I lay here, tears streaming down my face.
Choking back the cries of pain that want to escape, I'm so **** tired of putting on a brave face for everyone.
I can feel myself getting chipped away; lost in the wind and my mind almost gone.
Memories eat at me, every time I close my eyes. They're there, reminding me that they'll always be there.
I can sit there silent with a smile on my face while on the inside I'm screaming in agony, begging for the continuous endurance of shear pain to stop. Breaking apart, falling to pieces but you'd never notice right?
I wrap my arms around myself and cry when I'm alone.
No one has to know, I'm fine.
I'm not, staring into the mirror is so troubling.
I'm falling apart and this is my final scream before the light goes out.
I'm already gone, too far gone.
I stare into the mirror and don't recognize the girl staring back at me.
I'm sorry..

I want to be your endgame, I want to be the person that people knew you'd end up with.
I want to never have to know what it would feel like without you in my life.
I want to run my fingers through your hair as I study your sleeping face, it was my favourite thing to do.
I want to wake up next to you and lean over just so I could hug you and breathe in your musky scent.
I want to grow with you by my side, pushing me toward success while I do the same to you; your hand clasped with mine tightly.
I want to hear you softly sing to me and smile into our kisses.
I want you to know how to calm me down when I'm overwhelmed and make me laugh when I don't feel like smiling, I want to be able to do it to you too.
I want all of you, your flaws, your past, your insecurities, your present self and I want to know your future self.
I want to wake up five years from now, and go into our daily routine we will eventually have or just spend the entire day inside just for the hell of it.
I want consistency and I know you can give me that if you want.
I don't want this back and forth any more, I know what I want know. Hell I always knew I wanted it but I was afraid of what the world would say, and now that they have moved on from the topic of you and I.
I know; it was stupid and idiotic to feel that way then but I don't feel that way now.
I want movie dates with you.
I want the bad parts to, the arguing and bickering.
The angry tears and sad ones. I want you to see me vulnerable and know how to fix it.
I want you to come to bed every night even though you're mad as hell with me or the other way, and opt to stay even when I say 'go' because I won't mean it.
I want you, just... you.

I don't need you but I want you,
I will survive if you aren't in my life but I don't want to,
I can get by without your jokes and soft kisses but I don't want to,
You will always be the best choice I've ever made even if at the time it didn't seem like it to either of us.
I got afraid at the intense love and affection that you brought as soon as you walked into my life.
You gave everything to me and while I didn't give everything to you, you accepted it because you had most of it. You didn't need all of me and that was okay.
I think you knew one day, soon that I'd eventually give you everything and I'm here now.
Wanting to give you all of me, every fragile flaw and overly sensitive heart and mind.
I want you to have it, please.
I don't need you but I want you.

I still love you, you know?
I still wish I can see you and just be in your presence; it comforts me
And although it seems like there is and will always be a million reasons why we shouldn't be together- I look at you and I can't think of anything else but the intensity within your eyes;
Sometimes I wish we met under different circumstances. Like in a store or by mutual friends because maybe things would be better, I wouldn't have held back so much feelings and would've gave you my mind, body and soul.
I know, I know I still can.
But I'm afraid of all the million different reasons we shouldn't be together; I wish you were here.
'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same'

I sit here inhaling slowly and exhaling even slower
It's been months since I last seen you, months since I last heard from you
But that's not supposed to bother me right?
And you know what? I hate that it does.
I hate missing you and I hate knowing I will probably never have that chance again.
I hate the way our memories send chills down my spine and I hate the way I feel.
You're forbidden to me, forever lost.
Forever reminiscing on how we were, on how you constantly made me feel.
You don't even know how you made me feel because I kept so much away, covering up all my feelings by using other people. Hiding away the truth from anyone knowing, even you.
See, you've only witnessed a fraction of how much I cared.
I fooled everyone right?
And now.. I sit here, my heart hammering in my chest trying to convince myself, 'push the feelings away please!' they can't matter anymore.
But in the end, to me at least, they do.