is this not me?
the 2 a.m. questioning and
the brokenness of my body?
the loneliness and the doubt?
the wondering if i want this now
only because i think i will never
have it again?
is this version of me
any less true
than the version that is proud
and loud and brave?
is this not who i am?
is this not just as much me
as i was when i was
so different?
i wonder how i can swing like a pendulum
so violently from safe to scared
and then i remember
that i have never been steady
and i have never been brave enough
and i have never learned to be honest
this is me learning honesty
what do i want?
how do i ask that question
without fearing the answer?
how? how? who?
is this not me, too?
ju and friends. i’ve made a decision or two recently that i was comfortable with until i was questioned about them. i want to say that how i feel about them tomorrow is how i feel for real, but is this version of me that is scared and regretful not just as true as the other? who can i possibly believe? how can i introduce them when neither has a name?