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Oct 2020 · 342
Wintry Repose
lX0st Oct 2020
when the glut of my ache
strained surfeit in my throat
his lips trimmed a trache,
slipped between the folds
and just when I thought
he might swallow it whole
he exhaled a gale,
reverent and cold,
and all that still lingered,
but no longer sowed,
dwindled and froze
in splintering blows
and now, light with slivers
of snowflakes and throes,
I eclipse fiery glint
with wintry repose
I always did love the cold
Aug 2020 · 369
deep steep
lX0st Aug 2020
For all the men I’m ****** to love
For all the deaths I’m doomed to die
I lay in wait one crest above
The wave on which fate idles by
Jun 2020 · 513
All In
lX0st Jun 2020
The buckets of life
Are not filled
By dainty hands
Too much alcohol has been flowing this week, my friends. Stay safe and courageous.
Jun 2020 · 319
Heaven or Atlantis
lX0st Jun 2020
At which hill
Will the wind crest

Retreat to still,
Recaptured breath

How deep the sea
Churns calling cold

Raptured bells of
Sunken churches toll

If ever there were
Predestined plateau

Where promised peace
Could erase the chain—

But the wind again billows
And once more, the rain
Jun 2020 · 334
storm door swing
lX0st Jun 2020
The days,
All the days,
Even those
Inlaid with light,
Shutter closed,
As days do,
With harsh fray
Of night
Jun 2020 · 388
Good morning, mourning dove
lX0st Jun 2020
I held tight to peace
In my search of relief
But she still
Spilled discreet
From a hole underneath
lX0st May 2020
This, the abyss
No one warned me about
Where imminent fevers
Cannot be sweat out
And sanity’s good side
Turns one cheek too late
In centripetal orbit
Eluding escape
May 2020 · 368
Motown Baby
lX0st May 2020
A distant dissonance
Deepens in threat
As my lips form new syllables
And fingers, new frets
It’s my grandmother’s voice—
My namesake, in fact—
That waltzes in echoes
Through bright chambered chest
Amassing new power
Revving dense to unfurl
Like peonies in bloom, or
Cherry blossom pearls
In descent.

It’s true:
That for which I’m meant—
Good time,
Good fortune,
Good riddance—
I will only know
After roared repent
Where I’ll expel
Dusk’s detriment,
And bellow soul’s
Percussive song
In long-overdue
Performance
May 2020 · 309
While he whistles
lX0st May 2020
You should’ve spoken up
When you talked down to me
Instead you split my soul
Spitting endless inbetweens
And now the spool spins heavy,
Wiry untouched runaway dreams
Where the railcar always passes
Just a moment out of reach
May 2020 · 316
with snakes for hair
lX0st May 2020
When the day’s sweat
Is swilled away by
Weeping gold sage
Spilling reasons
To stay
But instead
Sweet stone remnants
Crack and concave
Filling impermeable
Graves
Gone cold

Tell me,
What is left to hold?
May 2020 · 197
Circling the Drain
lX0st May 2020
It’s Tuesday, I think
Glass windows share few stories
In grey. The sun hasn’t found
An opening
Between my blinds
In days
***** dishes hardly inhabit
The sink. I wash them every chance
I get. It feels good to know
What to do
With my hands

It’s new day, I think
Curtains drape
In heavy embrace. I wonder
What warmth lurks behind them
That can’t be found
In my drink. Fluids slosh
And swell
In ambers beneath my skin
I wring my wrists of goodbyes
So bereft. It feels good to know
What to do
With my hands
Apr 2020 · 220
There’s Nothing Left
lX0st Apr 2020
Pressure is destined
To grow like horns
Until diamonds and opals
And emeralds form
Such beauty lends to liberate,
But pressure does a cloaked wing drape:
Forging gems to foreign shapes
Fusing faces and facets, interlaced
Until dimmer does the mass reflect
The silhouette of pressure’s deft
Apr 2020 · 551
Como me Duele
lX0st Apr 2020
Your sweet melody
Sticks to my neck
Like fingers nectarine
And when the sun
Heaves heat upon me,
Oh, how it sings
Apr 2020 · 327
Battle Cry
lX0st Apr 2020
I’ve sobbed for hours,
Then for days,
Ache blurring lifeless gaze
Stolen breaths come incomplete
And, too quickly, are replaced.
I’ve sobbed from twilight until noon
Filling this entire room
Watching skin succumb to prune
Hair, molasses, ‘round my neck
Pirouettes to desperate croon.
I’ve sobbed through sunrise and sunset
Muddled orange and violet
Lighting crests of waves deflect
Fading as they intersect.
I sob for eras and for lives
Until none of them survive,
So what light exists beyond the depth
Can magnetize and resurrect,
And eyes can greet horizon new
Reflecting glowing golden hue
Desaturating retrospect
As currents sway to sovereign tune.
Mar 2020 · 311
Black Opium
lX0st Mar 2020
The world can be a darkless place
Fires fervent in heart’s ember—
So I douse its ash into a bath,
And submerge in shades familiar
lX0st Mar 2020
When the clouds come
I cast them away
I tear them apart,
Dismantling grey

