Doubting myself is second nature
Anxiety always makes me question
Was I good enough?
I'm struggling tonight
Feelings of failure linger
Everything I do is for you
Please understand I'm trying my best
Yes I know I'm tired
That's why I'm crying
I don't want to wake you
But I want to hold you close
How is it I need you more
Than you need me

I'm tired
I've cried so many tears
Anger, sadness, desperation
The truth is
No matter how hard I cry
Your still gone
In life we always said
You have such a big heart
Ironically
an enlarged heart
Is what took your life
I lay here at night
Crying
I miss you
I don't feel whole
You took my heart with you

I'm not sure how to feel
I'm haunted still
Seeing you laying there
So still so cold....dead
I never expected to lose you
My head is still in a daze
I keep doing what I can
what I think would make you proud
I'm sober still even tho
I tell you that day I could
Have thrown it all away
.....
what kind of thanks would that have been to you tho
Everything you did to help me
The time and effort put forward
Just for me throw it all away
I cried, I sobbed, I even laughed
I stayed sober because of you
I always wanted
to make you proud
And in that moment
I know I did

I sat and cried today
Cried like I did when I learnt you were never coming home again
My heart aches every single day
I still wait for your calls
For you to walk threw that door
I wish it was all just a bad dream
I'm haunted now
Visions of you laying there
Cold, pale and lifeless
everything happened so fast
I understand now how important family is
I'm doing my best to be a better person a kinder person
the type of person you were
I seen how many people you brought happiness and love to we now stand together to face the world without you were not sure how we'll do it but I know you would want us to go forward with love and compassion in our hearts.

I did everything I could today
To Keep a smile on my face
I wanted so badly for the door to open
To see you walk inside
I know even if the door does open
You won't be entering
I miss you so much that words continue to fail me
I lost a part of me that day
Im haunted by visions
Of you laying there
Your eyes still open stuck forever in that stair
The tube jammed down your throat from the attempts to give you air
I held your hand and talked to you
Told you I loved you so
That still hasn't changed of anything I love you more
This was the first Christmas without you
I did my best to smile
The tears did fall and will again
Because I miss you so

I miss you more than I can ever explain
I never expected you would be gone so fast
it doesn't seem fair I wasn't ready to see you like that
In life we always told you your heart was so big
Unknown to us that's what would take you
In sorry I've cried so much but you ment so much to me
7 days ago I seen you dead and I lost part of me