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May 2015 · 2.3k
pas·sion
karuna May 2015
Passion is simple.

Passion is tipsy talks with your best friend on a saturday night,
passion is sleepy sunday mornings waking up beside someone you care about.

Passion is spelling your name in the air with sparklers on new years,
passion is a pancake breakfast on christmas morning.

Passion is stargazing in the countryside,
passion is not really knowing much about constellations but always being able to find the big dipper no matter where in the world you are.

Passion is laughs that make you cry,
passion is crying all night until you have no more tears left.

Passion is waking up at six am to watch the sun rise,
passion is napping in the afternoon sunlight.

Passion is watching a thunderstorm on your front porch,
passion is the smell after it rains.

Passion is not knowing where you want to go but knowing you are going somewhere,
passion is simple.
karuna Oct 2014
"love"
"kiss"
"you"
"romance"
"heartbreak"
"passion"
"her"
there are millions of words in the english language,
thousands of them flood me with that memory of you.
Just one memory that won't go away,
haunting me with the feelings I am trying so hard to forget.

I close my eyes for a second and I am there

We are under the street light at the lord elgin hotel.
My heart is beating a million miles a minute and I cannot believe I am actually going to do it,
I am finally going to kiss you.
I reach up to caress your face and pulled it close to mine,
then I lean in and our lips touch
it is not sharp or electric how I imagined it would be.
it is soft and passionate,
quiet yet beautiful.
our lips intertwined
releasing every emotion that we had pent up for each other over the past year

I wish we could have stayed like that forever

But we finally stop and wrap each other in a loving embrace.
"I love you" I whispered
"I love you"" you say back

I blink and the memory vanishes,
leaving me breathless.
"love"
"heart"
"beautiful"
"dalliance"
"hurt"
"feelin­g"
"her"
There are millions of words in the english language,
somehow they always take me straight back to you.
i used to write good poetry but i'm not sad anymore, so the words don't flow as easily. i think recovery comes with a price. i'm sorry. ( i bet you can still write beautifully even though you're better to and you probably never care to think of me anymore. thats okay)
Sep 2014 · 638
Tonight you are a rainstorm
karuna Sep 2014
Some nights I miss you more than others
tonight you are like the torrential downpour that is falling outside my window
your water droplets fill my eyes as I am overwhelmed by the power of your memory
pushing me down down down

You are an eternal damp cold that chills me to the bone and will not go away to matter how far I burry myself in my blankets

Tonight missing you comes and goes

when it is here it arrives without warning
and I am flooded with loss and a yearning for what we once had

Then at of nowhere it stops as suddenly as it started

and I am faced with the calm after the storm
damage all around me but I still manage to love the way it smells after the rain,
I always did
Aug 2014 · 455
I'm Sorry
karuna Aug 2014
you've turned me into a coward
now I don't know what to do
now that I've finally met someone
who likes me the way I loved you
literally ****
Aug 2014 · 536
Reminders
karuna Aug 2014
I thought this was over
I thought we were over
I thought I was over you
Now it's one year later and my heart still beats hardest for you
Maybe it's a song
Or a single photograph
That reminds me I'm just not quite over you
****
Jul 2014 · 490
I will love again
karuna Jul 2014
I need to learn: that I will not love anybody the way I loved (you),
and that is okay

No one else (will) be able to grow wildflowers in my lungs making it oh so impossible for me to breath their sweat air
No one  else will (leave) me on the tip of their tongues waiting for a kiss or the words that I so desperately need to here
No one else will bring oceans to (my) eyes without even uttering a word
No one else will burden my thoughts with the weight of two worlds too (heavy) for both of us to carry alone
No one else will make my (heart) falter in same way that it did whenever I looked at you

I will not love anybody the way I loved you, but (eventually) I will love again
I DID IT I MADE A POEM WITHIN A POEM!!!! I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS FOR SO LONG
karuna Jun 2014
There is a tightness
clawing inside of my chest.
I guess I miss you.
i think i still love you, and its really ******. heres a haiku
Apr 2014 · 765
Flowers In March
karuna Apr 2014
"Forgotten" feelings come back to me as little pinpricks of memory
like flowers in march

I am the ground still cool and hardened,
but beginning to soften with the oncoming warmth of spring

Blooming sprouts of jealously bud in me as the days get warmer and my heart gets softer,
closer to the day we first kissed

But the small buds of beautiful of green soon die down with another rush of cold winter winds,
reminding me that i am not supposed to feel that way anymore anymore

For now these pangs of heartache are crystallized by the early springtime snows
And the icy sighs of winter shelter the shrunken seeds that have harboured in my heart

But they are waiting,
waiting to grow into long awaited flowers,
ready to suffocate me with their beauty.
yay been absent for awhile, not a lot of ****** feelings to write about. but they are again
karuna Mar 2014
Take life by the arms and dance,
do not stand back, you can take a chance.

