Early morning drink with ice, of course. I always felt so lost.
In my mind was dark, my soul was crushed and my life was built on pretending.
I smiled, I laughed a lot.
No one knew my heart was in a knot. My body was numb, My thoughts were evil. I tried to break through all that I was going through. Could this all be so true? Was I losing myself, ...it was all something I was new to.  
Nothing I was use to.
The pain , frustration and anger.
I didn't wanna talk, some days I didn't wanna get up ... Everything was a fuss.
I had to figure out what was wrong, the depression I couldn't take ..I knew it would take over one day ...Will I ever be okay !?

I'm standing face to face

with the demon from my past

...

all i can do stare it straight in the eyes
.
it stares back
.

this is the final test
-
to see if i have overcome
what i use to fear so strongly

-
it tilts its head
,
thats when the flash backs begin


they spin

- continuously -

around
in the back of my mind


for a second
i think ill crumble

but i resist

something inside me is stronger
braver
more fearless than before
...
i can feel the motivation build up inside me
...

the demon begins to fade
,
slowly at first
then all at once

-
and i feel free

and lighter

and happier
...
i feel undaunted


i feel new

societies harsh ways
corrupting the mind
...
spreading like the plague

will it ever be overcome
,
will it ever be controlled

how influential can it be

saying this
doing that

eating away at self confidence and consciousness

ruining anyone who dares to challenge it
or anyone who dares to go another way

when will the human race wake up and realise the soul crushing devastation it has caused

will we ever be aware that it has taken lives
...
that it has taken peoples humanity and crushed it so easily

person against person
colour against colour

what have we become

why must we fight so endlessly

we are all just skin and bones

you and me
we are the same

why must we rule against one another

why must we allow the rich to think we are their slaves

and the poor to think they are ours


this unfair and unjust system shouldn't be able to decide the category of each person

it shouldn't be able to label us

we are all equal

He was invisible
to everyone but me

His head hung low
and his legs never stopped

He didn't speak because he thought no one would hear him

He didn't look because he knew no one would be looking back


but i was

i was waiting for him to speak so he knew i could hear him
i was waiting for him to look so he knew i could see him

but he never did

so i watched
and waited
-
observing
...

some days, i would catch a glimpse of his eyes
they were so dark
so haunted
so afraid

other days, i would only see his shadow, right before it turned a corner and then he was gone


-
i craved to know
what exactly this boy
to afraid to show his face
was scared of

so i searched
-
i needed him to know
that i could see him
...
to know
that he wasn't alone

but then i saw him staring me dead in the eyes
and
a heartbroken mess blew up inside me

because i had seen
what i feared so deeply

and i felt every inch of my body aching all at once

because he was fading
and soon not even i would be able to see him

...
i was to late