Do not make false promises to a girl
Who is more familiar with letdown
Than she is herself
Do not tell her that you will call
When you know you wont
Her heart will begin to sync with ringtone
Skip with the sound of it
And drop every time it isn't you
When it is you
Do not say you will make it up to her
With tomorrow
And the next
She is still stuck on yesterday
Do not build her up with falsity
She has fallen too many times before
There have been too many disasters
Too many highs turned crash
And her heart becomes a lit cigarette
Burning down into nothing
She is not completely intact
And you are well put together
Do not take any of her pieces
You have enough as is
Do not give her any of yours
If you intend to take them back
Even if it is for one night
Do not love her
Or pretend to
It is much easier to fake intimacy
Than it is to erase it
Her skin is photographic memory
Every touch engrained within
There is no forgetting
So when you do leave
You will have left your mark

When she waits for you
She will do so eagerly
With patience
Her heart will skip too many beats
When you let her fall
And you are not there to catch her
She will learn to pick herself up
Brush off the dust
And move on
When you wait for her
You will know just how strongly
Time tugs on the heartstrings
You will hear her name
Every time your phone rings
You will see her everywhere
But she will not be there
She got tired of waiting around.

The reality is
You are too busy
For someone
Who has all of the time in the world.

After the heartbreak
You will learn to love again
It may take
Weeks
Months
Or years
But it will happen
After the fall
You will learn to build yourself back up
From the pieces left behind
It may take
Weeks
Months
Or years
But it will happen
After the spillage
Through all of this emptiness
You will be whole again
It may take
Weeks
Months
Even years
But it will happen
Change will happen
Life will happen
And you
Will be you again.

I fell in love with the idea of you
The thought of who you might be
How your hands might touch me
How your lips might feel against my skin
The idea of you loved me
Patiently
And kindly
Never selfish
Only selfless
The idea of you knew how to listen
I poured myself empty every time
And still managed to feel whole afterwards
Did not need a bottle to fill me
I was drunk enough as is
The idea of you gave me all there was to give
No need to ask for anything
No need to beg
Or wait
There was always something to grab onto
There was never any chase
The idea of you kept me company at night
Held me in moments of despair
And sung me to sleep
The idea of you always knew what to say
And when to say it
Knew words to untangle me
When my tongue grew tied
The idea of you was everything
I could have ever asked for
But you
Were not what I asked for
Your grip was rough
Your edges too sharp
Your caress anything but sweet
The only time you held me
Was when your arms had no other obligation
There was never any time made for me
You were running so fast
That I could hardly keep up
Always busy
Too consumed by everyone else
Too distracted
To pay attention to what lay in front of you
It is often the brightest lights
That blind the hardest
I must have been far too fluorescent
For your eyes to handle
And although it took me a while to see it
I finally do
I have come to realize
I never really wanted you
I wanted someone
Who didn't even exist.

Do not ask me
Why I have trust issues
Ask everyone who has ever left.

Longing for clouds in shallow ground.
To go back to the place i was found.
The whispers of wind crossing my breath.

In every instant I can see the clocks turn.
Have i come to myself to learn?

In these times of cloudy days iv learned to frown.

Become a clown...
Cover my face...
Live in secret....
In a nightmarish place.

Its all i can do to survive in this space

There is no grace in this empty place
No space.....
No space at all....
In this empty place.

Looking back threw the pages I awaken the memory.

I live in my thoughts in an enigmatic place.
Not clear where the others are.

Its all i can do to survive in this...
There is no space in this empty place.

No space....
No space at all....
In this empty space.

In dream my reality is delusion...
In walking my delusions are dream.

So cold of dreams I welcome to finally fill.

The chill has become so sharp I cant take this part.

Its all i can do to survive in this.....
There is no space in this empty place.

No space.......
No space at all......
In this empty space.

Have i come to myself to learn?

I have to face.......
that someone else needs to fill that space.

No space......
No space......
In the empty space.

Not clear where the others are..... I have left that place.

Left that place......
Left that place....
That painful place.

Clouds in shallow grounds.

*Living with Chiari Malformation, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) and Dysautonomia

I'm writing too much.
I really don't brag!
I'm on a ******
Full on writer's jag!

I know I should stop
Or at least slow down,
But I'm having such fun!
Why should I frown?

I'm writing so much
I guess it's not fair,
The poems I write
Just don't go anywhere!

But I don't want the laurels
I don't want to trend,
What diff does it make
To me in the end?

There are many times
When my muse doesn't stay
She packs up her baggage
For long holidays!

So should I keep notebooks?
For these wintery ruts?
Store my poems up
Like a squirrel with nuts?

If I kept a notebook
It'd sure get right fat!
Cause, folks, you inspire!
It's as simple as that!

So here I am.
Poets, what should I do?
I certainly don't want
to alienate you!

If I stop writing
And posting them
I'll set aside notebooks
And take the cap off my pen.

I'll just keep up
The ideas seized
I won't be so eager
And wanting to please...

So here I go
My hat I do doff!
I'll be a good site friend...

... and just toddle off!