Run and jump
and leap
and fall
and spin
and glide
and twirl
and all

Don't cower in fear of being alone,
if you hide in the shadows you'll never be known.

Smile and laugh,
and cry
and scream
and love
and hurt
and care
and dream

Step forward and live all the things that there are,
and you'll shine just as brightly as every bright star.
inspired by my ****** social anxiety and how ****** it makes me feel about my life. and how nobody should feel bad about their lives cause its a dumb way to waste your feelings.
Feb 2014 · 460
Title optional
karuna Feb 2014
Love and jealously are complicated,
sometimes they're the same.
remembering you
Dec 2013 · 927
The River
karuna Dec 2013
i walk outside onto my quiet street
and it is as if the entire city is covered by a soft heavy blanket of snow
that has lulled everything underneath it into a deep unstring sleep.
The air is crisp and cold
i can see the pale silhouette of my breath into the harsh of winter.
I continue walking and i notice the warm glowing embers of the scattered streetlights
and the snow sparkling under their light,
like a thousand tiny stars.
I get the end of the street
and i can here the rumbling engines of the cars across the river
that have escaped the anesthesia the snow has put the city under.
I can also see more of the same street lamps that are scattered on my street,
but there are many more of them and they look more packed together
as if they are hundreds of burning embers ready to burst into flames at any second.
I begin to notice more cars across the river and i hear the sound of a siren in the distance,
it seems like the city may not be sleeping after all.
I am beginning to get cold
so i start to walk home.
away from the river,
the noise,
the cars,
and the livelihood that lies across it.
I walk back down my quiet street
to my quiet house were warmth awaits me inside.
Dec 2013 · 905
Pieces Of The Past
karuna Dec 2013
Today i decided the past can't haunt me forever.

So i looked at the notes and scribbled words,
that represented who i was,
a bit more than a year ago.
And i wished to wash them away away,
in the wistful waves of an of forgetting.

But i recently learned,
that forgetting will do me no good.
Because the things that are forgotten continue to crawl there way back,
and try to tear through the holes in those paper thin walls,
that you build just to block them all out.

So instead of forgetting,
I tore up the fragments of old thoughts,
that i had once scribbled out so carelessly.
And burnt the cold stony documents,
that they said depicted a better future for me.

as I looked at the tiny shards of paper,
covered in crumpled up words.
and watched the hot hungry flames,
eat up the cries of the past.
I saw the once so meaningful sentences,
fall apart into meaningless words.
and I watched the things that I filled with so much contempt,
crumble to ashes and dust.

I felt that chapter of my book has been finished.
The last open door has been closed.

I know that the past will come back to me,
time after time, after time.
But I think there are already enough ghosts in the world,
that I can let go
and no longer be haunted  by mine.
karuna Nov 2013
it was all going to be better wasn't it?
new year
new brain
you sculpted it just right

it was all going to be better wasn't it?
clean scars
beating heart
your work was good
it even held for a while

it was all going to be better wasn't it?
flowers in my hair
now the beginning
not end
it was perfect
as perfect as you could possibly make it

but the people soon came along, my people (i think)
they melted me, with the heat of their burning bodies
and the fires that we burned into the lungs to make us feel alive

and then they left me alone, out in the cold
with only the piercing words of these icy snowflakes, to keep my body warm
this perfect sculpture you made of me is now all cracked and deformed

they really though i'd be fine (i hope)
but i was faulty from the start

now i am here for the harsh winds of winter
to whisper horrible things into my broken eardrums

and i'm afraid what i am made of will slowly be blown back to you
so that you can make a brand new sculpture out of these shattered pieces of clay
i wright more when things get bad
Oct 2013 · 1.0k
Afraid
karuna Oct 2013
i'm afraid they're coming back
the monsters i've been running from

but this time instead of just trying to eat me alive
i'm afraid they really will
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
Nostalgia
karuna Oct 2013
i want to go back to the innocence
                                                                ­                                of holding your soft hands in mine
                                                            ­                                     i want to feel the warm summer breeze
                                                                ­                                                     and the wistful love of the ocean
                                                           ­                                  but the trouble with the ocean is
                                                                ­  eventually the tide recedes                          
                               and leaves love lost in the waves

                  hate                 longing           hurt                 excitement
    wonder     confusion             hope            sadness                    madness

of a thousand other emotions  
      
         pain                    sorrow                 fear            uncertainty          frustration
lust            ­    anger                    passion          trust              ­      love                happiness
i tried to do a cool thing
Oct 2013 · 522
Love
karuna Oct 2013
love

