She drowned out the sound
The sound of laugher
The drafter of her pain

He stroked his fingers along her creamy body
as she lay there

Here there here there she said to herself

Fingers that use to stroke her curvy chocolate body  
Now stroked another as she lay there next to them..

Breathe she cried
Just breathe she begged

Banging her fist on her chest
Clutching her throat suffocating

Drowned by her own tears
Held captive by her own fears

Breathe she whispered
You need to live.

It creeps up on you
No it creeps up on me
It is unwelcome

Overwhelming as it makes it's presence felt
I did not know that this is the hand that would be dealt

Sharp pains begin to spread
Arms go numb
those who do not know are fooled by a smile

Yet how long can it disguise the pain of a poison,
One that i can not deny

I miss you

Yet i stay silent
because you need it

What usually glides with easy when i put pen to paper
becomes viscid as my vision blurs
My pen can glide no more

It blots
It  blots all over the chapter
As i write

Trying to right my wrongs

As the rain falls
The fire burns
The beautiful art of contradiction

Is it an addiction or fiction
Her mind say no while her body says Yes

Yes to the spark as she arches her back
Yes to the memories back then
No to the thought of him

How can you deny a love that's undeniable?

Heart beating faster
Thighs clenched together

Your proximity humours me

A spark
Connection
Ecstasy

Warm hands caress my body yet it's the warmth in your eyes that caress my soul...

A contagious smile
I can't help but smile at the thought of it
At the thought of you...

My heart races
My breath catches
My thighs quiver
Chills run down my spine as she creams for you

Neck biting, *** spanking lip bitting and earth shattering  climaxes..
I can't breathe i whispered
Look at me he whispers
Driving me into another ******

Dripping
Oceans
Ecstasy

I crave you
I crave tasting  you on my lips... My tongue..
I crave seeing the desire in your eyes as moans escape your lips
The aim is to please Master

Fire  burns between my thighs as I am thankful for the blush masked by my chocolate skin
Yet I can not hide how you make me smile

I am afraid to fall
Yet I find my self tripping over your words

I am afraid to get attached
Yet I find my self hanging onto the little moments

I am afraid that I will not be enough for you but I felt it when you asked me if I am enough for myself

Fear grips me
Fear cripples me
The fear of attachment

I find myself in a place I never thought I'd be in again
Effortlessly you broke my walls down

Tears falling helplessly down my face
As I find myself falling you

Someone's Son
I do not know attachment without disappointment

Fear says run
Yet my soul craves your company

It beats slow
It beats whole
It beats soul

It beats fast
It beats past motions,
Emotions

It beats through pain
It beast through gain

It bruises
It breaks

Its my beat
Its my heart

Panting she ran
Ran a little faster
in order to avoid disaster  
To lose his scent

Yet her heart yearned for the one
The one who turned her world upside down
He did not seek permission yet
commanded  her attention

He touched her lips
in turn touching her smile
His soul set her body alight
whilst illuminating the darkest depths of her soul

He was freedom
Yet she belonged to another
One who loved her wholeheartedly
yet caged her in his ignorance

She wanted what she was afraid to have
Was she worthy of the one
The one who engulfed her body in flames
whilst illuminating the path to freedom

*Was she worthy of the Calm and the Storm

Have you ever wanted to cry?
Cry a cry that would heal
A cleansing cry

A cry no one would understand
A cry which would make others weep alongside you
A cry which hollowed everything out

A cry that left you empty
A cry that washed away a thousand tears before this one
Have you ever wanted everything to be okay?

That you were willing to cry every tear that your body could produce even if it claimed the last heartbeat of your heart

A cry of pain
A cry of hunger
A cry for love

A cry for acceptance
A cry
My cry.

A pain so deep that it's hard to breathe
It makes happiness seem like a fragment of the imagination
Holding on to broken pieces will only make you bleed.

When will you learn to walk away
When will you earn respect from yourself  
When will you see  that your more than enough.

It's the way  you smile when you see me
it's the way my heart beats faster when you take a seat
its the way you ball up your fits when you smell my scent
it's the way i feel when your scent lingires over me
yet its not just desire or a passing moment ....
I'm terrified  
Terrified because I'm falling faster
faster than i had anticipated

Unwanted
Unavoidable
Undeniable

The flame within still burns
It burns dimly yet
It burns me

I can not endure the pain
Yet when i attempt to put out the flame
It scars me

You scar me

With a blurred vision she tried to adjust to winter
Confusion engulfed her
Time

When did the beautiful earth colours of Autumn turn to grey?
Winter had a collateral beauty to it but grey was not it
Panic whispered her name

The cold breeze announced the arrival of Anxiety
Anxiety promised to keep her company
To taunt her

What is this grey?

She sat and watched the sunrise
Resigned to what she had faced
Not with defeat but with acceptance  and a new appreciation  of what it means to breathe

No longer was she suffocating when she called to her God amongst her uncertainty
No longer did she ask why with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face

Now she could say thank u with tears rolling down her cheeks while trying to smile for she understood  that there is hope  in uncertainty and a new promise in each sunrise

Tears welled up in her eyes
Blades threatened her wrists

Stuck in her own mind
Haunted by her thoughts
Reality slipping

Clutching her chest

Suffocating

I need to breathe she whispered
I need to breathe she whispered to her mind

Set me free she pleaded
Set me free

Fleeting moments
memories fading

Although you may never understand
Those were some of the best times of my life thus far.

All that remain are  silent flash backs
That leave me smiling and shaking my head at what was.

