For the life of me i cannot understand why you cannot let this happen.
I'm only trying to be here for you.
That's all.
I'm way past pretty forevers although I'd die for them.
I'm only asking you to keep in mind that i am here.
I just want you to know that.

I'd give all i have
I'd give all i am, all my life and another and then more to be
Where i want to be
Whether it be with her
Whether it be where my mind is sound enough to silence the offbeat of my heart
Whether it be right here
Where i want to be is where i appreciate the moment with all i am
where i want to be is not where i am

You called my heart a target
when I said your words were arrows
you wouldn’t slow
your shouting
you mocked me
made me part of your clichéd love song
poor you with bad girl gone wrong
you wronged by me somehow
could you not see that I was cowering
before this anger I didn’t understand
your demands
for a woman who’s x and not y
I tried
but could never succeed
Your rap sheet for me
was a 6 foot hole in the ground
getting deeper down
each rule I broke symptoms of sickness
cured by submission
you said to this pit you made
in a life
as your wife
with your name behind Mrs.
keeping you kind with my kisses
while losing my mind
I would have died your slave
so I’m climbing out of my grave
no need to shout as I go
your words are arrows
my heart is the target you’re missing.

I will love you till the end

my flu turns to a sinus infection and my mom tells me it could have been avoided if i'd only taken medicine to begin with and didn't try to act like a superhero how do i explain to her that for once in my life i just wanted to fight by myself and fight alone and fight to success and so much for that because what started off with a little sneeze is now an emergency and i'm stuffing antibiotics down my throat and falling down the stairs due to vertigo and it hurts you know it hurts it doesn't feel good to have your head full of sinus and i want someone to take a syringe and insert it into my temple and pull out all the liquid and maybe some memories too i think i've reached cognitive overload and okay so maybe my plan to be self-sufficient didn't work out so great but that doesn't mean i can't save myself right? right? i don't know anymore i'm not so sure anymore i don't know if i can get back on my feet when just a little infection gets me in bed praying for light to consume me and end this now i can't even handle a sinus infection for the love of all that is holy and kind how am i going to survive anything in this cruel world when i can't handle a sneeze and it reminds me how you'd still kiss me when i was sick and even though we hadn't met in months you'd be okay with just cuddling and not having *** if i didn't feel like it when we finally did meet and do you remember when our biggest problem was me being on my period on the days i wanted *** and do you remember how we had *** anyway and do you remember how it felt and do you remember how i was (who i was) do you remember? and this sinus infection feels a whole lot like love it gives me a headache and makes me want to die but somewhere inside i want it to stay because being sick is a great excuse to give others when they ask you why you look so pale so sad so down it's a great excuse to give when people ask you why your eyes are so red you can tell them the infection kept you up all night instead of revealing how you had a dinner party with your demons until 4am before realizing that the tea was poison and your demons in your head i'm thinking about the kid in my literature class who showed up ****** and i wonder if that takes away his pain i don't plan on getting ****** but i have red eyes all the time anyway so why not right? why not depend on a drug why not depend on an antibiotic why am i trying to save myself when the world has provided me happiness in a pill and instead of fighting all the time all i have to do is swallow (i've always been good about swallowing, ask him he'd tell you) and i guess this pill is just another thing to close your swallow even though you don't want it down your throat and i guess it's time to lay down my arms and say here, you win. i give in. the food festival is tomorrow and my  aunt tells me not to go because there are open wires on the fields and the rain has given them more life than ever before and oh i've always had a love-hate relationship with food (more love than hate anyday but that's the whole problem anyway) and i think i'm going to go to the food festival- whether for the doodh patti chai or for the danger of open wire shocks; **i'm not so sure yet.

she told me:
        God is a black woman
   i was not thinking about you but i agreed.
she said:
      
She lives in North Africa,
     she doesn't age
       light reflects off of her skin.

i started thinking of you
AND now i miss you

You make me want to hurt myself and crossover to the other side
For you
And whatever is left of us
         WHATEVER IS LEFT OF MY HEART
you know I'm hurt right now because this poem is a mess