convincing us we have "followers"
of what
our personality
our religion
our values
our way of life
there is nothing to "like" about inconsistent imperfection, am i right
trying to make each of us gods
before we have thoroughly proved anything to anyone about our worthiness
zero effort needed

It was a catch and release
But you never took the hook out
Reeling me back in whenever it's convenient for you to show your friends the incredible catch you are capable of procuring from a sea of nobodies
I am terrifying and beautiful
Terrified and wide-eyed
Yes
I loved you
I love you
Please stop.

I am filled to the brim

My thoughts leaking out of my ears in rivulets in an attempt to find your abode,

A salty little stream running back down the calf
(From the soaked swimming trunks of a toddler as he makes his way up the shore)
Sliding through the sand
Downward toward the ocean (you)

With zero effort on your part

I mean

We haven’t seen each other

Really seen each other

Since July

I am still leaving pieces of you behind everywhere I go

The bridge I’m trying to build is so scattered, with such wide spaces between the slats

That it’s impossible to get over you.

I could be the little swallow who sings for you
But your hands are a prison
Not a birdhouse

A paint bucket filled to the brim with blue
Sitting on top of a ladder
Right before the earthquake

i went to a witch doctor who uses natural ways of healing
and by witch doctor i mean chiropractor, but the term sounds better for the situation i am about to describe
he asked me questions while i held out my arm
and if my arm fell easily to my side by the pressure he was applying, it meant no
so he asked if i had a heart wall
and my arm fell easily, like the way i fell for you
telling him no
(it was something i already knew but had hoped i suffered from because wouldn't it make life simpler to blame my infirmities on something so emotional and beautiful and dysfunctional we would have constructed together)
he told me my body had nested emotions in other places so as to keep my heart open and vulnerable
one of the places was my left arm
and i didn't realize until tonight that when we first held hands
and your heart was racing so fast i could feel it in my palm
it was my left hand
and
well
that is significant

i could tell you they're freckles but i'd be lying and i don't want to stoop to the level of performing cosmetic surgery with words
i don't want to pretend to be beautiful if i'm not
so i will tell you the truth long before we're married
tell you about the tiny white scars that will adorn my body
when you see me for the first time
really see me