i don't function in chaos.
im peaceful,
im at peace.
at ease,
at least.

imagine...
being nothing amongst beings who think they are everything.
-
beings fearful;
killing "roaches",
"flies",
"moths",
"snakes",
"trees",
"birds",
"bees",
­and all other sorts of ancient beings.
-
fearful,
ignorant,
in process of extinction.
the great mother shall react accordingly.

for years ive wondered where my spark went,
or how my dark can go from dark as 'night'
to bright
as light
& vice versa.
ive wondered why my poems had only rhythm and surface,
barely passion or purpose.
-
barely spoke,
barely wrote anything so everything stayed glued to my insides
and slowly ate away all sense of everything.
im reckless and
i move slow because ill make a mess of anything
close enough.

nearly imperceptible changes to the inner life
slowly make themselves known in the face of light.

these days its like I'm getting less interested, running from things that don't make my life interesting.
ain't playing them games or doing them things with ya, ain't making a change or adjusting things for ya.
tho im never losing hope im too focused on the growth
& when you no longer need people is when they need you the most.
but when i needed you most, when i needed you close
you stayed so far away, so you can stay so far from me.
i built myself up, i built me up tough & i ain't losing my ****, im not losing with ****.
did you forget? you were the one being choosy, the one being so confusing
searching for something better baby and now you losing..
bet them other girls ain't like me, can't ease your mind like i did
can't put it down like i did
dont handle **** like i did for you..
you know its true, they ain't waiting up til 4am to listen like i do.
i can't even lie you caught me by surprise, you opened my eyes and made me realize things aren't what they seem to me and you ain't what you seemed to be. all the **** you claimed to be, was all a claim its plain to see.
in love with the idea of me but let's face it you broken too,
both got issues and both need fixing but i still never got cold with you.
trust got ****** up and you, you lucked up.
you got me in my feelings, you got me wanting to feel on you.
you had me into feeling all the things you said you feel to do.
emotions going crazy for you baby boy i feel for you. all those issues must be hard to carry
with all those issues it must be scary,
to give up your heart and give up your love..
but if you can't give up no trust then it just ain't enough
you knew i was good for you, do anything to do good by you.
i wanted to be the good you see when life showed you how ****** up it can be.
now the only thing i can give to you is words that will make you regret walking away, words i couldn't say..
words that make me wonder if they could have made you stay, or were you too far away?

passive aggression.
avoiding the questions,
lurking for confessions,
it’s like an obsession.
i am neglecting,
i’m not accepting
anything less than
what i deserve.
i know who i am,
you know what you’ve heard.
my patience is thin,
i am on the verge
of blindly falling into all that you say you are,
but if all that you say
is just your sick way,
of getting back at me
help me up,
atleast.

i am not the bigger person,
i take things personal.
i trade in my emotions,
vague role reversal.
i cash in my luck,
for a few moments of silence
by the waves.
i’m out of balance,
as the days go by
i waver
like
skipped rocks across the sea...

i speak a language that makes you wonder,
you’ll start to wander.
i got fairy godparents,
come like cosmo and wanda.
have you imagining **** you never taught to imagine.
-
still,
imagine waking up one day at the top of the world,
with no worry, no care.
no envy, no fear.
without an ego or some pride
only spirits here that guide
and they bring light.

i feel empowered..
i feel like following the philosophies that insist that i "do not do" was actually more powerful than my reasoning to go hard or go home.
i feel inspired..
i feel like all the days i roamed frantic and falling
searching for calling
or a sign,
or silent mind
from the divine
to make it mine.

ill build with you,
ill build for you,
ill build
you...
        ill lend you strength when you are weak,
ill share my hope with you and speak
life,
speak peace,
radiate good energy.
ill be your remedy,
ill help you to increase your speed.
exposing enemies,
ill help you to decrease your need.
ill keep you young,
embracing youth.
ill keep you whole,
embracing truth.....
              until it becomes toxic then my presence will fade and for the rest of your days
   you'll regret all your ways.

hidden,
in the shadows
based on opinions gathered.
you hide behind the walls of all the things that never mattered.
half-open,
half-broken,
half-truths in words spoken.
you're searching for a way
to break free,
still hoping
that you can come alive again.
grow wings so you can fly again
and experience new heights before your journey reaches end.
you deserve to smile without watching who's around,
you deserve to love,
wild
and not have to tone it down.
you deserve a space where your true colors can show.
you deserve a love to take everywhere that you go.

its never about them,
they can't understand.
they can't see the vision,
they weren't there to see the plan.
the focus ever-growing,
moving up,
and always sowing seeds,
pure in deeds,
pure indeed.

inconsistency is a close friend of mine.
we argue like husband and wife,
can we ever agree on anything?
we compete with mood swings and incomplete projects..
ill try to save the world
although i take way too long to make a decision,
procrastination holds me weak
and inconsistency is a close friend of mine..

teach forgiveness,
& be divine...

you can never please everyone.. or in some cases,
                                            
                                                          
                                                                   anyone...