When you say insomnia, people think you’ve had too much caffeine. That it’s something you’ve eaten that day. That maybe you’re just a little stressed. Those people do not have insomnia. Insomnia rolls off the tongue. It is a noun. It is four vowels and five consonance. It is staring at your ceiling at four o’clock in the morning praying to God that maybe you’ll sleep tonight. Insomnia is knowing ahead of time that you aren’t going to sleep tonight. It is drinking four cups of coffee at 1:30 in the morning because your eyelids are so heavy they feel like anvils are holding them down. It is seeing shapes and figures in the dark that aren’t there. Insomnia is dying a little inside every time you see the sunrise. It is watching the moon reach it’s pinnacle and sink beneath the earth. Insomnia is your mind working at the speed of light and taking sixty years.
Insomnia is running a triathlon without training. It is wondering how long your body can take the stress before folding in on itself. It is wondering what the hell is wrong with you that you can’t function like a normal person. Insomnia is taking pills that almost make your waking nightmares look like children’s play compared to your sleeping nightmares. Insomnia is having waking nightmares. It isn’t the inability to focus. It isn’t easily fixed. It isn’t something you deal with. It isn’t caffeine or something you ate. Insomnia isn’t just a noun. It’s a disease.