i'm the girl who tares herself apart
because she tries to find something she's missing

i'm the girl who is scared of her own mind
because i don't know how to control it

i'm the girl who used to cry herself to sleep
because i didn't know how to be "good enough"

i'm the girl who has a secret that will change everything

i'm the girl who gets stronger every fall

i'm the girl who makes jokes about things i really don't think are funny

i'm the girl who doesn't know what love feels like
but can give it to whoever needs it

i'm the girl who's more than an age

i'm more then what you think of me

They called him....
They called him things
he told his parents
But they never believed
People don't like to see
Pain
To them it was a game
But he was drowning in hate
And no one heard him scream
Can you hear him scream?
he got tripped in the hallway
His sanity was ripped at the seams
he was a nobody
Till Saturday the fifteenth
what are you gonna do about it?
he pull out of his  back pack
They laughed
stupid ***** what are you gonna do about that?
he pulled out a gun
And aimed right under his hat
do it, I know you can't
your to much of a ***** to do that
he was gonna pull the trigger
he almost did
But he turned it on himself
he couldn't deal with it
he had to get them to stop talking
Or he would have to stop listening
afterwards most of the people cried
Some were never the same
But one kid laughed
I knew you couldn't shot me *****
His death was in vain

The twisted reality is that bones break. People literally break and you dont always get better. Lives end, stories end, and people rarely get new beginings. The twisted reality is that none of what you thought as a kid was true. Not everyone can be president, and you cant be who you want to be. The twisted reality is that there are monsters in some little girls rooms, and thier moms cant make them go away. The twisted reality is that nightmares only end when you do, you dont get to wake up and think everything is fine. The twisted reality is that your parents lie to you. Not everyone is beautiful, not everyone is talented, and not everyone can be special. The twisted reality is that someone in your current school will become a 'villian' before thier life is over. The twisted reality is that we are all villians. Doing horrible things for what we think is right. The twisted reality is that most people will ignore what i am saying. Live in the lie. The twisted reality is people die thinking everything is fine.

My heart still may beat


but im no longer living

Wish for the better
you're always let down
hope is severed
when your loved one is in the ground
prayer is useless
at least in your eyes
faith is gone
your dead inside

"If some people like your painting, fine.
If some don't, well, there's the door.

Take your work seriously
But don't take yourself seriously

Paint for yourself
Enjoy yourself"

I was watching a show on PBS today
"The Beauty of Oil Painting" with Gary & Kathwren Jenkins

Gary said this and I marveled at how much this echoed the attitude we should cultivate when writing poetry.

Tighten the noose
Count the pills
Clean the needle
Polish the gun
End the pain

careful making wishes in the dark