To the Person Who Can’t Hear This,

In my room, half-clothed, wondering where the **** to go. I look out the window to see a promising sunset, supposed to remind me that I made through another day. Another day that you’re not here. Everyone tells me that I’ve gone on to a better place as if I’ve passed on to another plane of existence, no longer in the same world as you. Was leaving you supposed to set me free or did it just bury me? The bulletproof glass of being too late is where I broke my bones trying not to be the unloved undead. It will….not…shatter…But I do. The crimson, metallic liquid pouring out of my wounds taking form as all the words that you ever said. While the enveloping venom is all that you didn’t. No matter how much I scream you see nothing as this glass is a two-way mirror. All you see when you look my way is how ******* good you that you look today. You know what they say: out of sight, out of mind. But no one ever told me about being out of your world and being driven out of my mind.

I feel ******* invisible
Being in your past

But I can't even scream out how I feel because I'm not even supposed to miss you
To everyone around me,
You are public enemy number one
The villain who left scars
Who used me as emotional target practice

You ripped me up into pieces
To use me as fuel for your fire
For your ego

Why the hell would I miss you?

Underneath the floorboards of the ruins of the house that we built
Are the metaphorical polaroids of my secret
The fact that I almost lost my life just to escape
Because playing house with you is fatal
Making eggs and bacon for my own personal dementor
Because playing house with you is playing Russian Roulette alone
as you are too busy being the gun

And as I was hanging by the last apron string
You grew weary of the decor
But didn't bother to give your 30 days notice

This house is nothing but broken glass and ashes now
But I visit when no one is looking
Finding a broken reflection

Now you've built a house with someone new
And this house doesn't even exist to you.

Tonight I miss the Bronx,
I want to feel the cold east wind on my face
And have him pull my cold hand into his jacket pocket
That was my home,
He was my home
I want to hear the screeching of the halting 2 train  in distnace as he slides between my legs

Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me
Fool me three times...
Then I must be deaf, dumb, and blind.

                    "He's the one"
                                  "Oh no, HE'S the one"
                                                "Maybe this one really is the one!"
                                                           ­                 "Nevermind..."

You're safe
Locked up in your safe
No one knowing the combination but you
Feelings in safe deposit boxes
Padlocked just to make sure

I tried to sneak in the dead of night
Hoping to find a crack
But I never was good with subtleties
I attempted to hold you hostage
But you never even bothered to ask about a ransom
I even tried to blow you up with dynamite
But only lost pieces of myself

You're safe now
Locked up in your safe
Safe from burglars in the dead of night
Safe from being held at gunpoint
Safe from being in a war zone
No one knows your combination
Or has the keys to your padlocks

I hope that she has a wrecking ball
Smashing open your steel door before you even see it coming
I hope that she has a stethoscope
Pressing her ear against your chest as you hold her close
Each beat of heart is a click closer to cracking the code without you even knowing

I hope that she frees you from yourself because I sure as hell couldn't

I am an enigma that never stops moving
I dare anyone to attempt to catch me
I may light up the sky like a firefly
But I soar like a butterfly just a pretty as you please
Like Peter Pan on his best day
Happy thoughts pumping through his veins
I am unstoppable

                                   Except when they fight...

When she cries
And he throws things
King Kong comes to the suburbs
In the loft upstairs

                    Their voices rise above all of my walls
                    Their anger piercing through any of my defenses

So I sit still
Hoping that the tornado will pass me by
I sit still
Wishing to be a table
Or perhaps that overstuffed chair that nobody likes
Maybe the unsuspecting bedside table that knows all of your secrets but would never tell

                             Maybe if I just sit still for a little while I won't exist...