I feel like a staple! Funny, eh!
I hold things together round this place,
In a mild-mannered old lady way,
Like the staples in a book,
I guess there's no need to sook,
I am a helping hand today,
Nothing lasts forever, eh?
Avoid  confrontations with the ex,
Who carries on like old T-Rex,
The old staple of their lives,
I would do stuff anyway, being kind,
Doormats do get exploited, eh,
I feel it's a staple kind of day!
Smile!!

I'll say this any way I can,
You're not an excuse for a man,
I don't love you any more,
You're a nasty old predator,
I try not to listen to your blip,
I really think you're full of it,
I don't like your attitudes,
I think you're mean and very rude,
No wonder no woman wants you,
Your self opinion is very smug,
No wonder you sit alone, no hugs,
Do not dwell on the past,
Live like today is your last!
Good day to be alive!
That's what I say to your jive,
Just carry on dude,
I don't even like you,
You have no idea of being a friend,
Tell me when your blip shall end.....

I'll say this any way I can,
You're not an excuse for a man,
I don't love you any more,
You're a nasty old predator,
I try not to listen to your blip,
I really think you're full of it,
I don't like your attitudes,
I think you're mean and very rude,
No wonder no woman wants you,
Your self opinion is very smug,
No wonder you sit alone, no hugs,
Do not dwell on the past,
Live like today is your last!
Good day to be alive!
That's what I say to your jive,
Just carry on dude,
I don't even like you,
You have no idea of being a friend,
Tell me when your blip shall end.....

Yes, I'm still the bard of Bayswater,
Once was a doormat daughter,
Now as the song does say,
I have old grey hair and saggy **** these days,
Don't know if sparks ever fly from my fingertips,
Let alone my ancient fat hips,
Now there's broomsticks over Baysie,
Yesterday sunny, today sodden and hazy,
Floating on a broomstick above Baysie,
In a vision of solitude,
Why is ignoring football considered rude?
Tough, we are all unique,
Some old footy players are total creeps,
Dateline: crocodile tears:
Another classic loss to his team, no cheers!

We love you cos' you are Victorians,
Here we are all Melburnians,
Here there are genres of folks,
Listen up, let's have a joke,
One type of plebs here goes to church,
Or plebs go fishing, to catch some perch,
Some are drinkers and go to the pubs,
Some are football tragics, hubbub!
Then there's the anti-football league,
Not participating non-vigorously,
Then some folk go to the library,
Or some can belong to the Dr. Who Society,
Or they can be a combination of any of the above,
It's all a norm in olde Melbourne town we love!

Well, it's my old friendship refrain,
Really good to see you again,
It's as if we never paused our conversation,
Today's smiles are no imitation,
We take up where we left off,
Welcome, old friends, thanks a lot,
And a surprise visit as well,
Old friendships have their own spell,
It's like we're never apart,
Old friendship's place in our hearts.....

This is the news,
Old alliances on view,
The world is on the edge,
Exactly to what do they pledge?
And famine is stalking Africa again,
This is our continual shame,
Opportunism faces its fears,
What comes next, my dears?
See not the weeds, but the flowers,
We could all sit and whinge for hours,
See not the dust, but ceiling cobwebs,
What, indeed, happens next?
Could the world ever change its record?
Genocide is totally flawed.....