This weight on my brain is unforgiving
no matter my efforts or pleas
Something strange is in me living
with misfortune and unease
Reveling and feeding on my struggle
could be some strange disease  
In the process of reducing me to rubble
it's like a curse marching on me
But I try to find pleasure as I tread on
I battled my way over the seven seas
And the pleasure I found in pain still felt wrong
But I refuse to go out on my knees

I can't find light in the darkness
Your smile seemed so harmless
But nothing in existence could satisfy
And no kind of persistence can pacify
This battle of hearts won't be won
You and I will never be one
Your soul must have stopped being
Maybe your eyes have stopped seeing
You asked for my trust and then betrayed it
Like you were making some kind of statement
Now there's no right thing to say
This is child's play
And I am finished
Any chance once had now diminished
So so long and good riddance

This house doesn't need ghosts to scare anyone
The walls take sanity for fun
They'll hex you with whispers in tongue
Arrive with confidence - leave with none
The longer you stay, the further undone
The air stifles, it thickens and numbs
It weighs down on you like tons
Constricting every cell, it stuns
Skeletons in these closets tote guns
Heat comes at you like fire from the mouth of dragons
I mean heat like blaze of a million suns
All the while, your mind weakens and maddens
This house kills souls like it's a soul assassin
A suffering only the wicked can fathom

My brain's a victim of my heart’s beating
It’s the only way that I can reason
Being blinded by all this red I’m seeing
It must be soul hunting season
My survival instincts go crazy
My pulse quickens its erratic pace
The howling wind blows ever more strangely
However the blood falling from my face
Makes my outlook kind of hazy
I'll never see the end of this chase
Many demons now plague me

The desire I felt was all along a lie
A fool, I was naive to even try
I didn’t see past the handsome disguise  
He now sows the seeds of my demise  
Taking advantage with any chance  
Divulging my soul with every glance  
He soils whatever I know to be mine  
A ******* turmoil from the dawn of time  
Even my thoughts are thoughts I don’t make
And it feels like I’m dreaming when I am awake  
He may look like a man but he’s no human  
He turns all he encounters to ruin
He slays truths into tiny remnants of nothing  
What was is now lost-lies are more becoming

My soul's made of stone
From triumph to tragedy
A mountain has grown

This stature my own
Forever building higher
Til peaks fashion thrones

The angels have flown
To wherever, without doubt
Mountains stand alone

If ever there is a light in the distance, the moment it begins to warm me the circuit overloads and explodes in the distance.  
Just close enough for me to know something drastic has happened but far enough to be confused as to the specifics of what happened.
And I am left alone in the darkness.

Sometimes there just isn’t anything to say, anything to feel
Lines easily blur between what is fake and what is real
Some days there’s no control and actions are powerless
If progress is made in darkness reality then devours it
When will come the catalyst, when will come change
I try my hardest even though times are strange
Patiently I must wait for what’s to come – for a better life
Forever waiting and always – there’s no end in sight
I hope that, by and by, tonight will yield to the dawn
At that moment I’ll know my bearing’s never been wrong
And I’ll find myself exactly as I want to be
Peaceful yet dynamic like a wave in the sea

I can’t get loneliness off my mind
It’d feel better to rip out my spine
I fought all my battles on the frontline
Yet my victories meant nothing in time
Ever changing, like the rhythm of rhyme
Now i’m stuck dodging the land mines
All the sweat and the blood blind
Sowing and reaping, this fate divine

I want to experience freedom like borders don't exist
to experience life like time no longer persist
to live humbly and die gracefully
to accept who I am and be proud
to never cry aloud

Once you've lost love,
loving is never the same thereafter.
You'll cherish more your laughter,
you'll think differently when you see a man,
his looks will go through you like a bullet through your heart.

I want this alone feeling to go away
So I can rule the day
I curse the day
I live to say
That I was always alone
Because I know
No man will ever condone
No man will ever be mine
I will be alone
Into the end of times.

I wish I had sent you that message
I’ll never have the chance again
I thought you’d always be there
I never thought til when
No one lives forever
But how do I know when it’s time
I still feel you - see, and hear you
As distinctly as I can see the sun shines

I apologize for relying so heavily on you  
I’m sorry for the times I put on or withdrew  
I never meant to confuse or push you away
But I heard people talk-who were they  
Nobody could know what I’m worthy of  
I just wanted to feel some love  
As if a form of it actually existed  
All I get is conditional or twisted
But words, poems-they pale in comparison to pain  
And those who drown aren't troubled with rain