Bleeding…
Aching…
Shattering  
I told myself this would never happen again

Yet I find myself grasping for the pieces of my heart
Wheezing…
Weeping…
Grasping for air

I told her to be careful with our heart
I told her not to fall
Yet she craved to love and to be loved

When will you learn to love yourself
To fill the emptiness with self love instead of love from another

Never let the child within die
She is the moon
She is the sun

She is the key to your Happiness
She survived the bruises
She survived the pain

Do not let Fear **** her
Live

She opened her window allowing the morning breeze to caress her face..hot tears stung her checks... Breathe she whispered to herself breathe...
As she wondered to herself how far have I fallen
She did not recognize the person she saw In the mirror..
Her heartbeat sounded strange.
She clutched her chest for she the soul which resides inside her felt foreign..

There are only so many things words can express
There are only so many things actions can show
But there are an infinite amount of times two souls  can dance without  being tainted by the mind and earth
Even amoungst my pain you make me smile
which is dangerous because I know I cause u pain
Inorder for me not to cause u pain I need to go through  this pain alone...

How long can I hold my breath
I need to breathe

How long can i pretend?
There is no end

Hands clasped over my mouth
to keep the whisper of your name from escaping my lips.

Pain
Her Worst enemy
Her Best Friend
Her Protector
Her Oppressor

He lives in the darkest depths of her soul
He claims her voice
No one can hear her scream
She screams inside
Yet can not be seen

He holds her heart in his strong hands
He squeezes
She remains silent
She is a slave
A slave to pain
controlled by Fear

She has a lot to offer
He had a lot to offer

She knew she could give him love
He liked the idea of her love

She wanted him but did not want to destroy what is
He wanted her to be free

She got confused
She settled

He moved
She moved

She stayed
He stayed

They both settled for less than what they both wanted

Some..
Time

Sometimes
Sometimes I can not breathe
Sometimes I can not sleep

I spend hours trying to decipher
Why
Why anxiety grips me at this ungodly hour
Sometimes tears stream down my cheeks at this hour

Sometimes I can not eat
Sleep nor dream
Sometimes the voice inside my head can not be silenced

Is it the pressure?
Is it fear?

Sometimes the fear of living beneath my potential grips me
Sometimes the voice inside my head whispers...

Are you Enough?
As Time goes by

The truth is i am afraid
Afraid of being too close

My heart beat accelerates when you're around
Hands begin to tremble as i entwine my fingers

Evading your eyes,
Shivers surge down my spine as
I recall how you whispered "mine" against my neck

Do you ever wonder
ponder on memories
centuries ago

how life has become you
She  wears many masks
as you complete your tasks

You can not hide for your pride
betrays you
you can not be ignorant because your intelligence surpasses you

She seeks you as you seek yourself
you crave freedom yet you hide in a cave
when  will you realise that you should stop searching

She is  the time
she is freedom
she's life
Live

I thought about all the things i could say
I thought about all the things i could write
yet i would not know nor understand the purpose of my thoughts

I sat  in the rain and thought about what could have been  
I sat and moped over what was
I sat and cried over  what is

Yet you could not see my tears dear  friend
As the rain washed them  away
Our friendship  came to an end

I sat
I sat and smiled
Smiled at the thought of you

The thought of you, the memories
The memories... i reminisce

Centuries may pass
But i do hope you see
See yourself through my eyes

I took some time to find myself
Find my words... My sanity
I took some time to breathe
To break routine and rediscover

I took some time to break free from  the shackles of my anxiety
But I am really free?

I broke free into a  sick world where men feel entitled to my body
I broke free into a sick world where people are threatened by my melanin
I broke free into a sick world suffering from a pandemic snatching the souls of our loved ones

The new normal...
These words echo in my mind
I broke free... I tried to argue..
Anxiety grips me and whispers...
You are not free

Today I sat in front of the mirror and questioned my worth
I questioned my beauty
I questioned my heart

I am not brave nor am I strong
As tears rolled down my face
Whispers continued to taunt me
Are u enough ?

Today I sat in front of the mirror and fell apart  as my heart shattered before my eyes

touched
to deep to describe
to rare to deny

fighting a battle
an inner battle
yet it creeps
it keeps me burning inside

it sets my soul alight
it enlightens my mind
challenges my control

who are you ?
you touch the depths of my soul
there's no passion with out pain
yet what is there to gain?

he stalks me like prey
unaware of the fire he ignites
I keep running afraid of  what burns within

he is the calm and the storm

It is the feel of your lips on mine
The whisper of your voice calling me mine
The feel of your hand gripping my waist…
While caressing my breast

Heart racing... pulsing...breathe

What was once a fire which set her a light has become a spark
A spart she holds in her heart
A spark she will miss but

One she  has to **** in order to survive.
Her cold heart threatens her warm smile
Frozen not broken  she reminds herself...

Would you be able to recognize the sound your heart makes ?
What it sounds like as you hold it in the palm of your hands
What it sounds like as you try to protect  it from winters chill

Warm air leaving your cold chapped lips
Wondering if your breath is enough to keep your heart warm

Wondering if you would be able to recognize the sound it makes as the red veins turn to blue
As it transforms to be apart of the world

Would you be able to recognize the sound of your heart in
today's world ?

Soft touches
Soft kisses
Soft caresses

Yet you have the power to bring her out as you **** my bottom lip...

Bitting
Choking
Spanking

Your touch consumes my thoughts

And in the end
All she wanted was all of him
Yet she only got a fraction of him

Why don't you write ?
Perhaps you're mind could be a better place
Rather than one filled with chaos
Why don't you pour  your soul onto a page
Rather than sit with a heavy tongue.