i'm in love with the idea of being loved

because i don't think i ever really was

i was always drunk on the thought of it all

just trying to patch myself together with the concept

i stitched you into me until you ripped the stitches off

now all i'm left with is this abundance of scars

love
i'm feeling kind of nostalgic and sad today
Oct 2013 · 623
Story books
karuna Oct 2013
she loved to read books
books of every kind

she would spend hours sitting in a corner of her tiny room
cuddled up in blankets,
drinking green tea
and reading book after book

she longed to escape into their world,
to run free through the shire
to become a princess and run away with her prince on a shining white horse
to use magic spells
and defeat the evil the ran its course through the tangled vines of the world

she longed to live in a world were the good always won
because in her own storybook
you could not begin to fathom how how wrong that was

so through the rain and wind she continued to read
until she grew old and got lost in her stories
and was never found again
Sep 2013 · 352
Alone
karuna Sep 2013
I am all alone
they don't want me anymore
that's what hurts the most
another haiku
Sep 2013 · 422
That's No Way To Live
karuna Sep 2013
there is a constant fear,
as my eyes glance over anything
i read through a glowing screen,
telling me that somethings wrong,
that i could wake up the next day,
or get a phone call the same night
just to find out,
that i will suddenly be haunted by a pale ghost of a girl,
that i once called my friend.
Aug 2013 · 824
Fixed Into Nothing (tw)
karuna Aug 2013
i used to be sad but now i just feel nothing
my heart still pumps blood through my veins
and my nerves send messages to my brain
but i feel nothing

not happy not sad
this numbness has overthrown me
i cannot feel the pain that lives with in me
i cannot match my eyes with the smile on my lips
i'v completely forgotten what happiness is

but i guess feeling nothing is better than being overwhelmed with so many feelings at once
being flooded by such a strong desire
to make it all stop
that i'd want to end my own life

they say mental illness is a disease that they want to fix in you
but the fixing they do
just dulls your senses and kills some of the pain
it makes you numb
but hardly more sane
i haven't been writing very much because i usually wright when i feel a lot of things. so this is why i'm not writing.
Aug 2013 · 807
Unbearable
karuna Aug 2013
not talking to you is unbearable
six word poem
Aug 2013 · 430
You Should Love Her
karuna Aug 2013
you should love her
because obviously she knows how to love you in a way that i never could
she knows all the right things to say
she makes you happy
like evidently i never could

you should love her
because it seems that any time you spend apart
is unbearable for you
reminding me that the months that we were without each other meant nothing to you

you should love her
because she's beautiful and she know how to make you feel beautiful
why didn't you give me a chance to do that?

you should love her
because she lights up your life
and give you the freedom to live and do anything you want with it
and no matter how hard i tried could never do that for you

you should love her
because she's better
and kinder
and smarter
and everything i'll ever be

you should love her
but then again
maybe you already do
karuna Aug 2013
they give you more pills to numb the pain
but they don't really care about you anyway
just doing their job so they get paid
thats what life's all about they say

i'm standing at the edge but no one will let me jump
being dragged down as they pick me up
i'm out of love
and out of luck

my life is at a stand still
not going up but not going downhill
theres nothing left but all this fear
i'm all alone, why aren't you here?
i don't know how much longer i can take this my dear

what happened to heart over mind?
you were never there by my side
i no longer know who cares if i live or i die
but that doesn't matter to you since i said goodbye
because you didn't even have the guts to merely try

i gave you everything i had
well isn't it sad
that even with all the **** going on in my mind
i still managed to find
courage and the time
to try and make this work out
but you were a coward full of doubt

over and over you kept breaking my heart
but i just kept making excuses for you,
yeah thats the worst part

you broke me down
and now theres n oone around
silence turns into most horrible sound

