i want a beautiful life filled with beautiful people.
ones that see the world for what it truly is & what it can possibly become again.
i want to greet fears with grins and laughter
& overcome the greatest obstacles with a heart that shows gratitude through its will to live.
i want to have wise, amazing, genius children that carry in them the dna of everything that i stand for.
i want to grow with them.
i want to fall madly in and out of love with someone that makes every inch of pain feel so worth it that i won’t even notice it hurts.
who makes all of my days seem so short that it’s unreasonable.
a love that holds me tight as i slowly die in its arms.
i want a life partner that understands life challenges,
who teaches me by simply being.
who’s not territorial or completely obsessive,
& has more honor and respect than expectations.
fairytale ending or tragedy,
i just want to live on the edge of every possibility.
mad or completely insane,
it’s all the same.
i just want to live.

of course,
my obsession would leave me uneasy & upset
at the fact that you're not as crazy about me
as i you...
-
its just ive never had reciprocity,
no mutual effort,
not even a hint at attempt.
-
so when you find them aesthetically pleasing;
you lust,
you lurk,
you love
& they excite you.
-
you used me to gain steadiness
then shook my hand as if i possess nothing more,
as if feeding into me was some sort of taboo.
-

10 minutes from now,
i won't even be the same.
ill be farther than it seems.
-
10 days from now,
ill be up and on my way,
i get closer by the day.
-
10 years from now,
ill look back &
shed tears.
i conquered my fears.
i beat odds and
im odd.
-
im different,
growth game consistent.
can't compare me,
know you hear me
but why you never listen?

we expand and procreate,
we the gods.
abode in self,
abide by universal laws.
wearing crystals not crosses,
by the power,
no losses.
i am one with the forces.

and if you ever do anything...
make sure to feel good about it,
feel good in it,
free yourself through it.
if you love it,
dont ask questions,
go ahead and just do it.
its your life,
you should live it.
give it time or just give it all you’ve got.

a past as dark as nothing,
as sound as the abyss.
with nothing to look forward to
keep going,
i insist.
if you’re willing
you will find your way,
after every night
a brighter day.
pay close attention,
hear the words i say.
don’t neglect the force,
obey.
you will prevail,
you’ll be okay.

the universal forces are seeking revenge.
with energies so violent,
they are here to avenge
the dying hearts.
strung out like an addict,
with scars that depict
abuse and oppression.
with raging aggression,
biting back like i should have.
fighting back like i would have if it werent for the daze,
now the love spell has fade.
nice to meet you,
im karma.
counting all of your days.

don’t be threatened by words
or verbs
used in a statement,
in placement of
a hurt feeling
or a spirit broken;
when you fall
get back up & keep going...

like a flower in May;
open.
til the next day,
closed.
with a caution
no entry,
there's no crossing
my mente.
to the love that wants to hold me forever,
& the arms that wish to hold me together:
once you've reached to the point of consideration,
consider waiting.
consider me broken,
searching for comfort.
hoping for consistent lover.
trying too hard to give the time and day,
giving my time away
to those that see no value in depth.
the ones that see my mystery as threat,
with no intentions of exploring,
a waste of space and so annoying.
no words left to be spoken,
keep me open.

with a loaded gun to my head
and a sincere smile;
i wish you'd speed it up...

i keep tripping over nothing,
i keep running to get nowhere.
i keep folding under pressure
and stares,
fumbling on words and
seeking cheers to go beneath me.
-
i keep finding myself,
i keep counting to 10
then tapping,
random clapping
then zen
and then present moment beings
to bring me gifts,
lifting me higher.