Confusion festers deep in my brain
In this drought I’m the last drop of rain
Never to be the same, I am lost
Wondering through this bleak terrain
Soon to be denatured by a single parched grain

I hear lies in the words you say    
Your mouth molds truth like clay    
I feel distance in the love you display    
You must have slept with Emily today    
    
You took it further than I thought you could    
And then lied, like I knew you would    
Don't try to act like I misunderstood
You cut thru me like an axe thru wood  
    
Now I know the truth and must relay  
My hatred I cannot convey    
Your deceit will come back to you one day  
I hope on your soul it does weigh

I met a man one cold winter day
Who spoke to me in an unfamiliar way
He was so humble that I grew hopeful
I was just waiting on this man to make it vocal
But when he did, what I heard didn't convey
Any similarity to what I thought he would say
And I kept hoping and my hopes began to weigh
As reality soon then on my dreams would prey
Leaving me nightmares known as the dawning day
When everything in me needed him to stay
When I longed and yearned for us
Our love was only ever able to portray
A life lesson that was learned for us
About the depths and the many shades of gray
About perspective and about trust
Teachings of a hell we're destined to pay
And of a pain I cannot physically convey
Words, symbols, they leave undefined
The reasons why I can't get this man off my mind
Why i’m anxious and worried all of the time
My nightmares and reality are now intertwined
Yet i'd give any and everything to hit us with a restart
Even tho he played me as if playing a game of darts
I'll paint a bullseye on my chest for aim, for game, and art
I'd rather feel his grip piercing my heart
Then let what little remains left to fall apart

I’m in love with the 12th of May
A love I cannot completely convey
I wish that I could always say
The sun is shining as it shines that day
The birds and the flowers both betray
The warmth of an unseasonal ray
If only poetry could portray
The brilliance seen at the break of day
I count the seconds til underway
And I hope and I pray
To live forever like it's the 12th of May

Michael I need you now
I need someone to talk to
and there's nobody else but you
who else could possibly know what to say
why did you have to die that day
cause I can never not love you
you're what I imagine a man should be
something like a soulmate to me
God why, we were so young
I can't believe these words on my tongue
this lack of control is a nightmare I cannot accept
**** having to have the inalienable regrets
why can't we go back to january
don't know how itll happen but you have to be there with me

you can't touch the things that matter most
anything we physically grasp is meaningless
because love and family is all
no higher, more precious asset exists
yet we neglect all that can truly be ours
for futile claims of something that never was

Once you've lost love,
loving is never the same thereafter.
You'll cherish more your laughter,
you'll think differently when you see a man,
his looks will go through you like a bullet through your heart.

I want this alone feeling to go away
So I can rule the day
I curse the day
I live to say
That I was always alone
Because I know
No man will ever condone
No man will ever be mine
I will be alone
Into the end of times.

If ever there is a light in the distance, the moment it begins to warm me the circuit overloads and explodes in the distance.  
Just close enough for me to know something drastic has happened but far enough to be confused as to the specifics of what happened.
And I am left alone in the darkness.

I want a metal detector,  
I need to dig things up.  
There's so much in the dirt,  
and I can't get enough.  
  
All that was left behind,  
has since been immersed.  
Forgotten graves deepen,
in time's cyclic curse.  
  
Anywhere I step,  
others stepped before.  
For lifetimes upon lifetimes,  
in times of peace and times of war.  
  
I regularly find remnants,  
memories from days lost.
Folks before me must of known,  
i'd get to them at any cost  
  
From old poems to ancient hills,
down to the thick West Virginian clay.  
Fragments of my forefathers exist,  
to learn from them all I pray.

I can't find light in the darkness
Your smile seemed so harmless
But nothing in existence could satisfy
And no kind of persistence can pacify
This battle of hearts won't be won
You and I will never be one
Your soul must have stopped being
Maybe your eyes have stopped seeing
You asked for my trust and then betrayed it
Like you were making some kind of statement
Now there's no right thing to say
This is child's play
And I am finished
Any chance once had now diminished
So so long and good riddance

i dont remember the day i began despising my existence  
i do know i showed little resistance  
bidding adieu to the remnants of my innocence  
knowing my farewell wasn't a coincidence  
  
cause i want to feel a bullet make its way to my brain  
i want my limbs to blacken, lying broken, in freezing snowy-rain  
i just want the pleasure of peace after pain  
i need no funeral or name  
  
let my weary body rot it the spot it was lain  
cause all in all, it's all the same  
people may drown or burst into flames  
yet everyone leaves just like they came  
  
when my head hangs high up some sweetgum tree  
and my body dangles lifelessly-then ill be free  
so please let be whatever's left of me  
as my blood will water the sweetgum seeds

