She is clumsy
but on the outside
she is elegant

She is wise beyond her years
but on the outside,
She trips over her words

She has troubled thoughts
but on the outside,
She smiles

She is in love
but on the outside,
She cannot meet his gaze

She cries during any movie with emotion
but on the outside,
She is untouchable and cold-hearted

She is a hopeless romantic
but on the outside,
She is a lonely pessimist

She is a vulnerable girl
but on the outside,
all you can see is her walls

Lurk against the wall
Stunning rose wallpaper
Have things explained
Look around for an exit
Stairs somehow too far away
And not that subtle
What is it that you can say?
Describe exactly the difference between two shades of gray
Or exactly what it’s like to see the floor disappear
To disappear yourself
To know absence as violent
These things have no words
So you are silent

If I could love
the limping
ugly
afraid
part of me
That I drag through the mud
and thorns

If I could let
the transparent
clawing
screaming
silhouette speak
Instead of kicking it
into the basement

If I could put
my deepest human essence
onto paper
for everyone to see

Then.
Then, I could be free.

What was it I endured for three tears throughout
these years. I hate being a man, a man so Othered

by virtue of who I am. Took a holiday from reality
sponsored by a thienodiazepine, the rebound anxiety
may have got to me but I wanted to be ou'r it, to

be outta my mind, just like the first time. I felt
like I deserved it because it granted me such relief
and that felt so perfect; to remember I'm just a human

trying to escape her human plans.

unseen
there is distance now
new paths
but not missing

@journeyofdays

you see,
that’s the problem
with being the strong one
who always offers others
a hand
everyone thinks that you
don’t need a hand and
they think you have lots
of surplus energy and no
worries

*(s.m)

you leave tracks
schlep through dust
are you still missing


@journeyofdays