I am left with the blue
Entranced by its hue, but
Its vastness consumes
And I, lost without aim

So empty pages I thumb
Clear eyes achingly numb
Skin desperate to soak in
The sweet mist of pain
From where the clouds came
Oh, when the clouds come
Mar 2020 · 198
gold withers and stays
lX0st Mar 2020
To dream
To be
Benjamin Button
To feel pain
See suffering
And return
To safety
And peace
Of youth
And mind

Yet, to live
As I am
Dorian Gray
To remain unchanged
Paint by numbers
My colors
Fill to the edges
And they never
Spill over

I putrefy
As prisoner
Of my inability
To die
Decided by
My dream
Of being
Born again
Jan 2020 · 613
Failed Execution
lX0st Jan 2020
And I,
The singer
And bringer
Of death,
Do cast unto you
For all that I’ve wept
Though hard
As I try,
And fight
As I might,
My tender heart
Wasn’t meant
For this life
And it, too,
Cannot
Be kept
lX0st Jan 2020
I’ve left my body somewhere to roam
While I float above
The weight of the world
And all who inhabit
To splay amidst sunshine
And swim
In the current of the wind

I’m meant to be
Among cities and trees
But somehow always fall short
And land
Somewhere in between
Where it is grey and flat
And desolate

I dream of spaceships
And submarines
Of vines to jump and swing
Anything
To feel momentum
Where I no longer feel
A thing
Jan 2020 · 248
A Midwinter Night’s Steam
lX0st Jan 2020
Does your body know you’re awake?

Does it lay there,
Restless
Aching for attention
Dreaming of sensations,
Spiritual suspension
Endless thoughts churning
Trying to backstroke
Chin-deep
In the shallow end?

And as you float
Half immersed
And lucid waves gently raise
The tips of your fingers, the
Hairs on your neck
So above and below
Satisfaction’s sweet edge—
Think of me, insatiably
Before you drift off weary ledge

Until tomorrow,
Where I’m sure we’ll meet again
Dec 2019 · 1.6k
The End of the World
lX0st Dec 2019
I will dance
And I will spin
Until the room blurs
And the lightless gaps
Between swaying bodies
Absorb my ache
And longing

I will twist
And I will wring
Dizzily releasing
Whatever still clings
To my depleting soul
And replace it with champagne

And I will dance
Dec 2019 · 619
Boundaries
lX0st Dec 2019
I am tied to nothing
But the earth beneath me
Held down only
By deadly gravity
For without the magnetic force
That is my being
I would drift simply
Bearing stolen feelings
And heat, fleeting
Toward the galaxy
That is my ceiling
Aug 2019 · 691
It’s All Personal
lX0st Aug 2019
A rose
Is a rose
Is a rose
Unless it looks like love,
Then it’s love
It is what it is, whatever it is
Jul 2019 · 1.5k
goodnight
lX0st Jul 2019
Of all the ways
I’ve watched the world
Fail to take flight

