i havent written in weeks
normally that means i am too dismembered to even think
but this time it's different
this time is because i have nothing left to write
because i am happy
things are looking up
writing for me at least
is for the lows
the loyal friend that helps through the pain
so my friend
you'll hear from me when things get bad
so my friend
you'll hear from me soon

xoxo

A pearl of rain
In the eye
Of an inveigling
                 Flower glistening,


The immense untamed
                             Woods lending the umbrage of an array of native trees,
The dynamic ardor with which the songbirds sing,
                        And the caracole effect the wind has on the branch and It's showy leaves;

And in ev'ry region upon the knoll,
A new pageantry to see

                  ---All this I value more than gold,
                         And keep for my mind's
                                           Anthology.

There is a certain elegance in lines,
a grace that attracts the eyes
to that which is cloaked within the
echoic mystery of an ever clever guise.

All that is knit
from the fabric
of a most frantic                  
                                       ­     illusion in space,

borrows movement
                 from a riddle,                          
       poised in a mostly empty place.


It enchants the mind like a diorama
                                                         ­     hung
                                                       ­               upon the
                                                                ­                   fiber optic
                                                           ­                                         sky,
with pictures of the thoughts behind
           the artists telescopic ><><><><><><   eye.


Our      surreal      desires    are    drawn    boldly
  ­                                              from the breathing palette
                                        of a bright reality,
                                   with living loving strokes
                               that portray our very substantiality:

and never will it betray
          the flaws
           in neither an other worldly
symmetry,
                                               nor the immense complexity
of some alternate geometry.

It depresses me
To see other couples
Or people hooking up
I don't know why
But it has something to do
With you

03:00
When I think about never speaking to him again, I picture a girl walking in a crowd that’s all moving in the same direction, and then suddenly she drops everything she’s holding and turns around and starts running as fast as she can, smiling and pushing past everyone till finally she reaches an open space and her face looks like sunshine as her hair blows behind her in the wind and she’s free she’s free, oh God, she’s free.

03:15
But then I think about walking into a doctor’s office ten years from now and sitting on a cold metal table, staring at my legs dangling off the edge, waiting. And then I look up as the door opens slowly, not expecting to see his tattooed arms hidden in a lab coat, but there he is and, oh God, his eyes haven’t changed, and I can’t breathe, and he just stands there, looking at me like an unfinished sentence. Then I’d have to let him put a stethoscope to my chest and listen to my heart and I wonder what it’d sound like, if it would sound like messy half beats of missing him. If he’d be able to tell. If he’d care.

03:30
Or maybe the next time I see him, if I ever see him again, we’ll both be whole versions of ourselves, content and in good places, our lives all sorted out and how we always hoped they’d be. And maybe we’d be able to talk about the weather and our kids and the lives we created apart. And maybe I’d be able to look at him with only feelings of pleasant acquaintance and relative indifference, not seeing the boy I fell for when I should’ve been focused on catching myself.

03:45
And I know I should find comfort in thinking about how one day I may look at him and feel nothing,

04:00
but it’s four in the morning and I don’t want to let go.

is it new york i love
or do i crave being
near you; crave the
one in a million
chance that if we
were in the same city
we would run into
each other on the
sidewalk while i’m
on my way to buy
flowers and you’re
smoking a cigarette
dressed in all black
and i’d smile at you
and you’d grab me by
the wrists and scold
me for being away
for so long and then
i’d let you kiss my face
as you interlock your
fingers with mine and
you’d never let me go
again, you would
take me with you
wherever you went
and i’d never look back.