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  Jun 2014 Katherine Brenna
Laura Hunt
I'll never forget the look on your face.
I'll never forget that phone call at 7pm.
You nudged my arm and by the look in your eyes I could tell something was wrong.
"Uncle Markie is dead."
Four words that should never be in the same sentence.
The first thing you say to me is, "how do we tell her?"
My eyes filled with tears and they wouldn't stop falling.
This was the first time that my father;
The man who has always has the answer,
The one with the key to fix everything,
Didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to do.
How can you tell your mother that her brother, her best friend is dead?
I'll never forget how she tried to run away.
She kicked and screamed and cried.
There was nothing I could do to fix it.
She kept saying, "it's not true, it's not true, how did it happen?"
My dad and I looked at each other
How do you tell someone that their brother took his own life,
Because he couldn't bare living life any longer?
I had to be the one to tell you,
I wish I could take it back.
Because seeing your mother break before your very eyes does something to you.
My uncle took a piece of me with him.
I'm still hoping for the day when I can be whole again.
But I don't think that will ever happen.
I don't know where
        I'm going
    or quite exactly
            where I want to be.

             I just know that
my feet keep moving,
                  my heart keeps beating,
      and there's nothing
              standing
            in my way.
Katherine Brenna Jun 2014
It's 1130 and I can feel my stomach growling
I haven't eaten since yesterday morning
I am missing you like crazy and I am think about what we could have been
I don't know why I ever fell in love with you
I don't know why I still am
But I do know one thing
And that is that I will love you to the day I die
Just like how my body loves me
Just like how there a million cells fighting to keep me alive right now
I will fight like a billion cells to keep you alive
Because you are what keeps me from pulling the trigger
You are the only reason I am here tonight
And you don't know that
And you never will.
Katherine Brenna Apr 2014
Do you ever stand in a room full of people and feel alone?
Everyone’s talking and having a good time,
laughing, enjoying themselves.
I’m never truly alone
there is always someone near by.
Mostly because they don’t trust me anymore.
I’m never alone,
but I always feel alone.
Alone at night when the walls of my bedroom are my closet friends
Alone when I smile at you,
to let you know that I’m okay
and that you don’t need to worry.
Because when I see you,
I look to your eyes.
I see galaxies in those blue oceans
And at the sight of those stars staring back at me,
I feel hopeful.
There is always hope in your eyes,
no matter how down you are.
You are a poem with feet,
and I can write hundreds and thousands of poems about those eyes.
And how when you touch me,
I can feel flowers growing inside my lungs
and I how I can feel butterflies flying around in my stomach.
And when you’re not around,
I feel dead inside.
As the days pass by that you aren’t around
it gets harder to put on the costume and go on with the show.
But I will do it for you.
So when I see you,
when ever that is,
I know that you will ask if I’m okay.
I will say that I’m fine.
That I’m okay
Because I know that I will never be truly alone,
when a piece of me is always with you.
Katherine Brenna Mar 2014
It seems like just yesterday that I was ten
Still new to the world and what it holds
Some people will hold you back
Some will push you to hard
You either grow up too fast or too slow
There is no in between
And I have so many questions
Most that I will never know the answer to.
It seems like just yesterday that I was five
Playing in the backyard
Getting into my siblings things
Lying to get out of trouble
It was just princess and pirates
Mickey and Minnie Mouse
You just have to stay out the big guys way
and you will be just fine
I didn’t have to deal with the weight of the world
Fights were for fun
fought with water guns.
Now everyone is watching your every move
Talking, yelling, lying about you
What has the world come to
Killing time, more like killing each other
That’s why I act like a child sometimes
To remember the time where everything was a-okay
I like to play pretend
to forget this world
and make a new one in my mind.
It seems like just yesterday
But time doesn’t wait for anyone.
Katherine Brenna Jan 2014
I understand how you couldn't be there
For school or sports
I understand that you couldn't be there for Christmas or my birthdays
You were working
Always working
But you know what I don't understand
How you couldn't at least call or stop by
Even if it was just for a few minutes
And when you do
You yell and scream
Telling me about how I'm not good enough
That I am a failure
A waste of a good name
My life plays in front of you
You didn't hear my pleading and crying
Where the hell have you been
Have you been well?
Getting everything you wanted?
You don't seem to notice when I'm hurt
When I skip a meal
Yet I still notice when you are tired and feeling down
That's the problem here
I've been there for everything you do and try for
I supported you even when I knew you would fail
You haven't done ****
You don't see when I am unhappy
You don't notice when I don't come out of my room for days
I am never going to be the best there ever was
It is just not going to happen
Just like how you aren't going to be there for me
I get that now
You won't be there for me
And I won't be there for you
So, *******
Katherine Brenna Jan 2014
I have not slept for days
My eyelids won't shut
My brain won't turn off
Everything is just a blurred mess
I'm a mess
Between work and school
I am all strung out
It doesn't even hurt anymore
I used to have the pain
Now it's all numb
My hands shake
My walk is wobbly
My writing is off and I keep forgetting words
Yet nobody notices
I hand things in late
I don't show up for thing
Yet nobody notices
I have not slept for days
The music won't stop in my head
The stories I make up at night
About what my life could be like
What I could be like
The wishes I make on those blinking stars
They never come true
It is a waste of time
I stare at the clock wishing time would move faster
But the numbers are new to me
I've got used to this feeling
I've gotten used to feeling sick
I know it's not healthy
But what am I supposed to do?
My wrists are torn
My heart is in pieces
My brain won't shut off
I have not slept
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