as i shatter into a million pieces
you only have a couple cracks and some creases
you're perfectly fine without me
****** why couldn't i see
that in the end
if my love was an ocean
then you would leave me
drowning in my own misery
i found the beginning of this in one of my notebooks, i think it was meant to be a song but what ever.
Aug 2013 · 454
Lies
karuna Aug 2013
i wont forget you*
you said, once upon a time
now i know you lied
another haiku
Aug 2013 · 652
Ending (tw)
karuna Aug 2013
the last scream
the last cry.
shame and self hatred
sink into every crevice and corner of my mind.
i feel hurt and wronged
but you've convinced me that i've got it all wrong.
its a constant battle
between what i feel
and the piercing sting of your uncannily calm words
they feed my demons with a new image of myself
'awful'
'mean'
'hateful'
'wrong'
'unloved'
'disgusting'
as­ i hear your answering machine,
for the last time
and leave my last message
i'm overwhelmed by what i have done
'what have i done?'
and then it hits me
this is the end
end
i've always hated endings
but i think this has to be the worst ending
i think it will be the last ending
for i fear
that at the next beginning
i'll be paralyzed with the memories of all the tragic endings
of my unfinished story,
but who knows
maybe the last ending will be my own.
part 3
Aug 2013 · 641
Cold Heart
karuna Aug 2013
the truth was denied
your calm words have broken me
i can not bear it
my first haiku
Aug 2013 · 594
Waiting
karuna Aug 2013
i'm waiting,
staring at a phone,
refreshing my facebook page
waiting for a sign to show me that you care about me
enough to give me more than a few text messages
to show me that it was worth it,
worth all the waiting,
all the pain,
all the courage which i'm beginning to thing i have wasted on you.
i'm waiting for you to give me back everything that i gave to you,
i need you to try,
and maybe you have tried,
in your own measly way,
but it's not enough.
can't you see how hard i fought for you?
can't you see how hard i tried?
i'm not strong enough to hold up both of us anymore.
i've spent months drowning for our love,
and i'm getting weaker by the second.
so if you keep me waiting for much longer i think,
i'll let it sink along with me.
part 2
Aug 2013 · 517
Skin and Bones (tw)
karuna Aug 2013
you act like i'm the awful one
because i finally expressed the anger
that has been bubbling beneath the surface of my madness.
because at last i unleashed the hurt
that has slowly seeped into my veins,
which can no longer be released by even the deepest of cuts.
i think that even if i bled myself dry the hurt would still be there,
finally sunken into my skin and bones.
thats all thats left of me now,
sunken skin and broken bones
inhabited by my past, the present
and the treaturous caverns of my unsound mind.
i don't know how you can act like i'm the awful one
when you're the one that broke me.
Aug 2013 · 1.1k
Forgetting
karuna Aug 2013
listening to these songs reminds me me of you
of us, and our broken love
a sad sweet dalliance
that in the end left us both broken hearted and confused.
more me than you i think
and as i am reminded of you.
i miss you,
i miss you so so much.
i'm trying,
i promise i'm trying so hard
to forget.
to forget
the love that i felt for you,
the long phone calls,
the waiting that you put me through,
the hoping,
the courage i wasted on trying to get you to love me back.
but i can't,
i can't forget you.
i don't even think i want to.
but oh do i want to forget us.
i want to forget us so badly
because i hate remembering,
remembering means feeling
and feeling hurts.
part 1
Aug 2013 · 596
Not Yet
karuna Aug 2013
i'm not over you yet
but i'm almost there
so don't you come running back to me
with your soft lips silky hair,
telling me that you're ready to try
don't you dare pluck up the courage to tell me,
in that shaky nervous voice of yours
that you love me.
don't you think it's a little to late for that?
you've kept me waiting for war too long now
and you know what?
i've finally watched that movie we were supposed to watch together.
my one last ******* to love.
because because i'm not over you yet
and if you come running back to me
i'm afraid i never will be.
Jul 2013 · 685
Escalation (tw)
karuna Jul 2013
it started with a scratch
and one little pill.
but neither of them worked
as i became more ill.
so i moved onto a blade
and a higher dose of meds.
then i tried to cut and took more pills,
as my attempts to turn out dead.
Jul 2013 · 1.1k
Loving The Unlovable
karuna Jul 2013
The hardest thing is to love someone who is afraid to be loved.

All you want is to run to them and hold them.
You want their soft lips on yours,
while you pull them in closer and kiss all the beautiful and broken parts of them.

but they just push you away no matter how hard you try. because when it comes down to it
the questing,
do you love me?
is the most terrifying one to be asked

so they run

but real love doesn't just go away,
so you sun after them and hope that eventually their lungs will long for air and their legs will get heavy with exhaustion.

and you'll be the only one who can give them breath again
and the only one strong enough to hold up their weary body

for now you are caught in an endless chase
not willing to give up
no matter how much love tears us apart
we keep going because in the end it will be worth it.

at least we hope it will.
i'm no good at poetry. sorry.
Apr 2013 · 688
Fix Her (tw)
karuna Apr 2013
she was not so much a person anymore as she was a thing.
made up of diagnosis after diagnosis,
telling her all the things that were wrong with her.
she was filled up with pills
that tried to ****
the monsters inside.
and she wanted them to die too.
but theres one little twist
she was the monsters and the monsters were her.
and the fine line
that the doctors tried
to draw
with the pretty little pills and the diagnoses
that still
meant nothing to her
was gone.
and she cried,
she wanted to die
but the doctors just tried
to keep her up with more drugs.
thinking they could fix her with some kind of mixture
of the right ones.
they said "we'll find the right ones".
but she was long gone,
no longer trying to hold on or "stay strong".
but they wouldn't let her go.
she was in a and out of an institution
that thought they had the solution.
that thought they could fix her.
but she finally found her way out
she left with no doubt.
though she knew she decision would hurt everyone that loved her,
she still kissed death at the door
and she was no more,
even though they swore
they could fix her.

— The End —