The Gift

My heart has a precious gift inside
So exquisite,  from the world it hides
All day so silent as though it died
But when I come home
from life's wild ride.
With softened voice and gentle sigh
I gift it to you, each eventide

THROUGH A DOGS EYES.

I am old and tired now and my duty on this planet is almost finished.
It seems only a fleeting moment again that I was a puppy.
I was so lucky that I met him.

It was a sunny summer day I was huddled in a ball of fur with six other puppies.
A sign outside the stoop said Golden's for sale no papers.
He drove up in his sports car and walked to the stoop where we were.
He had kind eyes and dogs have the ability  to see the soul through the eyes of others and it was a good soul.

Every dog knows they are living a karma that they must be the best they can be as a dog and one day they would be born as a human child.  This is common sense to a dog.

I fought my way to the front of the puppy heap. And he picked me up I could smell the kindness pouring out from his skin.
This one he said as I licked his face this one is the one I want.
He named me Niko after the famous scientists nikola Tesla.  My human soulmate was  a science teacher at the high school.

He took me everywhere I never was left at home but sat quietly  next to his desk as he instructed the children in his class.
At break time the children would play with me we ran and chased sticks and *****.  I was so happy.
At night I slept at the foot of his bed it was my duty to protect  him.

To say that we loved each other  was a gross understatement we sat together at night and watched television together that's where I learned all about human culture.  Animal planet was my favorite  program and I watched it every day.
It was perfect perhaps too perfect to last I was fully grown now a big golden retriever.
It changed that morning  we went to school as always.
I slept beside his desk and the sound of his voice was comforting and safe.
Then she came into the room she was young and pretty  in a human kind of way.
He smiled at her and they talked about teaching methods and school politics.  I could smell her perfume and pheromones pungent in the air.
I tried to get his attention to take me out but he was fixated on her.
The shop talk took a back seat and dinner dates took it's place.

After that she was always around she sat on the sofa on my spot and I tried to let her know she was not welcome here this was my seat and he was mine. She should know I would never share him. But she got to me patting my head kissing my crown.  Your so pretty Niko she purred.
But she took my place on the bed as well and they put me out of the room as they wrestled on the sleeping spot. I heard strange noises and laughter as I waited outside the door.
Later I was allowed  back in the room it was full of odors of humans but it was comforting..  We were a family together him her and me their dog friend.  Soon I loved her as much as him.
I could not wait for her to kiss my head and rub my tummy.

Then just as I was getting  settled  in to my new arrangement  it changed again.
I watched her rubbing her belly like she did with mine.  And there was a roundness to it. I could smell the aroma of another human being put together inside her.  And I knew it meant changes to our life.
Later as her belly became  rounder and she rested on the sofa I saw it Move the new human was stirring  inside her.
Oh Niko come here it's alright she  sang.
I wandered over put your head here sweetheart patting her belly.
I rested my big head on her tummy.
Then I felt the new human kick me I nearly fell off the sofa.  She felt my fear and smiled oh Niko it's just the baby letting us know it is alright.

In the middle of the night a few weeks later they rushed out of the door and car started and screeched its tires and they never took me with them.  
A day later they came home Carrying the new human in their arms.
I was curious  and later she called me Niko come and meet Angel
I entered the bedroom and she was holding the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
I was afraid that I would love her if I looked too long
but it was too late I already  knew that I did.

The next few years were the best years of my life.we did everything as a family, my beautiful family my purpose in life to love and protect them all
Angel grew to ten and I was getting  old but we were inseparable I was hugged every time she left the house.  And I worshipped her.

Then her mom was unwell she was crying with headaches always swallowing things out of a little  bottle they never wrestled on the sleeping place or made their happy sounds.  I was worried.
A while later she was doing dishes and fainted on the floor I rushed to her and liked her face until she woke up.

Then I cursed the limitations of being a dog my big flappy tongue  that could  not let me Enunciate words like a human flapped in uselessness as only whines and barks came out.
I could smell the sickness in her head it had an odor or rotting vegetation faint and constantly there I knew it it was bad it was the sickness.
I stayed by her side all though the sickness even seen she lost her hair I poured my love to her.
I saw my owner crying holding angel telling her they were losing her.
They Needed me more than ever now and for sure I must stay here with them even though my time was near I had my duty to fulfill for my karma as a dog. It was my purpose for being.
It was springtime when she left us I was sat next to her bed as her hand was resting on my old head I felt it lighten and slip from me and I knew  ...i knew.
I barked quietly and they came up and wept.

A year later
I was losing  my sight my eyes were fuzzy and I did not see things very well.
The day I wandered into the road as a car hit me I knew it was my fault my time and I knew my duty in my dog karma had been completed faithfully  and I was ready for my next journey with my soul.
Angel rushed out and held my head I looked into her beautiful  face
Don't die stay with me she wept I gave her my last look with her memory  fixed in my soul ready to live forever as souls do and I would see her in my dreams in my next life.