A drought rules with free reign    
Even over the most fertile plain  
All is sacrificed to the terrain  
Any clarity you cannot obtain  
Resources you cannot sustain  
The desert wont be influenced to change  
Your yearning will be shared with your pain  
Days take from you what little remains  
Each grain of sand needs the sky to rain  
If it doesnt the Earth will not refrain  
From saturating herself with the blood in your veins

tryin to keep my thoughts straight
tryin to remember whats true
but why all this hate
why so much anger poured into
all our words and the screaming
beyond tears, sweat, and blood
lies the things that are seeming
to have sunk down in the mud
in the filth with dirt on my knees
this stain wont wash away
this hunger wont be appease
I can do you like you did me, but better
regardless of what you believe
cause pain has become my pleasure
and i'm no tease

time usually heals faster than this
I must be stuck in some sort of time lapse
in an alternate dimension like abyss
my realitys been about to collapse
but none of it feels real to me
cause where can I go if I can't go back
and all i know is an illusion, a dream,
a black sky-what I discouragingly lack
is myself and all its esteem
my having fell victim to a strange hijack  
I go through the motions like a machine  
you see me functioning but im under attack
I need some fuel, some gasoline
or whatever will help me stay on track
cause I can only get so far on moon beams
and I care about progress, not you, not syntax
just the nightmares and the screams
that continue to haunt and entrap
my existence with their extremes
I need to hurry before I end up a maniac
tho I am kinda programmed for this routine
if someone would just get a ***** a map
i'd be gone and life less obscene
instead i get variations of prozac
with my misfortune..but i’ve seen
glimpses of my destiny and now I know that
the pulse of my heart, of my bloodstream
will guide me to the end of my suffering

How can she be gone when I still feel her embrace
The warmth of her touch, I see the looks on her face
These comforts time will soon take
And leave the thoughts that keep me awake
Cause I can never forget how I failed so completely
And the ways she suffered so deeply
I could have gone to see her but I missed my last chance
I should have been there, I knew well in advance
She was there for me, anytime i needed her
She was delighted even when I barely greeted her
I feel a strange sadness tearing apart my core
These feelings i've never know before
Something inside me has yet to ensue
I feel like I can still call her and get thru
Like she'll be there waiting on my cue
But I can't, she won't be there for me whenever
Grandma's gone forever

Red breasted robin, sing me your songs
Sing like your signing for the caged bird who longs
Many times I've listened to you up there in the tree
I don’t know you say but I couldn't disagree
You must flew here from some forgotten fable
Anytime you need an ear I’m willing and able

I thought about doing something today
Anything after this is just a delay
I dont want to exist
I dont know how to resist
Why do my thoughts burden me with this
Why cant I be hit by a bus, shot, struck by lightening etc
When it comes to ways of dying, there are a plethora
But I must wait for all this to play out
Been waiting a long time to live with no doubts
Why should innocent people die if I wanna be the one
Stop killing kids, i'd gladly take a stray bullet from a gun  
But I know that day won't ever come
Because I will live forever alone loved by none

This weight on my brain is unforgiving
no matter my efforts or pleas
Something strange is in me living
with misfortune and unease
Reveling and feeding on my struggle
could be some strange disease  
In the process of reducing me to rubble
it's like a curse marching on me
But I try to find pleasure as I tread on
I battled my way over the seven seas
And the pleasure I found in pain still felt wrong
But I refuse to go out on my knees

From the sun's descent to its rising,  
everything inside me begins devising.  
All my soul within me surmising,  
any doubt I am now disguising.  
And with every passing instant i'm,  
seeking the sanctity found in rhyme.  
Hardhearted like in my approach,  
I may look weary but I never lost hope.  
It’s only that time has turned me cold,  
all these tribulations, you'd think i was old.  
With every breath I seek experience,  
steadfast like, honor gains with perseverance.  
Clear as day, I intend to listen to the words,
loud like the hills beckoning for shepherds.
I hope to grasp the heart of each line,  
and to learn form truths left to the whims of time.