The worst is my own
Jul 2019 · 577
The Migration
lX0st Jul 2019
I do not shield myself
Between the mortar
Of feeble walls.
Instead, I’ve built mountains
With summits surpassing
Thunderous clouds, erupting,
Brimming valleys and moats
Lava-laden, I control
Fiery dragons
The size of islands
Welding forest trees,
Armor adamantine. I have
Trained wind to whip
And freeze at the flick
Of a tongue.
And with each false step taken,
A crater awakens
Parting the earth
In sacred places. Revealing  
Razor-edged abyss —
A merciless ether,
Crusader’s monolith.
In the end, it is I
Who must venture
And slay, navigating the terrain
Of my tortured dismay
Reclaiming my power
And rightful throne.
Behold, vast kingdom:
The monarch is home.
Jun 2019 · 738
June
lX0st Jun 2019
The sun shines brighter
When you’re around
Its flare, skin’s sustenance
Coaxing your June freckles
To breach the surface
So that each one is met
With the warmth of love’s kiss
Unmatched by labyrinth ribbons
Of luminous passion
Wound sound around our souls
Life’s star, a neat bow
Wrapping us in an embrace
Of everlasting glow
Apr 2019 · 424
My Dear Melancholy
lX0st Apr 2019
We suffer in silence
Still, we speak
But rare are we heard
And of that moment, we dream
Of gratification,
Validation
Of anything that will make this all
Make sense,
Anything that will make this all
Worthwhile.
We dream of that place
That will never exist
Of the place that simply
Cannot be
Our nights despondent
Still, we dream
Utopia has two meanings — it is derived from the Greek ”eutopos” meaning a “good place”, and “outopos” meaning “nowhere”.
Apr 2019 · 993
Someday
lX0st Apr 2019
I tripped down a lane of memories
Walked uneven sidewalks
Once lined with trees
Now barren,
Thanks to some "bug disease"
At least not every neighbor is dead

Knees hugged cement
Recalling pastel chalk sketches
Delicate fingers traced
Rugged dips and edges,
My name
Engraved in that one spot where
I failed to learn to rollerblade
At least part of me will live on here

At least until someday
Mar 2019 · 542
Odds Are
lX0st Mar 2019
My will slims to none
In this lonely life for one
Feb 2019 · 962
Terra
lX0st Feb 2019
Dirt caked crust
Gives way
To layers of mantle
Above afflicted fireplace
Bearing picture frames
Bitter memories
Pride, then regret
Memento mori

I will not die here
Two tiers from hell
I feel it burning
In my core
Patiently waiting
To take me in pity
As I wish it had done
Before
Dec 2018 · 732
Cold Front
lX0st Dec 2018
Can’t you hear me?
My tongue hurls your name
Into the wind
Moving east
Urging storm’s brewing
Rising with the chill
Of eery lake
Carrying my echoes
Through clouds of haze
Damp desperation
Voice, strained, releases
Surges of rain
And sleet. Pooling,
Pleading at your feet
Drown in my essence
Watch as it breathes
Watch as it weaves
Through the valleys and summits
Of your goosebumps
In intricate lattice
Ice lace tourniquet
Asphyxiating sadness
From sore hands. Solitude
From weary eyes. Silence
From blackened lungs
Darker than the thundering sky
Reverberating anthems
Of my unfulfilled soul
And my direful need
To be made whole
By you
Dec 2018 · 3.5k
Hell or High Water
lX0st Dec 2018
I keep the shower window open
In 20 degree weather
There’s somethin’ about feeling
The freeze and burn together
Fusing two halves,
Fueling one desire
Steam pries at pores, like
Needle nose pliers
Winter exploits wounds
Haughty exhales through
Diamond ****** wrist cutters
Cascading
Cherry brandy drain water
Licking ankles purple
Branding Frost’s musings
As my final verse
Fire, ice — whichever comes first
Duality be ******,
I favor efficiency
I’ll marvel as *******
At the sadist who takes me
But know that, once
Is all I can endure
And of this, I am sure
Dec 2018 · 379
Champagne & Billie Holiday
lX0st Dec 2018
I'm afraid
If I’m awake much longer
I wont wake up
Tomorrow
Dec 2018 · 328
Hazel
lX0st Dec 2018
I still enjoy how sunlight
Softens the green rim
‘Round my eyes
‘Til they’re honey

But the warmth—
I never feel it fully
Dec 2018 · 3.7k
Lucid Dreaming
lX0st Dec 2018
On nights like this
Tired eyes reminisce
Of a former life
Like French doors opening
To familiar gardens
Where prunes grow on fingers
And lavender blooms
In the iridescent luster
Of warm water droplets
Serenading shoulders
Where reason and chaos blend
Into peach white tea
Swallows carry songs
Through their wings
Stirring decadent incense
Of exhaling trees
Sunlight waltzes with
Saturated leaves
Their indelible patterns
Rhythmic marigold sleeves
Carefree meanders along
Luscious promenade, swathed
In pomegranate-stained poppies
Ripe for the picking
In them, a fragrant ecstasy
Alive inside this memory
Nov 2018 · 1.1k
Excalibur
lX0st Nov 2018
Gin-fueled hunger struck
I stumbled to the kitchen
Fumbling for satisfaction
Yet found myself
******* utensils instead
Peripheral glimmer seized me
I separated chef knife
From stone block
With righteous appetite
Like King Arthur
Oh, how I pictured
What it might be like
To plunge steel beast
Through hollow stomach
Tempt it to twist and saunter
Through tired spine
Would I feel pain
Succeeding shock?
Or would my skin sigh relief
Delighted to release
Pressure seething beneath?

