these days its like I'm getting less interested, running from things that don't make my life interesting.
ain't playing them games or doing them things with ya, ain't making a change or adjusting things for ya.
tho im never losing hope im too focused on the growth
& when you no longer need people is when they need you the most.
but when i needed you most, when i needed you close
you stayed so far away, so you can stay so far from me.
i built myself up, i built me up tough & i ain't losing my ****, im not losing with ****.
did you forget? you were the one being choosy, the one being so confusing
searching for something better baby and now you losing..
bet them other girls ain't like me, can't ease your mind like i did
can't put it down like i did
dont handle **** like i did for you..
you know its true, they ain't waiting up til 4am to listen like i do.
i can't even lie you caught me by surprise, you opened my eyes and made me realize things aren't what they seem to me and you ain't what you seemed to be. all the **** you claimed to be, was all a claim its plain to see.
in love with the idea of me but let's face it you broken too,
both got issues and both need fixing but i still never got cold with you.
trust got ****** up and you, you lucked up.
you got me in my feelings, you got me wanting to feel on you.
you had me into feeling all the things you said you feel to do.
emotions going crazy for you baby boy i feel for you. all those issues must be hard to carry
with all those issues it must be scary,
to give up your heart and give up your love..
but if you can't give up no trust then it just ain't enough
you knew i was good for you, do anything to do good by you.
i wanted to be the good you see when life showed you how ****** up it can be.
now the only thing i can give to you is words that will make you regret walking away, words i couldn't say..
words that make me wonder if they could have made you stay, or were you too far away?

i was searching high and low,
for a sign
to stay or go?
shrink or grow?
think i know why they say that life is not for the faint-hearted.
i stopped before i started,
disgraced and then discarded.

passive aggression.
avoiding the questions,
lurking for confessions,
it’s like an obsession.
i am neglecting,
i’m not accepting
anything less than
what i deserve.
i know who i am,
you know what you’ve heard.
my patience is thin,
i am on the verge
of blindly falling into all that you say you are,
but if all that you say
is just your sick way,
of getting back at me
help me up,
atleast.

what purpose do you serve?
what good do you deserve?
you see what’s right before you,
you wont even say a word..
so ill say it,
and if there’s a price to pay
then ill pay it.

i don't function in chaos.
im peaceful,
im at peace.
at ease,
at least.

gotta go ghost,
running from a host of parasites.
parasites that want my light
and my vision,
they need my sight
and so they fight against me
with side eyes and envy.
-
they say that kind hearts come last,
i speak present talk and leave the past behind me.
no words can define me,
im a symbol of divine.
never questioning my mind
or what's mine...
-
i gain favor from the innocence,  
cleansed of all the inner sins,
tapped into whats imminent.
connected to my inner sense.

nearly imperceptible changes to the inner life
slowly make themselves known in the face of light.

i am not the bigger person,
i take things personal.
i trade in my emotions,
vague role reversal.
i cash in my luck,
for a few moments of silence
by the waves.
i’m out of balance,
as the days go by
i waver
like
skipped rocks across the sea...

im not hiding truth,
im guiding you.
not tryna' rule,
just guiding like a guardian should.
-
we came here gods on guard
with bodies physically formed
like spaceships
from spaces
so filled with powers so holy.
-
with abilities vast & expansive,
sacred energy,
its tantric.
channel all through
soul, spirit, mind then body.

beneath the hard exterior,
laced with thorns
and silent scorn
...
lies the most fragile flower;
soft and
so innocent.

there are days when im like
"why dont men talk to me?"
i know im not ugly,
i know i don't smell strange...
i know im not super, duper weird.
i won't steal your dna,
try to hack your phone,
stalk you on social media,
fake-marry you in my head,
or stress you..
well maybe ill stress you a little bit,
but its all out of love.
so, why don't men talk to me?
-
my friends would say its because im a loner
and i don't leave my house,
which is not a good enough excuse.
or because i look like a 16 year old and
this i can slightly agree with because every 17 year old male ive encountered at age 22 has tried to spit game and at this point..
im seriously considering.
-
but seriously,
why don't men talk to me?
i have all of the qualities that they claim they would give the world for,
i know im barely seen but isn't that supposed to be a good thing?
yeah yeah
whatever
i know..
but that still doesn't answer my question.
-
then i randomly over-hear conversations,
and situations between a male and female
and try to picture myself in the middle of it...
and finally,
an answer!
most men don't talk to me because they have nothing to say to me.
they can already tell from the way my natural expression says untouchable.
the way my eyes are set forward,
tunnel vision,
not seeing anyone unless in direct path.
these men are smart!
they would rather not waste my time or their own,
so they leave me alone.
& this is why most men dont talk to me..

ive grown and
i want to be grown for you,
in ways that make your manhood come alive.
sometimes im a child but still..
im mutable and if you will try to change me,
i might consider.
-
my daddy left scars and traces of a fragrance
that demands a space to fill
or a space to spill emotions and ink
and feelings that link to you.

i can't succumb to the environment,
i've experienced many.
im not impressed,
you're not impressive.
i keep it cool,
controlled agression.
no possessions,
not possessive.
not obsessed with,
never desperate.
-
i fly alone,
although i have connections i can call my own,
i know my home,
i know a place that i can rest,
but still i roam.

the very heart of this connection relys on your consistency.
im in need of your persistence,
see
i need you consistently..
im not worried ‘bout the distance,
just make me feel your energy,
got this perfect synergy;
luv
i just need you here with me.



                              ........rub me down.

when mind feels threatened,
it sends out signals to the guards
to stand upright
& look aware,
as if we aren't already far gone enough.
-
i know,
its your job to protect and defend,
so i can practice as much of the zen
as i allow;
mind will do what it must.

you can never please everyone.. or in some cases,
                                            
                                                          
                                                                   anyone...

inconsistency is a close friend of mine.
we argue like husband and wife,
can we ever agree on anything?
we compete with mood swings and incomplete projects..
ill try to save the world
although i take way too long to make a decision,
procrastination holds me weak
and inconsistency is a close friend of mine..