Eight years later
My owner had moved to New England as principal to a.prestigious academy.
Angel had grown into a beautiful  young woman.
She was training as a caregiver and working for the winter break at the orphanage in the nearby blue collar town
The children were mostly  from poor families.
Her dad picked her up and dropped her off at work.
And as he waited in the yard of the institution he saw a little boy of about 8 years of age.
He had beautiful  long Sandy hair and deep dark eyes.
Angel came out ready to go Home and saw her father walking over to the boy.
They looked into each others eyes and saw deep into their souls a familiar place that he recognized
The nurse from the orphanage joined them and said he's been with us for four years since his parents were killed in a car accident. He has never spoken a word since being here.

Angel said what is your name honey he lifted his face and looked at the lovely young woman and said softly my name is Nicholas but you can call me Niko.

Five years later
Niko had been formally  adopted and was turning into a fine young man
All was well in their world's
And just like clouds that change shape
Their family changed shape once more and peace reigned in their lives.
Which as all dogs are born knowing is just  Karma so you can be born again one day into something  much much better.
The end

I was not always as lost and broken
As you see me now
No, not always.
When I was born into the world.
I was covered in tiny twinkling lights,
They were everywhere on me, so lovely.
You could hardly see
the spaces between them.
Lights on me everywhere.

That was before I found out how to be deceitful.
That the truth had many shades and hues.
from purest white
to darkest black
with so very many greys.

Sometimes a small light would fade as I lied.
Mom there won’t be alcohol there..
Other times a row of them went dark.
Mom I did not sleep with him. I promise.
Then some lies made them all glow dimmer.
It’s alright Dad don't worry
I don’t do any drugs.

Now much older
I walk alone in the city streets.
On a rainy dark night
the store windows
look like a hall of  mirrors.

I can see my reflection ghostlike
all my pretty lights
Have faded away.
I look tired,lost and jaded.

But if you look very closely
between the falling raindrops,
like tears streaming down the windows.
You may see just a few of my lights left.
Only  a glimmer of them
hardly visible at all.

So stubborn
they wont be the last ones
to go out.
They are around my heart

The Christmas Train
1946 England just after the war.

Christmas is hard to take when you are alone.
Its about giving and loving and family.
The war had been hell
fighting in the war everyone is a suspect.
The bomb had been planted in the road
and exploded as the jeep passed over it.
it killed five soldiers but I survived.
Well part of me did
I get flashbacks loud noises cause me
to freeze and tremble
. And I just don't to seem to care anymore
about anything.
I was a teacher before the war
at a quiet country school.
I could not even go back to that now.

The train trundled slowly forward
and the ***** railroad buildings passed by
after an hour or two

My fiance had met someone else
when I was away for a tour of duty in France.
I have no family so I decided to spend Christmas
on the train going up from London  to Inverness
the slow sleeper train it would pass the time.

On Christmas eve the old train rumbled past
the villages and towns of old England.
It crossed the border to Scotland ahhh Scotland
so rugged and beautiful.
Pristine lochs  wild mountains
snow capped hills and valley's
For the first time since the war I felt at peace.
In an effort to take in the seasons spirit
I was reading a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.
Mr. scrooge was admonishing Bob Cratchet
for wanting Christmas day off from work.

When she stepped onto the train at Inverness.
I think she was the most beautiful woman
I have ever seen
I know my heart stopped beating.
She entered my carriage
Would it be alright if I joined you she smiled.
She took a package of ham sandwiches from her purse.
Would you care for one she asked
holding one out for me.
i was famished and accepted her offer.

She started the conversation
and seemed interested in what I had to say.
Even ignoring the stammer
that the wartime explosion had gifted to me.
We talked of family
and Christmas past
I told her of the Christmas times at greyfields school
for English boys
that I had taught at before the war.
Of the carol singing in the chapel
and the big party prior to the boys
going home for the holidays.

She seemed interested
and even smiled at my weak jokes.
I bought two weak after war british rail coffees
from the of char lady.

I told her the history of the town's
as we passed them
By York I was in love with her.

Somewhere in the adjacent carriage
a young boy with a soprano voice
sang o holy night
it was Christmas
and we were reaching our destination .

I supposed I would never see her again.
After all she was stunning
and I was  shell shocked wreck
of a boring old history teacher.

She sat next to me and kissed me full on the lips.
She whispered merry Christmas dear.
I was stunned and stammered merry Christmas dear lady.
She said I apologise
  for my forward behavior
I have never kissed a man uninvited before.
But you are so very shy.


Forty years later

I had returned to greyfields
and became the headmaster of that sainted school
we were now retired
in the house provided
for the headmaster emeritus and his wife.

I looked at her. For the last time
  from my bed it was my time at last my time.
I said do you remember
the Christmas train my darling.
She smiled lighting up her still beautiful eyes
I gave you half of my sandwich.
And you kissed me my love.
She smiled leaning forward.
Yes I kissed my life partner
that I had found at last.
Like this, her lips found mine
and she was the last thing of beauty
I saw in this world.

The old  train trundled
through the English countryside
we entered Scotland
It was Christmastime.
The old char lady pushed her tea trolley
past my carraige.
She said
Be patient
She will join you very soon dearie
at Inverness.