thank god for this spring
I thought the cold had laid claim
to everything seasons bring
to who it is i became..
when I look back on things
what i see isn't the same
as I remember it seeming then
back when you knew my first name
that which you'll never know again
thank god the sun finally came
now-i only speak of you with amens
cause i wont let my sun shine in vain
down on ghosts and deadmen
who speak without having brains
and never know when
to take a break from the games
this truth feels like rays on my skin
so enjoy assigning blame
and talkin that same **** you've been
cause i'm on a whole nother plane
that you can't even see or comprehend
just know the truth will never change
no matter how hard you pretend

lonely doesn't express this hollow feeling  
lonely can't define why death is appealing  
lost my bearing, now i'm stuck again  
I've been lost since i don't know when  
seems that I took the wrong path  
but everyone knows you can't change the past  
thought I followed the right directions
but this road is long with no intersections
so now i'm trying to find my way  
probably be wonderin til judgement day

The desire I felt was all along a lie
A fool, I was naive to even try
I didn’t see past the handsome disguise  
He now sows the seeds of my demise  
Taking advantage with any chance  
Divulging my soul with every glance  
He soils whatever I know to be mine  
A ******* turmoil from the dawn of time  
Even my thoughts are thoughts I don’t make
And it feels like I’m dreaming when I am awake  
He may look like a man but he’s no human  
He turns all he encounters to ruin
He slays truths into tiny remnants of nothing  
What was is now lost-lies are more becoming

Days left unlived
Truths left unspoken
Pain like this
Leaves a person broken
Hopelessly hopin
For a thing that will never be
But the gods are just jokin
At the expense of me

I hope to see him again someday
Like I saw him times before
Resting under a red sun's rays
When Michael knew nothing of war
I pray I will always remember
The love I lost too soon
Forever, as if he never left
And still basked in the glow of the moon
So before this season has faded
Before dark waters reach the shore
I'll search for the rays and beams
As brilliant as the ones he wore
And i'll rest in the sunset like we used to
But Michael won't be there anymore

Sometimes there just isn’t anything to say, anything to feel
Lines easily blur between what is fake and what is real
Some days there’s no control and actions are powerless
If progress is made in darkness reality then devours it
When will come the catalyst, when will come change
I try my hardest even though times are strange
Patiently I must wait for what’s to come – for a better life
Forever waiting and always – there’s no end in sight
I hope that, by and by, tonight will yield to the dawn
At that moment I’ll know my bearing’s never been wrong
And I’ll find myself exactly as I want to be
Peaceful yet dynamic like a wave in the sea

I wish I had sent you that message
I’ll never have the chance again
I thought you’d always be there
I never thought til when
No one lives forever
But how do I know when it’s time
I still feel you - see, and hear you
As distinctly as I can see the sun shines

In the depths of my wake
I find it hard to fake
So I don't even bother
The outcome will never foster
My well being or happiness
I used to try hard for this
Those days are finished
The grandeur now diminished
Cause I know honor doesn't exists
A hunter may conquers his quarry
But there's no greatness in the midst
There is no such thing as glory
Everything dies and turns to soil
It matters not how hard you fight, how long you toil
The bounds of humanity will be bared down on
By the vastness of eternity and glimpses of dawn

I wonder what all i'll have learned
by the time I meet my death..
Does every second count,
or only the last breath?
Money matters not to the departed.
When the day is done and gone,
I won't finish like I started.
What can I take with me that I cannot carry?
Where do I go-where are the dead?
Out of everything I learned,
what will I know without my head?
Am I nothing or everything,
as I walk on earth in the flesh?
I live and I wonder,
am I just elements among the rest?
But I believe in heart-something like soul,
and against this there is no contest.
The wealthy don't have diamonds and gold,
but in wisdom are blessed.
So I take pride in education,
with the enthusiasm of a child.
Curiously trying to ****** the days,
and overcome the wiles.
There must be more to discover,
how will the stars continue to shine?
The morning I don't wake to see another,
will a divine sun rise?
The end could be years away,
but always lurking near by.
It might even happen today,
right now or in an hour.
I don't know and I don't want to,
Some answers are as thorns on a flower,
some knowledge must be felt and experienced.
Does this plot must have a greater objective?
Through all I sought-I found what best did,
put the important things into perspective.
Things that will never fall apart,
that i will no longer let be neglected.
I found truth in my heart,
a soul perfected.