I am still hungry
lX0st Nov 2018
Take a measuring tape
To my wrists
Watch my veins
Pulse and lift
Grip the width
Measure my hips
Scarred length curves
Burning core obscured, sip
From my vacant womb
Press to my lips
That cold metal tip
Gauge my irreverence
In passion and spit
Unravel your desires
Inch by inch
And quantify my existence
My sufficience
In whips
Nov 2018 · 601
Memento Mori
lX0st Nov 2018
When my body and soul
No longer entwine
What will become of my spine?

Does it sigh solaced croon
A hymn-silken harpoon
Propelling me
Through
Threshold everlasting?

Or will it crumble by piece
Like moldy blue cheese
Marrow vinaigrette feeds
Famished nerve roots
And dirt
Absorbing lost life,
Fueling the Earth?

Perhaps a doctor
Will pass it along
Loaded syringe,
Silver and mauve
Into flesh as fresh
As death’s final breath
Enervated vertebrae
A-positive strong

Or maybe it retreats
Into shadows sea-deep
Steel-tipped discs
Flash of shimmer
As they sink
Footholds for lost souls
Sin-dark landmarks
Untouched by warmth
And
Unseen by stars
Nov 2018 · 702
Sustain
lX0st Nov 2018
You coaxed me to sleep
With your stories of peace
Of happier times
That were just out of reach.
I dreamt long, that night
Nov 2018 · 349
Forgive Me, Father
lX0st Nov 2018
I am no child of God
Something sinister designed me
With a heart that hurts too deeply
Sword tongue that cuts too sharply
Skin that bruises easy
Eyes that don’t see clearly
Some narcissism, optimism
Pinch of pessimism
For good measure
Pathetic
Brain cell battlefield
Truth fronts on both ends
Devil’s distorted spectrum
I falter in the middle
An impossible distance
Clouded by cognizance
And carelessness
There is only now
And now, I am
Everything and nothing
Unbalanced, unfallen
The void in silence
Sudden vacuum of air
White light in sheer darkness
Vicious cause for despair
Sweet surrender is calling
But I don’t belong there
Nov 2018 · 497
Equator
lX0st Nov 2018
Your veins swing
Through treetops
In strands of
Tattered thread
In hopes
Their tips
Will someday
Be tread
Nov 2018 · 723
307
lX0st Nov 2018
307
He blows a 1,700 mph kiss
Ringing through the air
With anticipation. Like
A child expecting
A school bell, or
The *****’s chord
On Sunday morning

Lead greets skin slowly,
With purpose. Gaping crater
In charred flesh, chest
Expands with distant breaths
A public display of mercy
Please, come join me

Free will loaded. Cocked back
Shaking hands grasp at
Philosophical evidence that
Life
Is anything but
they didn’t deserve to die
Nov 2018 · 868
Citrine
lX0st Nov 2018
You kiss me with your native tongue
Between sea salted breaths
Hints of starfruit and filth
Relish saintly dialects
Distant malaise clings to
Gritted teeth, unclenched
Your kaleidoscope soul
Vulnerable, drenched
Dripping liquified gold
Ornate in transcendental air
Upstaging whatever gods
May reside up there
Nov 2018 · 300
Sentenced
lX0st Nov 2018
You hid me like a secret
Eyes sheltered, wreaked havoc
Inward. I memorized
Marbled copper and silver
Bars, so small
I shrunk to fit
The space. Enough to
Slip through and
Escape. Layers clutched by
Sharp, chiseled rust
Unraveling, revealing
Silhouettes of dust
Nov 2018 · 764
The Chase
lX0st Nov 2018
I numbly leap then look
Bounding rooftops stories high
Blood’s quickening pace
A blazing fight behind my eyes,
Constant chatter beneath my skin
Begging me to survive;
I counter, disdain
And dive to swift demise
Nov 2018 · 941
Blair
lX0st Nov 2018
Sweet scent, my gravity
Carries me
Wandering
Through winding trees
Fallen leaves hiss at me
An omen, indistinct
Upon the clearing
My meadow stands empty, save for
A maple. Its sap,
Rust and wine,
A fountain of false prophets
From which I feast
Into scorched earth, I cough up teeth
Scarlet blood boiling
Back up at me
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