Red breasted robin, sing me your songs
Sing like your signing for the caged bird who longs
Many times I've listened to you up there in the tree
I don’t know you say but I couldn't disagree
You must flew here from some forgotten fable
Anytime you need an ear I’m willing and able

don't tell me what you think i already know
**** what you heard
I need you to give me your word
I need you to show respect
to forget that person you play on fb
spare me the weakass gobbledygook
i mean, I know its hard for you, havin to keep up with what you've said
tho ur perspectives never wrong..being a ******* angel and all with the heavens to dwell upon
but u still look down on me, on my mere morality to make u feel strong
oh beatified one, ur deeds maybe malicious but it's not ur fault
these things can't be helped when your the Earth's salt
and when im the godforsaken idiot who didn't highly enough exalt
your very presence, your every word
no wonder you had to talk all that ****
singing on cue like some sorta mocking bird
for production value - people love the script
a tragic comedy about how cruel it was and still is
that you had to even once suffer such a crisis
to suffer my love..all those weeks and with all depths of my heart and soul poured into my actions
ew..how'd u not die? I see  now the sight of me begs for ur lies
the agonious torture of my unworthy flesh, my blood
of my existence, my name you drug thru the mud..where soon, unsoiled, a lotus will bud
however ur seemingly 'necessary' truth manufacturing to avoid drama
was unnessacry since ur sorry *** coulda saved us both some trauma
i mean i don't know, maybe you are a divine genius
cause we're both here on earth yet somehow u found nirvana
but I think ur thinking of the light of Venus
any heaven, like hell, is what u make if it
infinity has no tolerance for hubris
the highly evolved spirits, the Athenas, Pegasus', Ramas
Jesus', Mohamads, all the angels and prophets
are without being, no space or time can hold
yet ur convinced ur entitled to b idolized in gold
and theres nothing u can say u haven't already heard told
you know everything except for your own soul
which reflects badly on ur momma
Cause that ***** birthed your *******..como te llama?
te llamo un ****, just another ***, no ******* Romeos
so form now on I call you mi amigo perdido
cause if you ever come round my way again
ima squash you like I do a ***** **** blood ******* mosquito.

I thought about doing something today
Anything after this is just a delay
I dont want to exist
I dont know how to resist
Why do my thoughts burden me with this
Why cant I be hit by a bus, shot, struck by lightening etc
When it comes to ways of dying, there are a plethora
But I must wait for all this to play out
Been waiting a long time to live with no doubts
Why should innocent people die if I wanna be the one
Stop killing kids, i'd gladly take a stray bullet from a gun  
But I know that day won't ever come
Because I will live forever alone loved by none

Time is all I have and all I do is waste it
I'm stepping on minutes like pavement
For me, there’s no living in the moment
I can’t turn time into a quotient
Because every second is the same
It's like I was here before I came
There is no such thing as death
Even when I take my last breath
I will forever live on
In blood, words, and photons

Parables learned the hard way can be haunting
In a life lived solitary lonely and wanting
But this is what I get for trying to trap a star
An emotional scar, smothering radiance mars
The balance of things was too upset
And the other stargazers couldn't forget
The pressure quickly became unstable
It’s like I was searching for truth in a fable
You may think you know who a person is
But blinding is the star that's burdened like this
It's bound to become an illusion of what you wish it could be
When you do good you should throw it in the sea
Don't drink poison to quench a thirst
In morals the sad man must become well versed

I move unsatisfied
I rest with pain
My heart will never be whole
My soul will never be free
I live in tragedy
Every second agonizes me
And I don’t know how to change it
Or if I even can
God grant me serenity

you can't touch the things that matter most
anything we physically grasp is meaningless
because love and family is all
no higher, more precious asset exists
yet we neglect all that can truly be ours
for futile claims of something that never was

It's always been a lie
I was naive to even try
He's a beast in disguise
Sowing seeds of my demise
He can peer into my soul with a glance
And he takes advantage of every chance
He may be a man but he's no human
He walks like a king walkin over ruins
Everything is his that was once mine
God willing, all we have is time
There are no moves I can make
I think I am dreaming when I am awake
Everything that once was means nothing
When lies are more becoming

thank you god for this blunt
and for making me fend for my own
praise the prophets for the hunt
and all that they wrote in stone
I'm grateful to bear the brunt
of the pains and things unknown
thanks be to the universe-I live in want
and we all reap what we've sewn
I thank existence and face blunts
cause i never burn alone

There is no moment that is mine.
  
God willing, all I have is time.
  
There are no moves for me to make.
  
I think I am dreaming when I am awake.
  
Everything I am means nothing.
  
Lies are more becoming.

tryin to keep my thoughts straight
tryin to remember whats true
but why all this hate
why so much anger poured into
all our words and the screaming
beyond tears, sweat, and blood
lies the things that are seeming
to have sunk down in the mud
in the filth with dirt on my knees
this stain wont wash away
this hunger wont be appease
I can do you like you did me, but better
regardless of what you believe
cause pain has become my pleasure
and i'm no tease

thank god for this spring
I thought the cold had laid claim
to everything seasons bring
to who it is i became..
when I look back on things
what i see isn't the same
as I remember it seeming then
back when you knew my first name
that which you'll never know again
thank god the sun finally came
now-i only speak of you with amens
cause i wont let my sun shine in vain
down on ghosts and deadmen
who speak without having brains
and never know when
to take a break from the games
this truth feels like rays on my skin
so enjoy assigning blame
and talkin that same **** you've been
cause i'm on a whole nother plane
that you can't even see or comprehend
just know the truth will never change
no matter how hard you pretend