were going to have better days
Oh how much I love sleep
Oh how much I can’t sleep
Can’t accept that you only exist when my eyes closed
Time ran fast when my eyes closed
Thought we were close
I would wait for you
You never showed
After that heated argument
You never showed
Now I have  no one to hold me while I sleep
Now I hate sleep
So tired I lost track of time
Time ran slow without you
Parts of me feels like I can’t do this without you
So many letters I lost track of that too
Days ahead still not over you
I want to continue dreaming
I want to Dream forevermore
& now I drown my body in caffeine
Trying not to dream
Knowing that the farther I am
The weight becomes light
And I can breathe again
Blurred vision with tears blinding me
Ever felt heavy heart
Ever felt distorted thoughts ruining you
Tearing you apart
Knowing you kept me whole
Connection bond through body & soul

The frequency rains to such tone
That only grasp meaning
Of the heartfelt person you are
So deep beyond measures
Where words piece themselves naturally
And I look at your pieces
And my pieces
And think to myself
There are so many pieces
Pieced together in such ways
Peace is longing for
Wishing I could make all the hurt go away
Wishing the times you felt alone
I could hold you until you become
A flower

I'll never forget how beautiful you are
Every time I don’t see you
I think about every detail of you
Starting from the inside