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Josian de Aqua Jul 2015
I never had to search for you,
Yet here you are
Flying in like a cool breeze against my skin
Presence like the sun
Warmth with me wherever I go

I don't need to ask the gods
Wish on any stars,
Or hide any bruises

You are no fairy tale
No picturesque idea of romance
Worthy of some magazine cover
Or a Hallmark card

You are better

You are openly flawed
Beautifully wounded
With a past that winds like a mountain road
Scars beneath your armor
Yet holding me with such care
Never giving up on the beauty in this world


You are love
To Brett
Josian de Aqua Jul 2015
Little boy loses his way,
Tossed aside instead of asking what's wrong.
Locked away
Little boy thrown into the arena
Expected to be a gladiator,
But with no crowd there to cheer him on
Or even to openly mourn his circumstances
Left to the lions.

Little boy lost his way,
Locked in a tiny cage like the lion
Wondering if he was an animal or a man
Little boy could not reach for the stars through the steel perforated door
In the world where everything echoed,
Even his demons.
Little boy forgot how to laugh

But then one day,
Little boy grew
Thrived even without being given the proper nutrients,
Proper sunlight.
Even without the proper space,
His roots grew strong
Despite the efforts of his captors.

Little boy grew into a man,
One who will hold my hand on visiting days,
Steal a kiss when the guards aren't looking.
Who laughs and smiles,
Telling me how beautiful I am despite how much the world has reminded  him of his own imperfections.
Who has hope for the future
Despite being told that he was no one.

I fell in love with the little boy who forgot about love and found it again with unjaded eyes, as a solitary man.
This is for all the women and men who love someone put in long term solitary confinement. Who have gone through the struggle of watching them struggle.
Josian de Aqua Dec 2014
If only he knew that his time is running out
Do you think he would use softer words and hold me closer
If he knew?
If he was aware that soon it will be like I never existed?

I am the sand slipping through his careless fingers
Dissolving back into the earth
Grain by grain
Soon I will be nowhere to be found
And all he can do is call out into the endless night to seek me out
But there will be no reply.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g4TkugrmdQ
Josian de Aqua Dec 2014
In the blur of the East Coast early morning,
Not even bothering to put on my glasses
I have to get out these words
In a world of a trillion chances
This union would never endure
In a universe of infinite forgiveness
This love would shrivel up and die

As you sit across the couch
Frost chips on your shoulder
Quieter than  the north woods at dawn
The usually calming silence stabs at me
As if you are doing it on purpose
Oh wait,
You are.

Turned a cheek
But not in forgiveness
Just to maim a bit

Now I flounder in my temporary non-existence
Searching for the proper  weapon to shatter the chaotic, scarring silence,

This is a quiet war
Josian de Aqua Oct 2014
Frozen
Frozen in indecision
Conflicting signs blurring my vision
Can I love under your conditions?
The world around me tells me that it’s all wrong
That what we have isn’t meant for a love song
It’s easy to believe them when you tell me that I’m not strong
So many times when I feel like you want me gone
But even when I break down I still hold on
I hold on to the memories of making love at dawn
My first kiss in the rain
Your teeth against my skin in sweet sweet pain
Nothing could truly ever explain
Please don’t refrain
Tell me that you never want me to leave again

Carry me home
So no longer would I roam
Take me into your arms
Carry me home
I’ve been wandering my whole life
Carry me home
I need it more than you’ll ever know
No need for anyone to put on a show
Just Carry me home

I whisper to my pillows at night all the things that I want to say
Dreaming of you cooly uttering the word, “stay”
Your feelings for me are shrouded in gray
I’m just waiting for the day you will show me that you love me the same
The day when there are no more protective games
The lion and the wolf dancing in the flames
Make me dream the way you used to
Of all the things that we will do
Keeping me close to you
I want to keep seeing the world through your point of view
Wrap your arms around me making my faith in in you renewed
I’m hanging on by a thread
Too many tears shed
Too many words said
Too many signs left unread
I hear your paramount voice in my head

Carry me home
So no longer would I roam
Take me into your arms
Carry me home
I’ve been wandering my whole life
Carry me home
I need it more than you’ll ever know
No need for anyone to put on a show
Just Carry me home

Take me home
So I can wake up under the city skyline
Where all of the this pain will resign
In a world where I get to call you mine
That even when the stars aren’t aligned
We will still shine


As you carry me home
So no longer would I roam
Take me into your arms
Carry me home
I’ve been wandering my whole life
Carry me home
I need it more than you’ll ever know
No need for anyone to put on a show
Just Carry me home
So no longer will I roam
    
Just carry me home
Josian de Aqua Oct 2014
Here I sit again
Pondering the mess that we were
Thinking of you
How I was so **** sure
That I could change you
That I could make it better
Then I learned that not everything we believe turns out true
I’m still bruised
And piece by piece I am being reassembled
But it’s hard to do when it’s so cold
Out on the curb where you  threw my heart
The snow piled on top
My hands numb from picking up the pieces
Stuck in your world

I’m tired of your Bronx winter
Never seeing the sun
That melts away the snow
Never seeing the illuminating stars
That help me find my way
The cold blurs my vision
Freezing the tears in my eyes
Your winter is that sad song on repeat
That I can’t seem to get off my mind

People walked past me
Pretending not to see a thing
Stepping on pieces of what we were supposed to be
Stuck to the bottom of their shoes
Even though it tugs at my heart strings
I let us go
Out into the city streets
Amongst the careless litter
Forgotten under your snow
Just another one of your lost things
In your winter so bitter

As I ran off into the distance
The clouds blew away
The sun started shining
As the snow melted away
I realized
I’m my own sun
and I’m going to shine all year long
I don’t want to be forgotten under your snow
Or left out in the cold
That is your winter
Not mine
and maybe one day
You’ll find your sun too
I really hope that you do
Josian de Aqua Oct 2014
Back in the day,
When there was so much to lose,
I remember all the times I asked you to stay,
You made me feel like I didn't need nothin' else,
Like nothin' else mattered,
Now I'm sitting here by myself,
Playing back all the memories of me and you,
Remembering all the moments we shared,
Back when I wanted all the dreams we had together to come true,
Life goes on,
And so did I,
But the memories I keep inside,
They'll never die,
And no one can take that away


It's hard to find the words,
To tell the world how you made me feel,
Some of it felt like a dream,
As things were too amazing to be real,
I try to re-live those moments in my head,
It's just not the same,
Replaying all the things that you said,
I've never been the same since you came around,
It's funny how one person can do so much,
How they have you flying high,
And the next minute falling to the ground,
I loved you more than words can explain,
Chasing that high,
Wanting your love to fall on me like rain,
Memories can seem so alive,
Memories never die,
And no one can take that away
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